Animal anger issues.
November 22nd, 2009 | by TJ |I did not grow up in a pet-having household. I’ve had a few pets over the course of the years, mostly fish and small mammal type things. Brinkley is my first experience living with a dog, and as this blog has shown over the last few months, I have taken to life with a dog in a big, unhealthy, obsessive kind of way.
So I know I kind of treat the dog too much like he’s people, but you’ve got to believe me, Internet, when I say that I am pretty sure he’s mad at me. Seriously. He is pissed off. I can TELL.
So, you know, he eats the crotch out of my underpants given the chance, but he’s pretty much always done that since I’ve lived here, that’s just a dog thing, right?
Lately, though, the house has been empty during the day except for me, and I shut myself in the office, because if I don’t, the cats sneak in and chew on wires. So Brinkley gets shut outside the room. And he ate my hat. Hats have been left all around this house his whole life and he’s never eaten one, until he deliberately sought out MINE. I KNOW it.
Since we don’t smoke anymore, he has to go outside by himself to eat and do his business, and I’ve taken to leaving him out there for 15 to 20 minutes every afternoon and walking out of this sight, so he gets used to being alone. So he destroyed a flower fot and threw plastic and soil all over the yard.
Yet given the chance? He hops right up into bed next to me and lays his head on my hip. Or he lays on the ground, clutching my purse between his paws. Or he lays on his pillow and asks me to cover him with my fleece blanket. (Shut up, yes he does.)
So, Internet, I am guessing that Brinkley is going through dog puberty, or whatever, and is extremely conflicted in his feelings towards me. Now, I know it makes him mad, but I know what is best for him and he needs to learn to eat and do his business outside all by himself. And he needs to be able to be left alone in the house without EATING MY HAT that Phil had JUST GIVEN ME as a SURPRISE PRESENT. (I was really kind of ridiculously sad about it.)
He’s all “I hate you so much, I am eating your hat, but then I will snuggle up next to you and hug your purse later.”
How am I supposed to teach a five year old dog not to be such a co-dependent butthead? And to stop eating my underpants? I mean, seriously, he goes right for the business portion of the underpants, and always mine, never Phil’s.
Basically, what I have decided to tell myself is that he just loves me SO MUCH that he’s overwhelmed and confused by it, and really, I can’t be too hard on him about that, because it’s completely understandable.
World’s Most Handsome Underpants Eater
EDIT: ALSO? I forgot to tell you. I have more evidence to support the case that the dog has personal issues with me, PERSONALLY. On the same day he ate my hat? He ate the last two pudding cups, too. And I have TOLD HIM how much I love pudding!
By Bellwether on Nov 22, 2009
He is so handsome.
I am now living with a 16 week old puppy and a year and a half old puppy of the golden retriever persuasion. I am bruised by their paws of love.
Also the underpants thing is weird and I can’t comment on it without being cray inappropriate.
I mean like WOAH inappropriate.
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By Awlbiste on Nov 22, 2009
Actually it sounds like Brinkley really likes you but part of him is also jealous of you.
I only speak from many years of cat-having experience. BUT. My cat is totally awesome and lovey-dovey towards both me and my mom when she lived here, however he also would act like a petulant child sometimes and act out towards me since (obviously) my mom likes me more than the cat. Once my mom moved though he’s been totally fine.
Solution: have Phil move out.
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Awlbiste Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Also keep your underpants in a drawer gosh why are they in dog-eating locations!? Unwanted Internet advice/judgment given.
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By Iain on Nov 22, 2009
Maybe he’s all wanting attention and can’t differentiate between positive attention and negative attention? So he plays up so you go out to him and do the exciting arm-waving loud-talking thing that he loves so much.
And I’m sorry about your hat. Would Phil be able to buy you a surprise replacement? Or would that not be the same?
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By MiddleAged&Crazy on Nov 23, 2009
Well I’m not dog whisper, but if I had to guess it’s basically what you surmise other than I would go a bit further and suggest that he’s having separation anxiety. Maybe you could start having “Together” time again with out smoking, just hang out with him. He just wants more of your time I think.
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By Jen_Ann_W on Nov 23, 2009
Five is young for a retriever so yeah, he’s being a needy, bratty, teenager sound like he’s also horribly bored. Run him around, take him on long walks, and wear his ass out.
Although really, maybe you should use a laundry hamper… ;-)
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By Aunt Becky on Nov 23, 2009
My dog eats Dave’s socks. It’s really, really weird. And also, it makes me giggle.
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By Skraps on Nov 23, 2009
Dogs are pack animals. When you separate them from the pack, even for 20 minutes while he goes outside to do his business, he feels seperated and punished. He acts out trying to get admittance back to the pack.
Buy a doggie door so he can go out and come back in at will, but be warned there is a bit of training involved with doggie door use. Also, if the cats get out and run away through the doggie door, that is just a bonus. Happy dog and no cats…It is all win.
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By Carrie on Nov 23, 2009
I haven’t had a dog in years, so I can’t relate specifically, but our cat does much the same thing when he is displeased with us. Generally it’s vomit though, rather than chewing on things. Always on the carpet, always somewhere we’re sure to be walking in bare feet. Although recently he managed to take out a knitting book my mom gave me last Christmas. I really liked that book, too.
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By Delicia on Nov 23, 2009
I agree with a few of the comments here — Brinkley is a pack animal and his pack is leaving him all alone. Since he obviously doesn’t have access to your favorite slippers to puke in them, the next best thing is chewing up your underwear and favorite hat. He wants his alpha mom back. Can you take a break or two during the day and go for a walk with him?
Obviously from earlier blog posts a doggie door is out since the cats are always trying to go outside and they are INSIDE cats. Maybe when you take him out to do his business take an extra 15 min to toss the tennis ball for him and try to wear him out a little?
-Del
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By gina on Nov 23, 2009
my opinion — he is jealous of you. My husband had a golden ret. when we met, she loved him and liked me. But she did not like me with him, so she ate my bra and then decided to jump in the lake while we were sitting there telling her not to… dogs – gotta love them. he is so handsome. but they can drive you insane! enjoy!
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By Adrian on Nov 23, 2009
Two words: Xer Size. I think you just need to take Brinkley for a walk every morning. Get a throw ball or some such and let him run ragged for about 30 mins or until he can goes no more.
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By Malene on Nov 23, 2009
I’m going to have to agree with the previous posters about him being a pack animal. My dog does somewhat the same. I’ve taught him to let go of things if I don’t want him to have it as a puppy nearly 9 years ago. He’s always been good at it, lets go of all his toys easily enough, but whenever I have to leave the house for school or work he will sneak out find my favourite pair of shoes, take it and then run with it through the entire house. He’ll try to attract as much attention as doggily possible. On his older days he’s just taken to hiding my shoes as soon as I kick them off. He will wait in the hallway not even bothering to greet me JUST to steal my shoes.And there’s no way he’ll let them go, calling him for food or treats don’t work, no commands at him work. Oh, That dog!
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By Shin Ae on Nov 23, 2009
I’ve never had a dog, but that’s how my kids used to act when they were littler and wanted attention. Except that “plastic and soil”? Make that “feta cheese”. And “outside”? Make that “inside and smeared all over everything including in the cracks between the boards of the hardwood floor”. Mmmm, feta.
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By Pookii on Nov 23, 2009
I feel your pain on the underpants eating issue.
My late black lab Rafael (no, we did not name him after the painter, we named him after the ninja turtle) had the habit of merrily chowing down on my underpants. As a young girl it was mortifying.
My solution: not leaving my underpants lying around, and distracting him with a squeaker toy.
My current black lab Donnatella (also named after a ninja turtle) developed the habit of chomping on my flip flops. With her sharp little puppy teeth. So all my flip flops had these little needle-point teeth marks decorating the heels.
My solution: smack her on the snout with the then-current flip flop of choice, and replace it with a chew toy containing a bone in the middle.
Good luck!
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By Mijjy on Nov 23, 2009
You’ll feel bad in 10 years when he dies and you want someone eating your underpants.
And then you’ll realise you want someone to eat your underpants. And then you’ll realise the horror of that statement.
Tru dat.
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By Lance on Nov 26, 2009
ok Brinkley is doing what our three dogs do and being bad cause he is feeling neglected. I suggest sitting outside with him when he has to do his business and eat and also getting him a special office bed so he can sit in there when you are working. Hope things are going good other then the underpants and hat eating.
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