I can’t do what I was going to do, so let’s wait for one of the dogs to lactate.

I was at Ross tonight – do you have those? We didn’t have them where I lived before, but it’s like Marshalls or TJMaxx or whatever, and you can order those however you want in your mind. They are not exactly equal, but similar. Anyway, I was there, because I did not have it in me to go all the way out to TJMaxx, because even though it was only 6pm, it was already dark and I felt like I was not supposed to be out, and there was a woman who kept insisting that she needed more, more of the 18 month, she needed more selection, and she needed the poor guy tidying the shelves to go “look in the back” for her.

That’s all there is to that story, but it was enough of a story that I called my sister on my way home to tell her about it, even though I had limited phone battery left, and was potentially using up my one “I’m in a ditch on the side of this oddly desolate suburban road, probably going to die here alone!” phone call.

I also set off the car alarm from inside the car. I have no idea how I did that, or how I stopped it.

I was on the phone with my sister and somehow we got on the topic of what I was going to write about tonight, and I mentioned something about the relationship between blog posters and blog commenters, and my intent to post about that, and she said, “ha-ha, people are going to be angry at you.” So you know what, let’s save that one for tomorrow.

Instead, guess which one of these dogs ate a box of breastfeeding tea bags today:

Fat dog on a little couch.


I reject your notion of cleanliness and replace it with my own oily stink.

Time will tell, dogs. Time will tell. Three to five days of time, judging by how many tea bags were eaten by the dog in question who I am not saying is Brinkley, but I am definitely saying is probably not Sheldon. My house smells like fenugreek maple salmon dog food farts. Brinkley has settled into his old man years with gusto. He’s not even trying to hold them in anymore.

I realized last night that I miss Christopher Eccleston, which means that it’s about time to start Doctor Who all over. Who else is ready to go around again? Can we start together? I’m leaving on Friday, I’ll have the time.

I’ll do better tomorrow.

22 thoughts on “I can’t do what I was going to do, so let’s wait for one of the dogs to lactate.

  1. TJ Post author

    I’ve started chopping huge chunks out of my posts and saving them as drafts for whole different posts. One thousand years into NaBloPoMo, I finally figure it out. I’m doing champion arms.

  2. Stephanie M

    For some reason, that picture of Brinkley makes me laugh EVERY TIME. And this time…oh, Kelly, I’m dying.

    TJ Reply:

    The Three Brinkleys – this one, the Oh Shit, Ice Cream Man one, and the one where it’s just his feet sticking up in the air on the bed – all of them never fail to make me laugh until I snort.

  3. LizP

    I just watched 28 days later, totally forgot Christopher Eccleston was in it.

    TJ Reply:

    I don’t think I have ever seen another Christopher Eccleston thing, ever!

  4. meanliving

    I’ve never watched the Whos before (except for the Fourth, when I was very small), and have recently watched Rose and the one after that.

    I think you should maybe contact Yankee Candle with your new fragrance. I have not a doubt in my mind that someone would buy a fenugreek maple salmon dog food fart candle. Would make for interesting label art too.

    TJ Reply:

    When I watched the Whos all the way through just a little while back, it was quite a few episodes before I was sure it was going to take. But then, looking back, once I was in, it was that first one, Rose, where it really got me. “Lots of planets have a north” and “Did I mention it also travels in time?” and her running to him, and “Nice to meet you, Rose Tyler, I’m the Doctor. Run for your life.” Oh, Nine. Nine’s my guy. I miss him, like physically miss him sometimes. But then, I physically miss Doctor Who right now, while it’s on hiatus. It’s one of those things. One of those things John Green is talking about in his quote about nerds that was made into a print that we are having framed and put on our wall, about how being a nerd is being unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Look at me, nerding out about it right now. It’s just SO ENJOYABLE to enjoy a thing that is SO ENJOYED.

    meanliving Reply:

    I love that print of yours and think of it often. People who don’t occasionally get all excited about ridiculous things are missing out.

    meanliving Reply:

    Can I get the link for that print again please? This time I’m going to bookmark that sucker. Eventually that print will (might) be mine.

    TJ Reply:

    Here it is in blue, and on the right side, you can see it’s available in a couple other colors as well. http://dftba.com/product/12d/Nerds-Like-Us-Poster–Blue

    I think, if you’ve got kids, which you do, it’s a good one to have up as a sort of household value to be embraced, both as a reminder of a way to treat others and as a way to enjoy the shit out of your life. Not that, you know, I’m telling you how to have household values or anything. But it’s a good one. I’m just saying.

  5. Linnea Welch

    I was thinking just the other day that I should stop just picking random good past-Who episodes and restart the whole thing so as to appreciate all the awesomeness over again.

    I thought I had more to say, but it turns out I’m just thinking about gas masks and the Face of Boe and stuff like that.

    TJ Reply:

    I’m about to snort Phil awake thinking about the time I called him the Butt of Boe. I know it’s not attractive to laugh at your own jokes, so it’s good that I don’t need to attract anyone, as I’m often the only person laughing at them. For way too long after they’ve happened.

    Last week I called my sister turkey tits.

    Still funny.

  6. Erin

    If it takes most dogs until old age to really let go with the farts, I’m so screwed. Torg is only two and he can already wake me up in the middle of the night from across a room.

    And the interesting thing is, out of all the crap he eats that he’s not supposed to, the only thing that really makes his butt smell awful is rawhides. One of the few things he’s SUPPOSED to chew on.

  7. Christy M

    I just started watching Who a few weeks ago. I watched The Empty Child last night and it freaked me right out. Because of course it ends in a terrible cliff-hanger and I was watching it in the dark right before bed. Stupid mistake! I had to make my husband keep talking to me about things that are not children with gasmask faces asking for their mommies. Jesus.

    Anyway, I’m still not sure if it’s going to take, but I keep seeing references for intriguing things like weeping angels and bad wolf and crap like that so I guess imma see how deep this rabbit hole goes.

  8. beylit

    Right after I finished watching Who so I could be all ready for the new season the husbeast got the stupid box on the TV to work so we could watch netflix on the TV and not my lap top and he insisted we start Who all over again since he hadn’t seen them. Not that I don’t love me some Who but I had JUST finished marathon watching all of it. That and he insisted I hold off on watching the new season until he was caught up so we could watch it together.
    Can I tell you how hard it is to honor that request. They sit on my DVR mocking me. I want to know so bad what happens to the Ponds but NOOOOOO, I have to wait on him.
    We just finished Let’s Kill Hitler, so I still have a way to go. Hopefully by Christmas I will be all caught up.

  9. Renee from GA

    Ok. I hesitate to post this but it SEEMS like it might be a Safe Place to do so. I have never watched Dr. Who- any Dr. Who. There are multiple seasons/Who’s from which to choose! I want to get in on the nerding but I do not know where to start! Is asking for input on this akin to posting, “So, breast or bottle?” on a parenting forum?

    TJ Reply:

    Ok, Doctor Who has been going on for a LONG time, like, a billion years in the UK. It started in the 60s or whatever, and went to the 80s, and then fizzled out, but was then rebooted in 2005 with the Ninth Doctor, Christopher Eccleston. This series is available on Netflix entirely, and is rolled along slowly such that you don’t have to have seen ANY of the old stuff to pick it up at all. I didn’t think I’d be able to get into it without any of the old back story, but you don’t need it at all.

    That’s where you want to start. The new series, starting in 2005, six seasons available (marked one through six) on Netflix streaming, OR available for purchase on DVD.

    Phil was ahead of me, and I WILL NOT watch/discuss with someone who is ahead of me, ESPECIALLY Phil, because he will look over to make sure I picked up on something, or do terrible things like that, and I was perfectly fine without “help” understanding what was going on, I didn’t need anything explained to me, and I am now actually the superior fan of the house.

  10. H

    I love dogs, dog stories and dog pictures. Your dogs, their antics and their photos make me laugh every time!

  11. Renee from GA

    Aha! I seem to remember seeing a few uber cheesy scenes from the UK incarnation. I think those memories are why I didn’t give the reboot a try. Will start with 2005. I wish I had friends who were into this kind of thing to watch with but maybe I am happy not to have “help” following along. I think I was the Phil back in the day with X Files. Thanks! Also? I am a dyed in the wool Cat Person but I just love Sheldon and Brinkley.

  12. Lila

    I love that you love Eccleston! My Doctor will always be Tom Baker (there’s just something about your first Doctor – like a lil duckling who imprints on its mother), but I do enjoy Eccleston immensely. I just re-watched them earlier this year (in anticipation of the new episodes), but it’s just so fun I might have to go another round in anticipation of the Christmas episode.

    Funny coinkydink? At farmer’s market today, I tried fenugreek sprouts and the vendor mentioned sweat that smelled like maple syrup. :)

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