I need a brilliant idea
December 2nd, 2009 | by TJ |So, there are a lot of half-assed kind of things I do on this blog, like the conversations Phil and I have, or when I write one of the “Settle This” posts, or other different recurring themes, like the Becoming People Who Comment posts (which only have one post left which is being delayed for a specific reason on top of the reason that once I write the last post, that project is over and I’m out of projects).
There’s also stuff like the Cosmo Cliff Notes, which are way fun to do, but I only get to do them about once a month, and Martha Stewart Living Cliff Notes or Women’s Day Cliff Notes don’t sound nearly as entertaining. What I find myself needing is a new, consistent outlet for my creative energies, and I feel like a total douche saying that because I have never once considered myself to be someone who is creative, nor someone who has any energies. However, it is what it is, and I need to find something to do with myself.
So here are some ideas I have come up with:
Idea one: Learn to knit, and then knit life-sized replicas of everyone I know and some famous people, and then position them around the house and start a new blog where I will write hilarious photo essays of them having cocktail parties and shit in my house.
Potential problems with this idea: I can’t knit. I don’t know how to take good pictures. I don’t actually even own a camera. I’m out of hilarious ideas past “cocktail party.” Yarn could get very expensive. Our dog likes to eat stuffed items and I think that while finding yet another stuffed animal or body part ripped apart is annoying, seeing the dog tear apart life-sized people replicas would become quite traumatic.
Idea two: A new blog where I tell you about all of my favorite stuff, Oprah-style, and everyone is jealous and oohs and ahhs because I have such a sense of style and an interesting life and such skill and thoughtfulness in selecting the objects and products with which I surround myself. It wouldn’t be funny, but it would be totally inspiring towards a better life.
Potential problems with this idea: I don’t actually have any sense of style or skill or an interesting life. I don’t even have any stylish things, really. Once I am past Diet Coke with Lime and this Suave stuff for kids that detangles your hair and comes in a green bottle with an octopus on it, I am pretty much out of favorite things. While the green bottle with the purple octopus goes with the “holy shit did a preschool explode in here” decorating aesthetic I have going on, I am pretty sure that the style to bandwagon admire at the moment is the one where you act like you came up with Zooey Daschenel’s whole schtick yourself and she totally jacked it from you.
Oh, also, you have to love letter press shit, and I’m pretty over all that letter press shit. And nothing I own has those fucking arty birds on it, so count me the fuck out of your stupid little “oh aren’t I so stylish and charming and unique” club, you big fat jerks. It’s not my fault I think letter press shit of fucking arty birds is pretty played out, but do you have any room for me and my green octopus bottle at your cool kids table? DOUBTFUL.
Idea three: A blog where I give you a deep, insightful tip every day on how to be a better person.
Potential problems with this idea: See above “fucking arty birds” rant.
Idea four: A blog in which I only write Cosmo Cliff Notes, only about all my other magazines and TV shows I watch as well, because Cosmo only comes once a month and I get really bored waiting in between.
Potential problems with this idea: I don’t see any, because it sounds awesome to me, which means there are glaring problems that I am totally missing.
Idea five: A hilarious blog that I can con my favorite hysterical people, like Aunt Becky, into participating in with me.
Potential problems with this idea: Not actually an idea, not skilled at conning, would feel like I could not pull an equal amount of hilarity weight.
Internet, this is where you come in. With a brilliant idea. In case that wasn’t clear.
(PS - You know how I interviewed Stone Fox of Life in the Fast Lane for the Great Interview Experiment? Mary Mac at Pajamas and Coffee posted her interview with me today, so go check that out.)
By Chibi Jeebs on Dec 2, 2009
Um, I just started Idea Two last night. Please don’t throw fucking arty birds at me, okay? *ducks* (As in the action, not the water fowl.)
I kinda like Ideas Two through Five: you’re funny and I like reading your shit.
Two expletives in one comment. I think I’m done now.
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TJ Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I will forgive your #2.
Ha, I’m 12.
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Chibi Jeebs Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
Yeah well, so am I, because that totally made me snort-laugh out loud.
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By Tchann on Dec 2, 2009
Go with the Cosmo cliff notes, but add in Glamour and Seventeen and all those other girly makeup style mags. :D
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TJ Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Since I started doing the Cosmo thing, I mentally Cliff Notes-ize everything I read and watch.
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By Kelly on Dec 2, 2009
Brilliant ideas, huh? Well, #4 is pretty darn good. Could you also write Cliff Notes for the magazines I subscribe to and don’t have time to read?
I get pretty good mileage out of talking about stupid people, but there are probably WAY more stupid people in NY than AZ. Even going by percentages, we must have you beat.
Do you mind if I borrow #2? I have lots of favorite stuff. I could probably make a case for why the Pigma(R) Micron(R) by Sakura of America is the best pen IN THE UNIVERSE.
Also, mocking existing products is a lot of fun. Possibly too easy given the plethora of amazingly stupid products on the market, but still fun.
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TJ Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
You can most certainly use idea 2 – there’s tons of blogs like that out there. That feature letter press shit and fucking arty birds. So as a warning, if you want to write about letter press shit and fucking arty birds, I am probably not going to read it. Pens are ok though.
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Kelly Reply:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I have nothing to say about letter press shit and fucking arty birds except maybe WTF? Birds are the devil, and fucking arty birds are like the devil on steroids. Or something.
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By Skraps on Dec 2, 2009
I like the cliff notes idea.
Also I did not know that suave stuff was for hair! All this time I have been spraying it on arms and legs because it makes putting a wet suit on sooo much easier!
A little on each arm and leg and the thing slides right on.
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By Brien on Dec 2, 2009
How about Full House episode recaps? Or a countdown of the best sitcoms of the 80s and 90s?
Really, I think your best content comes from the fact that crazy shit always happens to you and you tell good stories about it. So I think the best way to spice up the blog is for you to visit odd places and find excuses to meet odd people. The blog ideas will come naturally.
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By TheWicked on Dec 2, 2009
#4 sounds pretty good. A TJ’s Cliff Notes of “Lost” would be sweet.
A reverse #2 would be great as well. By reverse I mean “My most despised things” instead of “My favorite things”.
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By Iain on Dec 2, 2009
I like idea number 4 because then I get to read about American shows and magazines and stuff that we (probably) don’t get in NZ.
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By Susan (Trout Towers) on Dec 2, 2009
I’ve got it.
Please write a number 2 column (bwahahha) of stuff that’s played out. Not just arty birds, but phrases and haircuts too.
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
Hm… your idea has merit. Being as flighty as I am, I sicken of things rather quickly. Basically, I think everything that isn’t me is pretty played out. So I’d have plenty of material!
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By Mikey on Dec 2, 2009
How about a blog of people you would want to punch in the crotch. It could be anyone and you could tell little stories about how you would set it all up in lavish and extraordinary ways. I would read it (of course that isn’t saying much).
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:02 am
An interesting idea, but I am not actually nearly as angry a person as this blog may make me seem.
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Mikey Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
neither am I but there are certain people who you can only get to act right with a good ol’ crotch punch.
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By fidget on Dec 3, 2009
ive been trying to con aunt becky into writing with me- i too suck at the con.
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 am
Or maybe she’s hip to our game. I haven’t actually yet begun to con, so that would mean she also has ESP.
A formidable challenge, to be sure.
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fidget Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
fuck, you are so right. I bet she has ESP. I even have a URL to con her into writing with me.. you know, when I remember the password and am no longer locked out of my wordpress on that site
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:04 am
I bet she knows it and isn’t telling you. You know, because of the ESP.
She is downright diabolical.
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By fidget on Dec 3, 2009
damn it man! Her damn wiener ESP told her of my plot AND the password so she went in and changed to it prevent that whole awkward moment where i screw up the courage to ask instead of con and she has to let me down
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By Adrienzgirl on Dec 3, 2009
Ok, I am totally lost. What is up with the fucking artsy birds? Birds are nasty BTW. They poop and the molt their dander and ewwww…
Germy, nastiness. How can that be arty? Hmm? You are feeling me huh?
Anyfowl, I came over to stalk you cause Miss MaryMac, Mac, Mac all dressed in Black, Black, Black. God I have to stop doing that. Anyway, she said you were funny and shit. So, I am here! Tah Dah!
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TJ Reply:
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
You know! Arty letterpress birds!
Like this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sesameletterpress/2522680173/
If you read pretty much any of the more self-impressed style blogs, you will find that we are ALL ABOUT the letter press shit. And birds. Arty birds.
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By Rob Coulstock on Dec 3, 2009
To play off the fact that people like to know how you live (trust me they do) but it’s freaky to tell people too much info about ya.
I’d go with taking a close up pic of some mundane (I’m thinking, you know, toothbrush, hairdryer, diet soda can) item, you know like REALLY close up so you can’t tell what it is unless you know what it is, then getting people to guess what it is. then telling a story about the item when you reveal what it is.
Of course this idea assumes you have stories about diet soda cans. Normally I’d say thats unlikely but given your blogging history I reckon ya could find something :)
JMTCW
Cheers
Rob
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By Phaedra on Dec 3, 2009
I don’t know – I kinda like the knitting idea (it may be because I’m a knitter…sorta…when I’m not gaming or reading or lounging).
If you are seriously interested in learning, I HIGHLY recommend “Stich and Bitch”. It’s genius.
I would also enjoy your second idea, because I want to find brownie pudding and you seem to like stuff I like.
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By Fyurae on Dec 3, 2009
I vote for a combo of cliffs notes and collaborating with other people you trick into doing the blog. Get other people to write cliffs notes.
Also, does it really have to be a new blog? You can’t do it here?
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