Recent aggravations
August 9th, 2010 | by TJ |Expectant Stares
1. I think that, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know that I drink a lot of diet soda. I don’t make any secret of it, or any apologies for it, or do that fake thing where I also tell you how much water I drink or how healthy I am otherwise because, well, those would be lies and I pride myself on not telling the Internet lies.
As much as the Internet enjoys telling other Internet people what to do, and as much as the Internet likes inserting their opinion whether it is requested or not, I have really only had one or two negative comments on how much diet soda I drink. At least, I have only had one or two negative comments from the Internet about how much diet soda I drink. As shocking as it may seem at times, the Internet is not the only entity in my life. While I was in Pennsylvania, just about every member of my immediate family (aside from my brother) made a comment along the lines of, “You drink a lot of diet soda, you know.”
Not a question. Just, “You know, you drink a lot of diet soda,” with an expectant stare.
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? “Yes. Yes, I do.” or “OH MY GOD I HADN’T NOTICED!” Seriously. I’ve had similar comments, very occasionally, from the Internet – stuff like, “You know, drinking that much diet soda isn’t good for you.”
NO! ARE YOU CERTAIN?
Of course, as a former smoker, I experienced the same kind of thing down that avenue a lot, as well. “You know, you really shouldn’t smoke.” I get that people are concerned, formerly about my smoking and now about my diet soda intake, but what the hell kind of response are you expecting from a grown adult?
“You know, you drink a lot of diet soda.”
“I… don’t know what you want me to say to that.”
Seriously, if you are one of these well meaning, state the obvious types, what are you expecting in response to something like that? On the other side of it, if you are a person who is often on the LISTENING end of the obvious statement and expectant stare, what the hell do you say back in response?
I imagine mothers/parents in general get comments along the same lines. Not questions. Not advice. Just statements and stares. “I see that you’re feeding your baby _________.” Or, “You know, you hold your baby a lot.”
EXPECTANT STARE.
Is something happening? Don’t worry, I won’t let you forget it happened to me once, too, only better or more dramatically.
2. This is something I – and you too, am I sure – notice around the blog world all the time, with varying levels of severity depending on the culprit, and what happens to be going on at the time. Allow me to paraphrase what this aggravation normally looks like:
“There is some major event/happening/excitement/tragedy/hoopla/or miscellaneous to do going on in the blog world. As someone who has at one point been involved with this type of major event/happening/excitement/tragedy/hoopla/or miscellaneous to do, I feel like I need to comment. It bothers me that I am not the one at the center of this major event/happening/excitement/tragedy/hoopla/or miscellaneous to do, because I base a lot of my blog-existence on being someone who is usually or was once involved in a major event/happening/excitement/tragedy/hoopla/or miscellaneous to do. Therefore, I am going to do my damnedest to make this particular major event/happening/excitement/tragedy/hoopla/or miscellaneous to do all about me somehow, even if it is not remotely, in any way, even slightly about me.”
Ok, ok, so maybe that isn’t clear. But if you’ve seen what I’m talking about, you know what I’m talking about. It drives me insane. Sometimes, someone has a thing happen. It could be a good thing, or a bad thing, or a neutral thing, but it is undeniably a thing. It is usually a thing that is similar to a thing that has happened to someone else at some point in the past, as there are only so many things to go around. It is frustrating to watch when the past thing-hapennee can not just throw their support behind the current thing-hapennee, but must instead very transparently attempt to claw some of the spotlight back to him or herself.
While I may have one or two specific people in mind at the moment, it’s an ever-changing parade. If you’ve been around for a long time, you remember several bloggers clamoring for the title of “The one who lost her job because of blogging.” From then on, whenever someone lost their job due to blogging, there would be a great ruckus as numerous people claimed to be “the original.” A bad example, of course, because that was all eight hundred years ago, and one would think the title-holder would be quite obvious, but you get my drift. Anna referred to these kinds of things as “events” and some people have had them in a genuine way, while others have attempted to manufacture an event, and a small portion of both of those groups have a Venn-diagram-esque overlap entitled, “distastefully transparent refusal to share their self-designated spotlight.”
Anyway, Internet, what are your two most recent, completely unrelated aggravations?
By Natalie on Aug 9, 2010
Hmm, I can think of one. I’m not a real domestic type and I don’t share a lot at work. However, I had some bread starters that my friend gave me that needed giving away. I sent an email to some lady-types here at work, including all those on my own TEAM, and only one person, who I haven’t worked with in nearly 2 years, responded. My own team, didn’t even respond at ALL.
Today I bring in the delicious results of mentioned bread starters, and offer it to them, and only another person who I have not worked with in 4 years responded (plus a guy who sits near me).
Who the hell doesn’t respond to food related offers? Hmmph.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Please feel free to make any kind of food related offer my way that you would like. I can be counted on for a response 100% of the time.
[Reply]
Natalie Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 6:25 am
I mean, I know, RIGHT? I usually respond enthusiastically to their food offers. Maybe that’s the problem, they don’t want to accept food from the fat girl, I might infect them with fatness.
Wow, that was bitter, eh?
I can actually send you a starter if you’re really interested in making Amish friendship bread. It’s really quite delicious and would go nicely into a Phlunch, I think.
[Reply]
Adlib Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 9:38 am
Amish friendship bread is awesome. I get irritated at having to give away starters all the time because that’s a lot of bread! :)
[Reply]
Natalie Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Yeah, I don’t think I knew exactly what I was getting into when I said, sure, I’ll take a starter! I mean, I can always just give them away and be done with it, but what if I want to make it again in like 3 months?
[Reply]
By Delicia on Aug 9, 2010
1. My husband buying White Castle burgers at the grocery store, and then at home proceeding to eat them upwind of me (*gag*), AND also drinking Rainier beer (ie: moose piss), AND eating mexican dip pringles.. so that all that evilness would merge in his stomach and thereby try to kill me later in bed with his putrid farts.
2. When The Instance guys are giving away Cataclysm beta keys (WoW), and some of the giveaways are during the afternoon, and it’s “tune in to our live streaming show for giveaway!” Well.. some of us actually are stuck at place of business where they BLOCK all that stuff, so there’s no way I can even try to win one. GRR.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
You know, I’ve never been able to really get into the whole beta idea. I mean, I guess seeing everything before everyone else does is fun in a WAY, but you’ve just got to do it all over again when it actually comes out, you know? I am basically a fail-gamer, I think.
[Reply]
By M.Amanda on Aug 9, 2010
1. My husband acts like any time he fills in doing something I do all the time, like putting our daughter down for a nap or getting her to eat her dinner, and she gives him a hard time, it’s somehow my fault.
Just because I don’t spend days complaining about how stubborn she is or when I gripe about it, he doesn’t listen, that does not mean she’s an angel for Mommy. Dude, this is DAILY aggravation for me, so don’t act like I sat her down and said, “Mommy’s spending all weekend at the office, so make sure you scream bloody murder every time Daddy says the word ‘nap.’” It’s called hands-on parenting. Try it more often than once every four months and you’ll see.
2. Special circumstances. What’s the point of having rules and procedures to make your job go as smoothly and efficiently as possible if people can tell whatever sob story and you still end up jumping through hoops and dropping everything to handle a special case. Granted, special cases exist, but if every single time the rule is challenged, a “no” turns into a “yes,” then it’s not a rule at all. It’s more like “you tell me how to do my job and when the shit hits the fan, I’ll look like the jackass who thinks she knows better than the committees who spent weeks consulting with experts to write company policy that is both fair and legally covers all our asses.”
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Special circumstances make me insane. Ok, ok, once in a while. But why HAVE rules if they’re just going to be tossed out? Especially if MY job is to enforce the rules, only to have someone walk up and completely overturn every single thing I said right in front of me? That used to make me SO ANGRY when I worked with customers.
[Reply]
M.Amanda Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
We have this within the company regarding deadlines. Customers need their asses kissed sometimes, but if my coworker keeps screwing me over by ignoring the deadline that is supposed to make meeting my deadline possible I want to SCREAM when they go over my head and my boss tells me to let it go “this one time” because if I don’t, the person whose stuff sat on the coworker’s desk too long gets screwed and that’s not fair. So I guess it’s more fair that I get screwed. Thanks, boss. Also, good to know those meetings where we agonized over how close we could cut our deadline so that they have plenty of time to get stuff to us meant NOTHING.
[Reply]
Jessi Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 5:52 am
Yes, oh yes, oh yes to your number one. And then, and then, when I say, “You know maybe if you did this more it wouldn’t be so bad, I am “guilt tripping” him! Oh, how I hate that crap!
[Reply]
By Bennet on Aug 9, 2010
1. Acquaintances who go on (and on, and on) about how miserable they are in job X or relationship Y or living situation Z and do nothing to rectify it. I understand, change is hard, change is scary, but change given their economic and social circumstances is nothing like impossible – not living in huts in Zimbabwe, people…
2. People who ask for help, specify a particular place and time, and then are half an hour (or more) late showing up for their own move or dump run or whatever because they were sleeping in at the girlfriend’s or popping out for a “quick breakfast” or doing some other eminently avoidable thing. Bugs me in WoW as much as in real life.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
The line between needing a sounding board for a good vent and the continually whine, whine, whine with no intent to make a change is a wide one, I think. Ugh.
[Reply]
By ABDPBT on Aug 9, 2010
I find #2 annoying, but even more annoying for me is its corollary, where somebody sees some kind of thing like that and finds some way to appropriate it, even though it is only tangentially related to them, like by the thinnest of threads, and somehow makes it about them, and everyone accepts that it is about them, and always has been about them, even though it totally isn’t about them and never was, and never should have been.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Some have practically PEED CIRCLES around certain categories of “event.”
[Reply]
By Superjules on Aug 9, 2010
Okay, I have two recent aggravations from BLOGHER that I will share:
1. People who said things like “Oh I don’t really CARE about swag! I just hate saying no when people want to give me something!” Bullshit. You can care about swag, it is nice to get free things. Or you can NOT care and still take free things. But don’t tell me it’s because representatives FORCED IT INTO YOUR HANDS while you tried to protest.
2. When I would introduce myself and a blogger would smile and say “nice to meet you.” And I would be forced to say “And you are…?” Sometimes it seemed like people just forgot to introduce themselves but SOMETIMES I got the distinct impression that they weren’t introducing themselves because I was SUPPOSED TO KNOW who they were. Which, c’mon. You’re famous on the internet, you’re not Harrison Goddamn Ford.
[Reply]
Willow Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
I had a similar situation with an f-list actor. Met him at a party and he actually said “You don’t know who I am??” I smiled and said “No, why? Do you know who I am?”
[Reply]
By Swistle on Aug 9, 2010
I don’t want to answer your actual question because I have already been saving up for HALF A POST my response to the part of your post that was about….shoot, I forget. OH RIGHT: the making of obvious statements to grown adults. I think Miss Manners says the correct reply is “You are so kind to be concerned.” I always imagine saying it with steely cold eyes.
Seriously, what DO people expect, when they say something TOTALLY OBVIOUS?? Oh dear god no, I somehow totally missed what everyone was saying about that!! THANK YOU so much for enlightening me!! I never would have known that TOO MANY CALORIES WAS BAD FOR ME!! Allow me to shower your feet in kisses!
[Reply]
Kirsten Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Amusingly (perhaps only to me) this was my actual tactic when people told 24 year old me that smoking was bad for me. “Wait one minute, good sir. Smoking is… bad for me? Why, how has this never been brought to my attention before? Thank you ever so much for caring about me enough to tell me. If it weren’t for you, I would *never* have known! You’re ever so kind.” It made me feel a little better to be all superior and whatnot, but I’m not sure I’d still have the stones to say something like that to a complete stranger now some… ah… years later.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
I used to tell people that I was going to find the person who started that filthy rumor about smoking being unhealthy and give them a piece of my mind.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
That’s exactly what gets me – the what do they EXPECT thing. They’re not asking a question. They just make a statement and then LOOK AT YOU. Like.. what? WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
[Reply]
By BKC on Aug 9, 2010
My aggravation is work related: when a set of policies and restrictions applies to staff but not managers. We have a no-cell phone policy for staff, but my supervisor conducts entire meetings while constantly texting on his company cell phone TO HIS WIFE (I pay the bills for the company, I see who he texts).
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I hate that, but also hate constant texters in general. Like when I am hanging out with someone and they carry on a continuing texting conversation with someone else. A text message isn’t a summons. You don’t need to answer immediately. Ugh. Ruuude.
[Reply]
Carrie Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 2:06 am
This. this this THIS. I had forgotten until you said something! My sister-in-law is constantly doing this. We’ll be playing Rock Band and have to stop after every single song sometimes so she can answer her texts. Same with D&D, it seems like her phone is just sitting there buzzing the whole time, and it makes it really hard to concentrate on what’s going on!
[Reply]
By cindy w on Aug 9, 2010
Most recent aggravation: I went out of town for 3 days (yeah yeah BlogHer blah-blah-whatever). Before I left, I mentioned SEVERAL TIMES to my husband to please remember to give my (very old) cat her medication, and to please scoop the litter box every day. (If it’s dirty, she pees elsewhere. Like the white carpet in the living room.) He did NEITHER of those things the entire time I was gone. I mean, you’d think that he could’ve at least done a last minute litter box scoop before I came home to give the illusion that everything was under control in my absence, right? But no. I could’ve punched him for that.
That’s really it. Other than the fact that I spent several hours in an airport yesterday, which is always full of aggravations. But that doesn’t annoy me nearly as much as the litter box thing.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
OH COME ON. Not even one time? How do you even excuse that? FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.
Sorry for the excessive caps, but COME ON.
[Reply]
cindy w Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
I KNOW!! I mean, ok, he was on solo-parent duty with our 3 year-old, so I have no doubt that he had his hands full. But still. It’s a litter box. We’re talking about a 20-second (maximum) task.
[Reply]
By cindy w on Aug 9, 2010
P.S. The Diet Coke thing gets so much worse whenever you get pregnant. OMG. I finally had to tell a guy at work that it was far more dangerous TO HIS OWN HEALTH to keep commenting on my Diet Coke consumption than any possible damage it was doing to my unborn child.
Also? The spotlight thing? Made me think of someone very specific, who you may or may not be talking about, but OMG yes. EYE-ROLL INDUCING.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
What is it about pregnant women and children that makes people feel like every single word they feel like spewing out is totally welcome?
[Reply]
By thepsychobabble on Aug 9, 2010
I have to agree with the one who’s coworkers keep pushing work off on her. I hate when that happens.
[Reply]
By Bluetiger on Aug 9, 2010
1. I bought a set of curtains this weekend of the Almost-Finished-kind, spent last night trying to get them to be a) of a correct lenght and b) the same lenght. It’s impossible. Measuring curtains is not like measuring something else, the distances don’t stay the same. They are now held up with needles and I expect them to be that way for at least six months.
2. Brother-in-laws that says “Of course you can borrow our big car this sunday to ferry junk from the apartment to the Junk-deposit-place. No worries, just come anytime, I’ll be home” are good. But Brother-in-law that are not home at all on sunday morning, and have neglected to tell his wife that we wanted to borrow the car and she is subsequently off buying breakfast (with the big car), are not good.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
CURTAINS. ARGH. Ours aren’t even, and I don’t even care any more. I don’t even care.
[Reply]
By lak on Aug 10, 2010
You know, you drink a lot of diet soda.
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
I bet you thought that was suuuuuper clever.
[Reply]
By Adlib on Aug 10, 2010
Two recent things that happened to me that are supremely aggravating:
1. Husband offers to babysit my sister-in-law’s kids any time without consulting me prior to offering that, leaving me to look somewhat embarrassed when they asked me for confirmation because the kids at the time were acting like holy terrors (or unholy, take your pick). I want to know since when he became all about the kids. I may want kids in the future, but I don’t feel that close to those particular kids, and I haven’t babysat since high school (which was short-lived). He certainly does not plan on babysitting them by himself. I mean, their family has regular babysitters that do it all the time! Why do we suddenly need to do it? Wow, I was so mad, and apparently, still am.
2. I have to train a lady at work to basically do my job. We are somewhat heavy on staff considering the amount of work we have right now, but that’s another problem. Anyway, I take my time and go slow and make sure she understands every single time I teach her something. Then when she tries to do it herself? She has to come and get me a million times because even though she took notes on literally everything, she can’t figure out how to do it. Also, she is a terrible kiss ass to all the bosses around here, and I am not going to be doing that any time soon. I still don’t know what they see in her. She also tries to carry on conversations with me and when she finishes, she just does this really creepy stare without saying anything. I wish she’d just leave when she’s done talking, like normal people. Gah.
[Reply]
By Chaninn on Aug 10, 2010
Ohhh, the stare! My husband does this all the time and it’s very annoying. He’ll say something like “I think the dog needs to go outside.” then stare at me. If he thinks the dog needs to go outside then I think he needs to take the dog outside. Or sometimes he’ll say “Your desk is really cluttered.” and stare at me as if I’m going to leap up and clean off my desk just so he doesn’t have to look at my clutter.
Recently at work I’ve been manning the phones in the morning when the service reps are busy with inventory. That’s not so bad but the annoyance comes in when they don’t tell me when they need to do the inventory. They just leave their desks without telling me and I have to assume they are gone by the phone ringing. (They are in a different office.) They also don’t tell me when they get back. It’s annoying to answer the phone and realize I’m talking to a dial tone!
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Oh that phone thing is obnoxious. How hard is it to just SAY that they’re leaving? I mean, you’re doing them a FAVOR.
[Reply]
By Carrie on Aug 10, 2010
1. People at work who dump stuff on you with no warning and expect you to have it done yesterday AS IF YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. What? No, I haven’t been up since 2AM covering someone who is on vacation and spending most of my time out in that department, you know, doing THEIR JOB, I will ABSOLUTELY get that done for you RIGHT NOW because, psh, why would there be anything else that I have to do RIGHT THIS SECOND?
2. My GD coworker who starts conversations with me out of nowhere based on something he just heard on the radio. I don’t listen to the radio when there’s talking. It’s background noise. I listen to the music sometimes, but I really don’t give a crap what the DJ has to say about some sponsor or whatever. He knows this. But he persists in talking at me, and then asking me questions like I really was listening. How many blank stares do you need to get this through your head, man?
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Sometimes Phil has most of a conversation in his head before bringing me in in the middle. Or he starts talking about some work related thing or other technical thing he knows everything about, like I am totally up to speed. Then gets annoyed when I have no idea what he’s talking about. ARGH.
[Reply]
By Natalie on Aug 10, 2010
I have another one based on Carrie’s post about co-worker trying to start conversations based on something she didn’t hear. My husband is a very alert driver, me not so much as a passenger. When we’re riding along in the car he’ll point and not say anything, expecting me to know what he’s pointing at, and then he’ll get mad when I miss it because I didn’t look fast enough. I finally told him he was being ridiculous, and he’s better, but because we’re often in tune about other stuff, I think he just expects me to know what has caught his eye. And frankly, I just don’t care most of the time! I’m not interested in cars.
[Reply]
By Erica on Aug 10, 2010
As a person with children, I get the expectant stare fairly often. When Capt. Obvious feels it necessary to point out something I do or don’t do for/with my kids, my response is always “And your point is…?”
I swear. Frequently. So I get “You sure do swear a lot.” *expectant stare* My reply? “What’s your fucking point?”
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
WHAT ARE THEY WAITING TO HEAR? Seriously! At least phrase your assholeyness as a QUESTION, GOSH.
[Reply]
By Willow on Aug 10, 2010
My usual response to the expectant stare is either something along the lines of “Yes, yes I do” or just give a cheezy grin.
Aggravations:
1. I’ll just use my reply to Superjules response above..people who get offended that I don’t know who they are. Seriously? You don’t know who I am, and I’m pretty damned famous in MY head, too!
2. Bloggers that I know in person who make an opinionated post full of generalizations then, when I respond to it and voice my differing opinion, I get the whole “Well you KNOW I didn’t mean YOU” e-mail. Umm…ya did, actually. You said “whatever label was being discussed that particular post” and that is exactly how I identify. Now you’re just back-pedaling because someone you may actually have to speak with face to face one day responded. /sigh
[Reply]
TJ Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Along the lines of your number 2, whenever I post any kind of annoyance on my blog or on twitter or whatever, I end up with 800 people apologizing or being like “well, now I’m paranoid you’re talking about ME…” and I have to spend half the day reassuring people who have nothing to do with the situation that they’re not the subject of my annoyance. ARGH.
[Reply]
By Alias Mother on Aug 11, 2010
I am currently aggravated by the opposite of the “don’t you know who I am” problem, in that my issue is people who never remember meeting me. Look, I’m under no delusion that I’m the most fascinating, memorable person in the world. I also accept that I have a better memory for faces/names than many people, so occasionally I do remember someone who doesn’t remember me. If we briefly crossed paths at a party, no problem. I’m not offended. But if I sat next to you at a dinner party? If I had an hour-long conversation with you? If I’ve been introduced to you FIVE OR SIX TIMES and each time you’re all, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you” I’m going to get a little pissy. At some point, the lack of remembering becomes a bit aggressive.
[Reply]