The blog-induced full body cringe.
June 23rd, 2010 | by TJ |You know what is a good idea when you can’t think of anything to post? Take one of your old topics, except rework it to relate to blogging. WALLA.
Anyway, remember a while back when I wrote about how unbearable it is to see other people be embarrassed or do embarrassing things? Miss Zoot also wrote a super excellent post on the subject of embarrassment pillows, which is a completely brilliant idea and if she was to start to produce them, I would be first in line to buy one to match every piece of furniture in my home. Well, I was reminded of both of those posts the other day, when I read a guest post on Dooce, written by Sarah.
Most especially, this part stood out to me as absolutely perfect, perfect in that my eyes squeezed almost shut and I kind of curled my shoulders in a little just THINKING about what an uncomfortable situation this is for all involved and witnessing:
This means when someone in real life bursts into unaccompanied song somewhere in public where no one else is singing, and they don’t expect you to laugh at them, they expect you to hoot and clap and egg them on.
AMERICA! DO NOT ENCOURAGE THESE PEOPLE! If you behave like it’s okay for someone to break into song at a dive bar because you’re a little drunk and oh why not, I’m in a good mood, sure, I’ll clap, they’re just going to go for a second verse, or start dancing, and then acting annoyed that you want to continue with your conversation instead of hearing their encore.
The rest of the post is equally as wince-inducing, and I suggest you read it if you haven’t yet.
I read it, and I nodded along to everything listed, and I wondered, once again, how people can be SO OBLIVIOUS to how their behavior is received at times, and I started thinking again about all of the different stuff that I can’t stand to see or watch, like how horrified I would be if I actually saw someone be reprimanded for taking a second soda, and how I would internally DIE – at least a kidney or a lung or something else that I had two of – on their behalf. There are a lot of those things, of course, but over the last day or two, I realized that there are some that are associated specifically with blogging.
When I see these things pop up in my feed reader, I almost have to read them with my hand over my eyes, peeking through my fingers. I can’t look at the comments, because what if someone has voiced my thoughts and made it a double cringe? And you’d think with blogging being such a creative process that new and different ways to make people wince away from the screen would be created all the time, but there are these two, these two types of blog posts, that keep happening over and over and over again.
First? Whenever someone who doesn’t usually write poetry or do anything especially artistic or creative (outside of blogging itself) suddenly decides that what they want to say that day is best expressed through poetry.
Except they don’t actually seem
to know what makes
a poem
a poem
and write an excessively flowery and poorly
punc!
tu!
ated!
sentence with too many line
too many line
too many line breaks.
Oh, god. You guys. I don’t understand what it is that makes normally completely sane bloggers feel that the best way to express certain thoughts is to craft them into trite, overwrought phrases and then scatter them down the page in a fashion that is completely irritating to read. Reading it makes me feel awkward, and I suddenly don’t know what to do with my hands. It’s like a car accident in my feed reader and I can’t stop scrolling down, even knowing that my scrollwheel is not taking me anywhere I want to be. When I’m finished reading a post like that, I ever so gently click on the next feed, my Internet version of tiptoeing away. Like I just accidentally eavesdropped at the crack of the door of a 14 year old girl expressing her most grown up of grown up thoughts into a tape recorder.
Second, and oh man, this is a personal thing, and I know it’s personal, but whenever someone makes a long post – or worse, an entire “about” page – listing all of the ways they’re special and unique and different. Usually it’s listing stuff about how they’re really shy in real life, or how awkward and nerdy they might be, or sometimes, in the case of a female, it’s listing all of the ways she’s not the “typical” female, or, in the case of a man, all the ways he’s not the “typical” guy. A few personality traits the writer considers to be unflattering or rare are thrown in, along with a hobby or interest so unusual that it is completely obvious that it was chosen for inclusion based specifically on how unusual the writer thought others would find it to be.
Reading one of these posts or about pages is my biggest blog-related cringe. It’s a two fold cringe – I wonder if they realize that everything they’ve written as been written and rewritten by the self-declared special people since the dawn of time, and I also cringe at the very act of writing something out to explain to your readers and the world at large how truly unique you really are. Instead of an about page, it should be headed, “I Want You To Notice These Things About Me, Because I Feel That These Specific Traits and Habits Exemplify the Type of Person I Want You to Think That I am and Also That I Truly Want to Be.”
Sometimes I think that the biggest step in “growing up” for me was some time in early college when I realized my own absolute, complete and total averageness. I’m not boring and I’m not plain, but I’m not unique or special to anyone except my parents, as it should be. There are times that I think that if Phil and I do have our hypothetical future child, the biggest favor we could do for him or her would be a constant, gentle and well meaning reminder that while we do indeed think the sun shines out of his ass, we will now, forever and always be the ONLY people to think that.
Someone so convinced of their own charms, their own snowflakeyness or their own completely individual and one of a kind personness that they feel the need to explain it to the blog world, point by point, makes me want to slide into the foot rest of my recliner and never come back out. I want to die from it and I want to die for them.
There’s a distinct possibility that I’m just a total asshole who hates other bloggers and only wants people to like my blog and no one else’s blog, but that’s pretty unlikely. The notion that I am completely average and normal has served me pretty well when it comes to this blog, because I figure that if I’ve thought something or felt something, there is an extremely strong chance that some of you have thought the same or similar. So, for those of you who are avid blog readers like myself, and who are also easily embarrassed on the behalf of other people, and would also be in line right behind me to purchase a Miss Zoot Embarrassment Pillow for All of Your Cringing and Wincing Needs, do you too have any blogging-related cringes to share with the class?
By Becky on Jun 23, 2010
As an aside… I’m fairly new to your blog, so I just went back and read “Walla” – HI-FREAKIN-LARIOUS. Loved it.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 12:45 pm
You should be careful – I can get lost in the comments on that one ALL FREAKIN’ DAY.
Talk about cringing.
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Becky Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 12:51 pm
I know – I’m just pissed that I have to leave work and wait until tomorrow! Oh, wait. No I’m not.
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M.Amanda Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I’m relatively new also and just read that one and OMG, when I read “walla,” I just want to track that person down all stalker-like and sit them down and gently explain they should not use it if they aren’t sure what the word is. Meanwhile, since I am not actually that stalkerish, I just wince for their embarrassment.
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By Chibi Jeebs on Jun 23, 2010
1. I totally use The Embarrassment Pillow as the I Know This Will Make Me Cry, But Maybe This Handy Pillow Can Hide My Tears Pillow.
2. I totally do the *corny action* thing, which you are well aware. *doesn’t plan on stopping* Heh
3. Writing “about” pages is haaaaard.
(The only blog-related thing that makes me cringe (read: become stabby) is auto-play music. Oh, and bright font on dark backgrounds.)
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juliana Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Auto-play music is bad on ANY website. I’m a musician and I even get annoyed when it’s on MUSIC sites. ;)
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I get you on about pages. That is why I don’t actually have one. Too hard.
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By Capn John on Jun 23, 2010
“There are times that I think that if Phil and I do have our hypothetical future child, the biggest favor we could do for him or her would be a constant, gentle and well meaning reminder that while we do indeed think the sun shines out of his ass, we will now, forever and always be the ONLY people to think that.”
Actually you & Phil, and his/her future partner, and their future kids (until their future kids become teenagers at which point the sun will commence shining from their collective asses). I still agree with you though.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I am convinced that so many young people are obnoxious today because they have been sorely mislead as to their own specialness.
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By Diane on Jun 23, 2010
I think it comes down to the person doing the quirk-listing for me. If it’s someone I generally find endearing, I’m probably going to find a declaration of a personality quirk or unusual habit/opinion endearing. If it’s someone I generally find obnoxious, I am going to file it away as further proof that I am correct in finding her obnoxious.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I just wince at a long list of not-so-special quirks and personality traits being used in place of an actual description of oneself. It’s just very… no one’s that special, okay! I don’t make sense.
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By Diane on Jun 23, 2010
Forgot to mention — The poetry thing? IS NEVER ENDEARING.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
HIGH FIVE.
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By LizP on Jun 23, 2010
I even fast-forward on a TV show, when I know it is an embarrassing moment for the character.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I am a professional at perfectly time channel flipping.
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By cindy w on Jun 23, 2010
I think my main blogging cringe is actually more of a personal character flaw: I read blogs of people who I don’t like. I roll my eyes and get irritated every time I see a new post from them. Why? Why do I do this? Wouldn’t it make my life less stressful to just unsubscribe from their feed? But somehow I never can seem to do that. Very strange.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I do the SAME. THING. I don’t know why I keep reading. I just do. And it’s ALWAYS AWFUL.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Me too. There are some very trainwrecky bloggers out there and I can’t turn away. I follow them on Twitter, too. Emo drama in 140 characters or less!
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Jessi Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 9:02 am
I do this too! And then I wonder why my blog reading takes me so damn long.
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By Aunt Becky on Jun 23, 2010
And here I was, planning to write you a series of poemes (note the VERY DEEP USE OF THE “E” on the end of poem, which makes it extra special) on my blog. NOW YOU RUINED IT.
I was going to call it, ‘Odes To TJ’ but now I guess I’m just going to go weep into my first poeme, which I called, “Why Does Cat Poo Smell So Bad?”
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Cat poo smells
so bad
be c
a
u
s
e
of science.
Weep, tears, vampire deep thought.
DONE.
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Aunt Becky Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Oh, mine is better than that pathetic attempt at poetry. Mine will make you SWOOOOOOOON with desire. For cat poo.
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By June on Jun 23, 2010
OK, I’m laughing because the part about the poetry triggered a memory (not sure why — it doesn’t actually involve poetry) from back when I was 16.
I went to a Catholic High School where Senior year you went away for a weekend retreat. One of the things we were asked to do was “write a letter to yourself.” I’m sure we were supposed to write all about how deeply committed to God we were or what we learned on retreat, but all I could think about was how embarrassed I would be to get a letter like that. From myself. FULL BODY CRINGE.
I think the content of my letter basically was me apologizing to myself for having to write a letter.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Hahaha oh man, ouch. It’s like ice breaker games. I’m embarrassed for the person who comes up with/suggests them. EVERYONE HATES THEM AND RESENTS YOU FOR MAKING US DO IT!
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By Swistle on Jun 23, 2010
I cringe when I see posts lamenting a lack of readers, and going on and on about WHY doesn’t anyone read their blog, WHY doesn’t anyone LOVE ME?? So embarrassing.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Dude. DUDE. YES. I never know what to say. Pipe up and be like “I read!” or just slink away because I feel like I’ve witnessed what should have been an entirely private moment of insecurity or, OR? EVEN WORSE? I stumble across one of those entries and the blog itself is all memes and which Twilight character am I quizzes and random LOL Cats and then I have to restrain myself from saying “NO ONE READS BECAUSE THIS SUCKS” and it’s so uncomfortable.
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Aunt Becky Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Those always make me want to smack the CRAP out of the writer. Like, um, dude, seriously? You want people to respect you now?
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By Aufero on Jun 23, 2010
Places I have broken into unaccompanied (and loud) song:
The supermarket soap aisle
Several local Starbucks franchises
Best Buy
Target, men’s underwear section
The dump (pardon me, “landfill”)
The hardware store
But then, I enjoy having people look at me as though I’m a dangerous crazy person.
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Aufero Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
But then, I regularly break into accompanied song in public places, since one of the things I do for a living is sing.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:59 pm
When people do that, I don’t think of them as dangerous crazy people. I’m really and truly embarrassed for them.
I mean, I’m not trying to be mean. But really. No one appreciates random public singing. Seriously. I promise. It’s awful. Even if you are a professional.
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Aufero Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Oh, I know. That’s why I do it. ;)
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Really? You really go out of your way to make other people uncomfortable in public places? I just don’t get that mentality at all. I mean, if someone is truly unaware how much the general public dislikes random singing in public, that’s one thing. To claim to be aware of how much other people dislike it or are made uncomfortable by at and do it ANYWAY is a whole different thing.
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Aufero Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 3:42 pm
I like to think there’s a difference between being purposely embarrassing in public and just being an asshole. (I’m probably wrong about that.)
Oddly, I’d be a lot less likely to do it if I thought there was more simple dislike and less embarrassment involved. Offending people or ruining someone’s day isn’t what I’m after.
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By Anne on Jun 23, 2010
In blog-land it seems like every time I find something that makes me cringe or makes me roll my eyes and sigh because SERIOUSLY PEOPLE…then I notice that blogger X*, whom I love, does the EXACT SAME THING and it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m awesomely consistent like that.
*Blogger X is not a particular blogger that I am crazy stalking or anything, just any of the dozen or so of my favorites.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Oh, I totally reserve the right to make exceptions to my own rules at whim. Except on the poetry thing. NEVER OKAY.
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Anne Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Totally. I would liken that to people who write fanfic and then decide it would be a good idea to write a songfic.
Uh, I mean, not that I ever went through a (years long) fanfic phase or anything.
(Dammit, my geek is showing, isn’t it?)
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By Charlotte on Jun 23, 2010
The “my child is so very gifted” thing makes my skin crawl. Especially if said child doesn’t quite appear to be doing anything out of the norm for their age group.
Even more than the quirks and lists of cutesy personality traits, I really hate faux depth. Pondering the meaning of life via a pudding cup or what have you.
Oh, and calling out trolls who just politely expressed an opinion or asked a not so gracious question. Granted, the very asking of the question makes me cringe (I read blogs that annoy the crap out of me but would never say anything like that), but dragging out the episode is just beyond.
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 3:52 pm
YES, the gifted child thing. ALSO? Along the same lines? In every single group of people EVERY SINGLE GROUP – there is going to be that one person to drag out their totally unique story about how they got in trouble in kindergarten-1st grade-2nd grade-what have you for acting up or whatever, and the story always ends up the same. “I was just bored. Turns out? I was gifted.”
Hearkening back to elementary school days where you were in some sort of gifted program is NOT a reflection upon your adult intelligence or specialness. It’s kind of sad.
AND YES FAUX DEPTH. You, you please be my new very best friend because PUH-LEASE. Exactly.
And and AND the trolls thing! I saw a thing recently where two people who, admittedly, do not get along and have had issues in the past, exchanged some words that weren’t particularly over the top at all, only to have one of them start making this HUGE STINK about being “threatened” and to go on and tweet about it repeatedly. Ugh.
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By Ruune on Jun 23, 2010
Okay, my blog cringe thing is the self-justification post. You know where someone has been totally caught out either lying or inconsistent moderation or something and then does a post with the sole purpose of justifying their own behaviour. And not on the basis that it is their blog and they can do whatever the hell they feel like (which I don’t have a problem with). Rather it is the attempt to convince readers that the author is a GOOD PERSON and the negative feedback has been TOTALLY HURTFUL AND UNFAIR.
I think you TJ have linked up to a couple of these before, but they absolutely make me want to hide. It’s like a request for the readership to pretend that the bad thing doesn’t matter. Because you deserve it somehow.
Normally accompanied by deleting or hiding the post that got you in trouble in the first place on the basis that “people can’t be trusted to behave in a mature way”. Squink.
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Raen Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Hmmm… I think I might have read one of these posts before. Wait, yes. Yes. I’m pretty sure I have. It was a Big mistake of a post, it was hard to Bear reading it, and I thought I could just look away, Butt I couldn’t.
/wink
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TJ Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Ok, Phil and I are laying in bed actually cracking the eff up at this one.
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Ruune Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Oh toosh, Raen.
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By Kimberly on Jun 23, 2010
I cringe when bloggers beg for money for non-essential things. I’ve tossed money in the tip jar for bloggers who had unexpected scary hosting bills or huge medical bills. I will not send money to go to BlogHer (or Blizzcon). Or to buy a new laptop or an ipad. It’s so desperate and ballsy at the same time.
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By ZombiePirate on Jun 24, 2010
I can share a story from my wife’s school. They have to have a “Gifted” program for any supersmart kids that come their way but there was a parent of this one kid (the children themselves are only 5 years old in her class) and come parents evening was all like “What is being done for my child, he/she is so gifted, wonderful and a unique and special snowflake”… I may be paraphrasing slightly there. But this parent was so convinced that this kid was amazing and special and amazingly it turned out that in terms of development and moving along with the other kids in the class they really weren’t. My wife got an earful from the parent because they weren’t doing “enough” and yet I’d like to think that the best people to judge a child’s abilities would be the faculty of their educational establishment!
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By Jessi on Jun 24, 2010
This may or may not be related, but what makes me cringe, really, really lots is when someone asks for feedback about an issue on their blog and then you express your opinion in a calm, polite way, because they asked and then they get all, “Why, oh why do you hate me?!?!?!” Ish. I just can’t even respond, but I feel like I have to respond and then I really need a pillow. A big pillow. Like a floor pillow or one of those full body pillows.
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