All right already.

October 3rd, 2007 | by TJ |

The Great Mofo Delurk 2007Ok, so, here is what I’m doing today. Personally, I’m not displeased by the number or quality of comments that I get, but I know I’m totally one of those assholes that hides in my feedreader and never comments on anything I read. Apparently, there’s been some widespread comment droppage rates the whole internet wide, it’s a goddamn epidemic! I know that Doom has bitched at me for never commenting on his page, I just email him or make some comment later, in game, and that’s so douchbaggy of me. I’ve been making a better effort with Doom’s page, but there’s still that whole list on the right that I never comment on, and then all the ones in my feedreader, and then all the ones that are linked from your comments… I have a desk job, I DO read all this stuff. Honest.

So, like I said, while I’m rather pleased with the comments I get (I swear y’all crack me up all day long), I know I am not doing my fair share to contribute to comments set free in the wild, so I’m going to work on that today. You do that, too. And if you haven’t commented here before, I guess today you should, except you’ll probably leave a link to YOUR blog, which I’ll start reading and refreshing as obsessively as I do all the others that I read, and I’ll never get any work done at work, and I’ll have to start working later and later at night just to get my normal work done, except I’ll probably keep reading blogs then, too, so I’ll just get farther and farther behind in work, and never have time to play WoW, and then I’ll get fired, probably, and I’ll be so depressed I won’t want to play WoW, and I’ll spend all the money I have left on slippers shaped like animals and mumus and unflattering robes, probably wear my hair in curlers just to complete the look, start collecting cats, which I’ll have to keep in the box I’ll eventually have to live in, and kids will probably bang on the walls of my box, and I’ll end up being that crazy lady that screams at kids to get off her lawn, except you don’t really have a lawn when you live in a box with your cats, so it would be more like “Get off the area around this box!,” and it’s eventually going to rain, and my box will get all soggy, so I’ll have to venture out with my cats for higher ground, but by then there will probably be so many cats that when I carry them all, I might drop one, and knowing my luck it would land in a storm drain, and when I fish it out of there, there will be a dollar that I’ll clutch in my bony hand, bony, of course, since I’d been feeding my cats instead of myself, and I’ll take that dollar and have a selfish moment, and instead of buying more food for all my cats, especially the poor dear I just had to fish out of the storm drain, or food for myself, I’ll buy a lottery ticket, end up a millionaire, and then I’ll be that crazy millionaire lady who lives in a box with all her cats.

So, in order to keep my life and the life of others as interesting and exciting as the one I described above, thus giving you more to read about, you should comment here and everywhere else that you lurkingly read today. I will do the same. I shall report back if I find anything interesting.

44 Responses to “All right already.”

  1. By bob the goat on Oct 3, 2007

    There is no chance that you will become a millionair. You will spend your last dollar on a Marlbro Light, rum, or possibly chicken nuggets.

  2. By Boffors on Oct 3, 2007

    Her last dollar would be the one from BRK, and we know she would not spend that dollar. She may try to sell it back to him, but I don’t know if you can get internet to a cardboard box, and he would probably offer to buy it with a raspberry latte.

  3. By Garrick on Oct 3, 2007

    At least get an awesome cardboard box . . . like maybe one that once held a washing machine or other large appliance! Those are sturdy. I’d also recommend parking this box under an overpass. A lot of the good overpasses are already occupied but the current squatters can generally be chased away by screeching about the “end times” or, if that fails, just offer to hand out spare cats. They will scatter and your box will stay dry and solid. I would recommend the DVD on how to make prison weaponry, since a lot of those skills also apply to “box living”, but I really don’t want to Google that from work.

    I enjoy the blog. I apologize for all my lurking.

    Garrick

  4. By TJ on Oct 3, 2007

    @Boffors: Don’t overestimate me. If I was out of money and out of cigarettes and/or diet soda, I would totally break the glass on the BRK dollar.

    @Garrick: Your advice is extremely helpful, you should write an e-book on box living. It makes me wonder if you’ve thought of all of this before.

    @Anyone else: If you do comment, don’t forget to leave your blog link, if you have one. If you don’t want to leave it for some reason, you can e-mail it to me, too.

  5. By Ego on Oct 3, 2007

    You know, you’re right.

    Back when I actually physically went to the blogs I watch, I had a much higher comment rate.

    Now that I use a feed reader, I lurk. Like a turnip.

  6. By Xeln on Oct 3, 2007

    I think all the lurking that is going on is merely a phase caused by the weather, and maybe sunspots. See sunspots can negatively effect the aitherial energies in the subcortex of your nano processors in your foot, thus causing your blood pressure to rise and fall at a highly increased rate. This in turn reduces the amount of important “toxins” such as alcohol, nicotine, and sodium that actually keep you stimulated and alive. If these events continue then the small oxidized combustion drives in your brain and heart will eventually lose all fuel and will spontaneously cause your spleen to rupture, releasing all those hormones you thought you got rid of during puberty. After you are done reveling in your reawoken sex drive, and your suddenly decreased intelligence and common sense, you will suddenly realize that you have been an ass lately and forgoten to comment on anything you actually read on the internet, and that the actual amount of filth, idiocy and bitingly sarcastic and pointless comments that abound on the internet has decreased do to this worldwide epidemic and….. Wait…. WTF was that all about…. Nevermind.

  7. By Doomilias on Oct 3, 2007

    feed readers make people fat and lazy.

    feed readers cause high blood pressure.

    extended use of feed readers can lead to cancer.

    feed readers promote tooth decay.

    feed readers claim to have half the fat of regular blogs and 0 transfats, but they contain olestra, which can cause anal leakage.

    have a nice day.

  8. By Daxenos on Oct 3, 2007

    /lurk

    .>

    o.O

  9. By kakalaki on Oct 3, 2007

    Prison weaponry would be a must. How else are you going to highjack the Cig and Coke trucks. Even a box lady has to meet her needs. If you are going to live in a box, I recommend you check out home improvement guru Anton Jackson for home improvement tips. Check him out here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DXzp8BW2UI

    Another thing you need to do is to train your cats to get you money. Have one cat trip innocent bystanders and another steal their purse/wallet. Don’t worry TJ, we will all come and visit. I’ll walk overhead and yell down “Hello down there TJ!” and I might even throw down some Wendy’s chicken nuggets for ya. :)

  10. By Wildhermit on Oct 3, 2007

    I lurk… it is what I do… it fits my name :)

    As to your box dilema. I have had this same thought this week… boxes are for noobs. I was running fiber cable this past week and we had to go in these manholes. Those rock! If I ever become a bum I am so moving into a manhole. They are a 5ft cube, at least the ones I was in were… You could string a hammock up, and live in a hole, pretending you are a hobbit or something :)

  11. By OneTimeOnly on Oct 3, 2007

    I can’t believe I’m giving in… Lurking was the only thing I was any good at. :-( Goodbye cruel world.

  12. By Kat on Oct 3, 2007

    I thank TJ! And thanks to those of you that comment on her blog. I have to be careful because I actually do laugh out loud. It is one of the few sites I can still get to and am also allowed to leave comments on. I do believe that this is part of the problem (work would call it a fix) for less comments on the web. Smarter web filters.

  13. By Wildhermit on Oct 3, 2007

    In defense of the lurker…

    I often lurk as I have nothing of “merit” to add. Rather than just clutter up the comments section with random gibberish (not unlike this) I prefer to just read enjoy and move in. However, I shall make an effort to come up with some usefull comments to balance out my lurking in the future. :)

  14. By TJ on Oct 3, 2007

    @Xeln: All I got out of that is that I’m going to get a whole bunch of STDs soon. Thanks.

    @kakalaki: OMG IT WAS YOU! You know what I’m talking about. /rage. Very sneaky. Hahahaha get it!

    @OneTimeOnly: Well, now you’re good at nothing. Sounds like a good time to start learning to knit.

    @WildHermit: No no no, don’t start writing “useful” comments. I don’t write “useful” posts. You can’t show me up on my own damn blog.

  15. By kakalaki on Oct 3, 2007

    Why madam I don’t know what you are talking about.

    /innocent_look

    My ways are swift and silent, but the effects are always slow and loud!

  16. By Sonvar on Oct 3, 2007

    I don’t have blog for you to comment on so you don’t have to worry about losing your job over me. If I wasn’t sure before I know now that you are a total pessimist.

  17. By Doogie2K on Oct 3, 2007

    Fair warning: if you ever become a box lady, and specifically a vagabond box lady, avoid Toronto. There’s this dude there running a bum fighting league (more fair warning: linked post is high on the raunch-humour scale), and you’ll totally wind up spending your days scrapping angry Listerine-swilling Native women, and those fuckers do NOT fight fair.

    (Yes, I spent fifteen whole minutes debating whether that entire joke was over some sort of line; I’ll let the proprietor be the final judge. Oh, and the linked blog is not mine, and it’s normally a hockey blog.)

    My “blog,” such as it is, is linked to my name, has no comment section and is only sporadically updated by me personally, so…go nuts, I guess?

  18. By Ratshag on Oct 3, 2007

    Hello TJ.

    I may have left a comment or two here before, or maybe I was just respondicating to sumthin’ you said on BRK’s blog. Dunno. I’s just a simple orc, and I can’t be bothered to remember the details. Anywho: today = I no lurking.

    –Rat

  19. By Jammall - Gorgonnash on Oct 3, 2007

    I lurk. I do not blog. I comment rarely.

    It seems at times I merely exist to make superficial comments on content that was well thought out by the author.(I’m sure a hyphen goes in there somewhere, but F-it.) Alas, that may be my sole purpose in life. :/

    BAH! Guess not. I just have a few people who’s writing style and wit intrigue me. Mix that fact with some common interests and you have me reading everyday and commenting rarely. :)

  20. By Dick on Oct 3, 2007

    Im going to lurk today and not post. Damnit, well I screwed that one up.

    /gun_head

  21. By twww on Oct 3, 2007

    I confess. I’m a lurker.
    Like you, if I commented on every blog that I read, I would certainly become a crazy cat-lady-in-a-box. I already have the 2 cat starter kit….

  22. By Kestrel on Oct 3, 2007

    /delurks

    I use a feed reader, but I also go to the individual blog sites when I find an article of interest (like this one). And when I’m there, I try to leave at least one comment.

    Interestingly, my blog spiked to almost 500 hits yesterday–and has been zooming upwards for a week. Yet in that time, only about a half-dozen comments. Am I THAT boring? :*(

  23. By HappyHunter on Oct 3, 2007

    To avoid being a total lurker I try to maintain a one comment per week minimum on the few blogs that I read.

    For the record, cats are overrated. I have a house rabbit and she and I could have our own hobo-adventures without all the meowing and “ass in face” antics that cats pull.

    Bunnies FTW!!

    Oh, and if you’ve never watched Frisky Dingo you should check it out. It’s an Adult Swim cartoon that happens to have an episode involving cardboard box dwelling. Every week I watch the new episode and do my best not to pee a little in my pants. Simply ridiculous.

    I should note that I’m a 26 year old man, not a young child. The references to having a bunny and watching cartoons could fool you into thinking that I’m young but alas, I’m aging rapidly. The bunny (Maddy) was “given” to me after my girlfriend of 9 years and I split up. She couldn’t take Maddy on the road with her while she traveled for work. And damnit I just love Adult Swim.

    Wow, this comment turned into a blog. Looks like I’ve just crushed any remaining lurker status.

  24. By Mosshoof the tauren druid on Oct 3, 2007

    Um…

    For the horde!

    /cower

  25. By Dick on Oct 3, 2007

    Hey my dog’s name is Maddy. good name!

  26. By Lamfada on Oct 3, 2007

    I pace my lurking … I can lurk all night and still have the energy for an extended burst of lurking just before dawn.

  27. By Arren on Oct 3, 2007

    /stoplurk

    Yeah, guilty as charged. I’m in the same boat as most folks here. If I have nothing witty or substantive to add, I enjoy the post and following comments and move along. I shall make it a point to comment on your blog more often, considering we demon-loving locks gotta stick together and fight off those hunters.

  28. By Big Bear Butt on Oct 3, 2007

    TJ, I agree with otehrs that the feed reader thing is a nasty culprit of ‘me no comment thingie’.

    I have mostly stopped using feed readers because I realized they were making it hard to be a commenter, and also (and much more evil) I think that feed readers don’t count as page hits.

    I have zero evidence or knowledge to support that.. I gots me no idea how RSS and such work. All I knows is I have a feed reader I set up and used for a week, adn while it was awesome to not ever miss a post, I just started to think maybe I was getting the goodies without giving the pagehits… and that would be mean :(

  29. By Chris on Oct 3, 2007

    OK TJ I will try to do better to – thanks for the realization – I have looked at a lot of stuff but never leave comments.

    Thanks.

  30. By AE on Oct 3, 2007

    Crap…I just realized I was lurking at lurkers who were commenting in order to renounce their lurking status while lurking at other lurkers themselves!

    /rubs head

    But seriously, box living, cat lovin, crazy lotto winning ladies….that stuff is golden…keep it up TJ.

  31. By Doogie2K on Oct 3, 2007

    Oh, and I neglected to mention in the initial post:

    Cats fucking rock.

    That is all.

  32. By Gauntlet on Oct 3, 2007

    I tend to comment on blogs that have less comments (The Hunter’s Mark & Mania’s Arcania come to mind), because — while I still don’t have anything of worth to add — comments are nice to receive.

  33. By Jason on Oct 3, 2007

    Well, you asked, so here…linkage :-D

    http://deviantlunatic.blogspot.com/

    btw…

    entirely off-topic, but an addendum to your book shopping a few posts ago :)

    House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski…

    without giving away too much of the plot, it’s about a documentary maker who buys a house and finds out that the inside of the house is larger than the outside….

    one of the very few books i’ve ever seen in my life that is more art than literature…

    don’t get me wrong, the story is phenomenal…i’ve never gotten a panic attack from reading a book before, but this one succeeded masterfully…but the visual aspect of the book is vastly better imo…

    enjoy :)

  34. By Scribble on Oct 3, 2007

    Oh very well then… I’m really just watching to see what happens to The Dollar(tm).

    But have a comment!
    (And I have to agree about Fluke by the way)

  35. By iLLa on Oct 3, 2007

    chyeah.

  36. By Kettle on Oct 3, 2007

    umm ok wth is a mumu? i’m guessing google has let me down on this one, unless you’ve taken to hording all the phillipino monsters around the place, in which case the equal rights activists amongst are going to have a field day

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumu%2C_Philipino_Monster

  37. By Mana Battery on Oct 4, 2007

    Of course the one day I don’t come here is the day you ask people to post. Well I guess I wasn’t lurking per say anyway. And I need to finish my half-written piece and update my blog already. Mmmmlazy.

  38. By Xeln on Oct 4, 2007

    @Kettle: You know those rediculously idiotic women who always show up on the news after a tornado goes through their trailer park? And every single one of them seems to be wearing the same massively sized, ugly floral patterned, shapeless dress like thing? That thing is a mumu.

    @TJ: Sorry about the STD’s, I wasn’t trying to make you get those, just laugh a little. Although after rereading what I wrote I have to admit that I am more than a little worried about my own habits now. And still totally confused about what my earlier ramble was even about.

  39. By malficent - Kargath on Oct 4, 2007

    really like the blog…keep giving BRK hell!

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