Attempting to unfold myself.
November 18th, 2009 | by TJ |Internet, even though I live here and am practically made up of Internet myself, sometimes, I find the Internet to be just crushingly horrible.
I mean that I sometimes feel like I’m actually stooped forward in my chair, with my spine all crackly from the weight of how heavily the Internet is just trying to crush me up into a little ball.
Lately, I am feeling extra Internet-squished. Phil comes home from work and I feel like a floppy, flailing excuse of a person, with nothing to say to him except rambling, punctuation-free diatribes on what I’ve seen on the Internet that day, with alternating levels of disbelief and/or rage and/or unhappiness. And then I lay in a useless heap.
So there are liars, who continue to lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence calling them out, which I just can’t understand, because goddamnit, just come clean. Being lied to is infuriating, especially when it comes along with the “how dare you question me!” attitude that is so often present with Internet lying. Oh, I dare. I DARE.
Then there’s the now “retracted, sorry, didn’t actually happen, my bad” story about someone hurting their dog, which I couldn’t look away from but also couldn’t stand and had to let the dog sleep in the bed that night. And today, a blogger has had a sudden stroke, so Twitter streams and feedreaders are full of news and updates and sadness.
And just yesterday, Phil and I were talking about how I ignored him for a year, but now that he sits in the same office with me and sees what I sometimes deal with – people writing mean shit about me that I have to pretend to ignore, and the sense of entitlement that a very small but very vocal segment of my readers enjoys exhibiting, or the frustration of dealing with the Internet’s assumption that it actually knows me, or the weird feeling of obligation to answer every email and comment in a cheerful fashion – he now understands a little better why I used to blow him off so much.
And we can’t forget how regularly the Internet likes to remind us of how outright mean women like, truly like, to be to other women, in a schoolyard bully, gang-up type mentality.
Anyway, Internet, sometimes, I admit it – at the end of a day of working while finding time to respond to comments and emails and write posts and talk with people on Twitter and do other things I’ve promised someone I’d somehow manage to get done, I am all “ENOUGH INTERNET I HAVE HAD ENOUGH CAN’T YOU JUST BE NORMAL FOR ONE DAY!”
But! As severe as the permanent Internet-curve in my spine is getting, it is equally difficult to overlook some of the comparably spectacular awesomeness that comes out of the Internet.
First of all? The people who comment here are freakin’ hilarious. Once Phil gets home from work, I read him comments pretty much all night, as they come in. We think y’all are funny.
Secondly? The Internet finds things for you. Thanks to luxiia’s comment a week or so back, I actually have a wedding photographer, and I am very excited about them. Here’s their blog, if you want to check them out. Which you should. Because they’re awesome.
Thirdly? I suppose I can’t totally overlook the fact that I have a Phil.
Fourthly? I got to go see Hank Green last night, and I wouldn’t even know who he was without the Internet, and of course, we cannot forget this, from Hank’s brother John, either.
So, maybe you see my dilemma, Internet. It’s impossible to avoid all of the aforementioned Internet negatives, the ones that have made me a half inch shorter than I was at this time last year, because they are so ridiculously intertwined with the good things. I wouldn’t have funny commenters without also taking on the entitled know it alls. You wouldn’t be able to see such fantastic examples of women supporting women without watching women tear other women down. You wouldn’t be able to enjoy seriously talented writers without wading through some lying wannabes.
You know, you’d think that I had some kind of uplifting conclusion to this post, about how the good finally does outweigh the bad, or asking you for your own stories about Internet crappiness versus Internet redemption, but you’d think wrong. They’re just barely balancing each other out right now, and I’m not really in the mood to speak highly of the Internet.
How about you come up with an applicable question calling for your own thoughts or experiences that I’d normally put here, and we’ll all just answer each others (don’t ask ME a question. Ask yourself the question that I should have asked you here, if I were in the state of mind to come up with a proper post conclusion, which I am not, unless I can somehow relate it to the episode of Full House I am watching, and while I am normally pretty good at relating just about anything and everything to an episode of Full House, it doesn’t seem to be happening today). In the meantime, I will sit here and recover from crushing Internet overdose before I am folded in half.
By Awlbiste on Nov 18, 2009
This is the joy I find in being a hypocrite: I don’t take the internet seriously when it’s being a butthole, only when it’s being nice. It works out. Also not being a blogger anymore and not being involved in any of that besides reading a very few select blogs has helped immensely.
UNASKED FOR ADVICE KIND OF GIVEN. SORRY.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
You didn’t even COME UP WITH A QUESTION and answer it.
SEE? The Internet can’t even follow simple directions!
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Awlbiste Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
It’s not really willful disobedience, I’m just lazy.
What color socks are you wearing? No wait… ummm… How about where do you go on the internet when you feel an attack of Internet Scoliosis coming on?
I visit dlisted because every single thing there is hilarious and offensive to idiots.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
How annoying is it that only I can nest comments this deeply?
Also?
How much extra do you love me right now?
Also, also? When suffering from the Internet-bents, I look for smart, nerdy funny, like bash.org or the xkcd quote database, when I can remember how to find it.
By morgan on Nov 18, 2009
Questions?! I was just barely getting a hang of the whole Being Someone Who Comments and now you’re changing it to Being Someone Who Questions! Ugh.
What did you have for lunch today?
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Oh man, I don’t mean ask ME questions.
I mean that at the end of each of my posts, I normally ask a question so as to make your commenting EASIER.
I cannot come up with a question today.
So instead, come up with your own question related to the post and answer it in the comments. So that I don’t have to.
Also, I had nothing for lunch!
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By Dzargul on Nov 18, 2009
Okay, INTERNETS, here’s your question:
How is it possible that tenuous, barely-formed relationships with hundreds of people whom we can’t verify the sex of(much less pick out of a line-up) can overwhelm us and start to interfere with the connections we have with the flesh/blood people in our lives?
Honestly, we’re smarter than this! How did we let them take control? More importantly, how do we take it back?
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
IMPOSSIBLE!
Internet surfs YOU!
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By Dulcea on Nov 18, 2009
*boggles* People say mean things to you?
Wait who am I kidding? People seem to forget there’s a real person at the other side of the screen. If they don’t have to see your face, Mama’s rules of politeness they were raised with obviously don’t exist.
Computer keyboards need built in finger shocks. If you’re online and being mean, you get zapped.
*just offers internet hugs and nummy San Francisco sourdough bread* >.> Since that’s what I’m getting for lunch too. *hurries off*
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Haha, yes. People say mean things to, about, around me… it’s the Internet, you know?
I mean, no big overall but every once in a while it’s just like… seriously? Come on. Seriously?!?
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By Jennifer7575 on Nov 18, 2009
As I’ve said via Twitter, I am not a person who comments.
However.
*hug*
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Cooties!
But thanks!
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By Alex on Nov 18, 2009
My question takes off of the “internet is a good place” part of this post. Because I am that person (the optimist who most times will focus on the good).
Question: What internet person do you most want to reach into the computer and hug?
Answer: TJ. Though for whatever reason I can’t see you responding too well to a bunch of strangers popping out and hugging you (and there I go with the “I think I know you but I don’t” comment).
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Even my MOM knows better than to try to hug me! Heh.
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By Shelly on Nov 18, 2009
The dog story….shocked me. I used to read her. Not that I want to start a discussion about that. Just that I was shocked.
Anyhow. How about a total change of subject? I’m loving the People Who Comment thing. I am making it a point to comment on almost every blog I read now.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Hooray! I’m happy that you’re enjoying the project. Have you noticed any positive benefits to your new commenting habits?
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Shelly Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Yes! People reply via email or in their comments sections.
However, reading and commenting on blogs takes longer, so this might not be all win. At least not for my employers. (j/k)
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By Jen_Ann_W on Nov 18, 2009
No, as a matter of fact I’m not wearing pants at all. Does that answer your question?
Wait! Come back! I’m wearing a skirt I swear!
Although I *didn’t* take the time to shave my legs…
(You realize you may come to regret the “insert your own question here” idea, right?)
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I am starting to realize that I am maybe getting way more information that I may have anticipated. Also? I am wearing cropped pajama pants and totally displaying 6″ of unshaven leg.
*RazorRebellionFistBump*
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By Capn John on Nov 18, 2009
To answer your question, it was two nights ago in the kitchen. We used Hershey’s chocolate and these big puffy chocolate-flavored marshmallows and it was gooooood. Oh yeah, so good.
We heated the chocolate and marshmallows up in the microwave but you have to do it a few seconds at a time because hot chocolate and marshmallows can cause nasty burns if you’re not careful, especially when they stick to your lips. I guess that’s why you use Graham Crackers, so you don’t get molten marshmallow and chocolate everywhere.
Yes, Graham Crackers. We made Smores, for dessert. What question did you think I was answering?
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By Maria on Nov 18, 2009
I got mad at the Internet and fired it yesterday.
Then Anissa got sick and everyone is circling the wagons and oh, oh oh. Internet.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Days like today always make me simultaneously impressed and stressed. One, because it’s obviously impressive when everyone comes together nicely for a single cause. Stressed because I am afraid that I look like the world’s biggest asshole, tweeting and writing about unrelated things, because, like in today’s situation, I didn’t know Anissa at all, not even slightly, and while I am outsiderly-concerned, I don’t want to intrude on anyone’s grief by throwing in my own words which would ring false even to me.
Not that I’m NOT concerned. Everyone else’s concern makes me self-conscious about my own LEVEL of concern.
I’m making myself sound like a total asshole. I hope my general “drift” is getting across.
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Maria Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
That makes total sense, dude.
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Angie Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Agreed! Not only does it make total sense but it demonstrates both self-awareness (a commodity often in short supply) & real empathy.
By Swistle on Nov 18, 2009
Here is the question: What do you CALL This when it happens to you?
Answer: Blogsickness.
Here is the second question: What do you DO about it?
I go into a different room from my computer and I watch a movie or read a book, and I have a chocolate shake, and I don’t do anything computer related for awhile, or only the bare minimum and then I got back to the book/movie.
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Swistle Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
GO back to the book/movie. GO back, I mean.
Also, I don’t know about the dog thing, and probably I don’t want to know. I was not a happier person overall when I went from “someone who did not know about the TSA thing” to “someone who knew about the TSA thing.”
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Blogsickness is perfect. It encompasses so many different symptoms. Writer’s block, frustration, ennui… I feel like I need to take a respite to the Blogger’s Retirement Resort or the Blogging Revitalization Ranch. Something. Someone invent that. Seriously.
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By Bellwether on Nov 18, 2009
What do you do when the internet is so bad and people are so horrible it makes you sick?
I log onto my Death Knight and beat things with a pointy stick. I shut off the internet and watch a kid’s movie, like Kung Fu Panda, or a musical like Hairspray. I draw. I write huge multi-page insulting, inflamed, terrible rants and then delete them. I play with my dog. I bake. I complain to my boyfriend who tells me very bluntly just how stupid the morons who upset me are.
What’s your favorite color?
Rainbow. NO ONE TELL ME IT’S NOT A COLOR BECAUSE IT IS.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I think you’re right. I think a little bit of WoW on a lowbie alt, where I don’t know anyone, and with general chat turned off, is exactly what I need right now.
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By JdJdJd on Nov 18, 2009
Firstly..it is totally not fair to mention posts or blogs with lies or a “dog story” without at least giving me some clue as to where it it or how to find it. My curiousity is killing me here.
Now the question:
Who is your favorite blogger? I can’t narrow it down to only one, but Temerity Jane is definitely in the top 3.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Oooh, I would think long and hard if you really want to see such things, and if you really really do (warning: the dog thing made me cry, I’m totally admitting it), email me.
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By Delicia on Nov 18, 2009
My question is: why do we put ourselves through this? To elaborate: is the heartache of lies, betrayal, insults, hypocracy and bad writing worth it?
For myself, one way I use the Internet is to connect to other people. Friends, family, bloggers who feel like friends though we’ve never met and they probably don’t even know who I am. I slog through all the crap, ignore what I can or try to make sense of that which I cannot.
I feel like a very jaded, world-weary old person. I approach most of what I encounter on the Internet with extremely low expectations. This makes it so that I can enjoy the happy surprises one can find in a GOOD writer, a funny story, a happy news story; and yet when it turns out the boy in the balloon was a complete hoax I kind of expected it and am therefore not really suprised or let down.
Of course, as time goes on and you find something good online, expectations tend to rise for that specific thing.
I’ve met people I never would have otherwise. I’ve made friends and yes, lost friends, but been the wiser from it. Every day I find something on the Internet that makes me laugh.
So I guess for me, all of the benefits I get from the Internet do outweigh the negative you have to wade through to get them.
-Del
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I know that, in theory, I should feel that way. That the good definitely outweighs the bad. However, most of the time, I feel like the reality is that they’re pretty even. Take the good, take the bad, facts of life, etc, you know?
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Emma Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
You take them both and there you have, the facts of life, the facts of life!
When the world never seems, to be living up to your dreams….
Ok, that’s all I know. I sang it out loud while I was typing it and my dogs are now both looking at me with the cocked-head-you’re-a-crazy-person look.
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By Iain on Nov 18, 2009
In answer to your question, Stargate definately beats Battlestar Galactica. I mean, sure BSG had new things in it and you couldn’t beat the firefly-esque CGI, but SG had a much better progression of story. And SGU is turning out to be quite interesting, but it doesn’t beat SG Atlantis.
Oh, and to answer the other question: Nothing beats Firefly.
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TJ Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I am going to guess that the question you asked yourself doesn’t actually have anything to do with what I posted. Therefore, I am going to assume you don’t care about me and what I have to say, and run away sobbing, because everyone knows what a fragile, fragile person I am.
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Iain Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Wait, no! I… I wanted to draw away from the seriousness of the conversation and so I thought of… uh… I did read it.
Frak.
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Phil Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
The definitive list of nerdy awesomeness:
1. Futurama
2. Star Trek TNG
3. Stargate SG-1
4. Doctor Who
5. Firefly
6. Buffy the vampire slayer
7. Angel
8. Charmed
9. MST3K
10. Farscape
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Emma Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Wait, where are the Gilmore Girls?
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Phil Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
That’s not a nerdy show, but a drama. I will have that list when appropriate. :)
Dammerung Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Is that in order? Because I’d go:
3. Futurama
5. Star Trek TNG
4. Stargate SG-1
2. Doctor Who
1. Firefly
8. Buffy the vampire slayer
7. Angel
(not on my list). Charmed
9. MST3K
10. Farscape
6. Naruto
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Iain Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Nothing beats Firefly.
Good day, sir. XD
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Dzargul Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I move MST3K to the top of the list because nothing says ‘Yes, I was posting in a bulletin board and watching TV at 1:00 AM during my college days.’ like knowing where ‘Pull up, Tinkerbell! PULL! UP!’ comes from.
Iain Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I’ve never seen MST3K. I had to google it to even know what it was. We never got it New Zealand, I think. QAnd if Dr Who is part of the equation then that beats BSG AND SG1.
[I'm hopeless with netiquette. Is it okay that I'm having a conversation with you on TJ's blog. (although type that and the answer seems obvious)]
Jdjdjd Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Where is Babylon 5 in this list? It should be close to the top IMO. And Farscape is waaaaay too far down. Oh, and Andromeda is missing too. Geez!
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By Delicia on Nov 18, 2009
OMG Iain you insensitive nerdling!! Besides.. everyone knows Babylon 5 is better than Firefly..
hehe nerdling… of course, amongst my friends that’s a compliment…
-Del
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Iain Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Usually I like to detract from the seriousness of situations… dunno why.
But now I’ve detracted not from the seriousness of the situation but from the point of TJ’s post, which is bad.
…AND made it all about me with this reply. This is why I shouldn’t reply to blogs without some forethought.
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Mikey Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 11:20 am
No situation or post can be bad on any forum if it talks about Futurama and Firefly.
Even during the mid-east peace talks i expect to hear Zoidberg mentioned at least once.
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By Lara on Nov 18, 2009
Your response to Maria is how I feel about today’s *activities* as well. And also, I believe the only people who are assholes in this situation are those who chose to exploit the situation and/or make it all about them (coughmybottlesupcough). As you know.
Loved this post and the comments. I especially like those with advice about how to get away when it overwhelms, as it did to me last week when my brother’s fiance got her sister to write a mean-spirited comment on my site. Fake name? Check. Fake email? Check check. I sleuthed it out, called them on it and a family war has erupted. Egad.
I dealt with it by hiding from the internet – getting the flu didn’t hurt with that. Anyways! Hahaha, NOT TRYING TO MAKE THIS ABOUT ME. Ahem.
My question would be, what would you guys do if you knew* a blogger who was faced with a catastrophic event? Would you show your support with tweets and re-tweets? Get a twibbon? Write posts about them? I’m not criticizing anyone’s reactions to previous events, just curious and posting a question, as directed!
My answer: I think that I would likely post a tweet like “I have so&so in my thoughts.” If the situation was resolved in a good way, I’d probably also say “So glad for the good news about so&so”. If the worst happened and we actually lost someone, I think I’d say “I am really going to miss so&so, my thoughts are with her family”. I don’t think I would RT every status update etc., assuming that others would do it anyways and (to be honest) not knowing how her family may react to the information flowing through channels they may not (a) know about or (b) support.
Again, not criticizing anyone’s actions, I really think it depends on the nature of the relationship and the nature of the people involved themselves. As long as it is done from a good place, there’s no right or wrong way to deal with these things.
Anyone else?
*I don’t necessarily mean someone you know in person, but someone you have interacted with – read for a long time, commented on, tweeted with, etc., online.
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Bellwether Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I can’t bring myself to tweet or comment about it. It seems like such an informal platform for it. I tend to send a private message detailing my feelings, and leave it at that.
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Awlbiste Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
If it was someone I casually interact with on twitter I would probably tweet something like “Hope soandso is doing well.”
If I knew them and their significant other slightly beyond twitter, I might send them a text or something saying I wished them well.
Otherwise I would not say anything. I know who Anissa is but I have never interacted with her in any way and so it would feel super fake for me to say anything.
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Iain Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 3:20 am
It’s all about levels of familiarity, you know?
If I didn’t think I knew them at all then I’d feel conflicted about speaking up because one half of my mind would be all like “Oh yeah, great, some random person who may not have even realised that they had a (insert person with tie here) is giving me what amounts to nothing more than an empty platitude.” and the other half would be all “Whomever the person is, they’ll be glad to know that someone cares for them in whatever small way.”
And it’s hard to know which way to go because people are so different. What would be ‘caring’ for one person might be ‘yeah thanks for reminding me, jerk-i-don’t-even-know’ for another.
But the more I communicate with someone the more I know which is better. There are some of my closest friends who hate sympathy. There are others who would want nothing more than a giant (clothed) group hug. Many of my friends like that I revert to humour or off-topic situations but others prefer to keep things serious. Eventually it’s all down to who that person is.
That’s why the first few months of replying to a new blog are always the hardest, because you’re trying to find your footing…
Humans may not be as unique and individualistic as we each claim, but we’re damn varied nonetheless.
So yeah… that’s a big way of saying “it depends”.
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Swistle Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 7:12 am
I’m not sure. I tried to imagine something awful happening to one of my favorite bloggers, and I know it would be on my mind A LOT, and I think we bloggers are accustomed to turning “what’s on our mind” into Twitters and posts, so that’s where I imagine my impulses would go. BUT—I think what I’d like would be if someone set up a place where I and everyone else concerned about that person could go to post notes etc., that was SEPARATE, so I’d only be talking to other people who were discussing the same subject. To an outsider, it really does look weird to have it all over the place.
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Shin Ae Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I didn’t know of the person who inspired these questions until the event happened. Still, when I found out, I was sad and reading the updates definitely make me emotional. I tend to put myself in the place of others, so news like that is pretty much never met with a “Huh. Oh well.” from me. Now, I am looking for updates. I feel attached. That’s what the Internets will do, I guess.
I am a pretty private person and don’t usually share information about others in general, even if it is not sensitive information. I grew up learning the hard way that even if it doesn’t *seem* sensitive, it could be, in fact, sensitive due to factors I know nothing about. I would probably not choose to spread information in that way unless it was about someone in my very immediate family or a friend I was very comfortable with. At that point, I would feel like I had a good handle on what could be shared/should be left private. That’s just a personality thing, I think, though. I do feel that if a situation like this particular blogger’s was happening to me, I would want all the prayers I could get and would feel loved if the Interwebs were afire with good feelings going out toward me and my family. That, despite the fact that I can’t bring myself to tweet and re-tweet about the situation myself. Also, since said blogger’s husband is updating for all I think he is probably okay with it?
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By Dammerung on Nov 18, 2009
Why are trees awesome?
Because they kill things with healing.
Why do some babies have purple lips?
Because they have something called thrush or something like that and they get fed this nasty purple medicine that stains EVERYTHING and makes it look like they swallowed a purple permanant marker.
Why is NCIS so very very awesome? Because of Abbey and Gibbs.
Why is it better in the desert? No wet icky stuff falling from the sky all the time.
What is Dammerung doing right now? Supposedly washing dishes and doing his PT. Hahahahahha.
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By Bernie on Nov 19, 2009
I hear your pain. Get out the old non smart phone and take a road trip. You are actually over internetted. Sort of like being over medicated, except not as nauseating.
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By MiddleAged&Crazy on Nov 19, 2009
The scrambled egg theory I came up with some time ago after dealing with teenagers day in and day out as part of my job. The reason I had to come up with this theory is because I too had to try and find the light in all the blackness.
Simply here it is, the world is full of scrambled eggs, some can not help it they are a product of the darkness that has consumed our society, however there are a few of these eggs that are trying to unscramble themselves. Those are the ones that you pour everything you have into to make sure they survive because they are our hope and future.
This is what I have to tell myself everyday when I stare in to the abyss and it keeps me going.
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By Phaedra on Nov 19, 2009
When I get down at the world (I tend to avoid watching the news and most commercials because I will and do cry), I have a few places on the internet that are so special and safe that I start to feel better:
The cakewrecks blog – all poorly made commercially available cakes
cute-n-tiny blog – as it says. cute pictures of mostly tiny baby animals.
I also have to remind myself that while the news LOVES to report bad stuff, good stuff is rarely, if ever reported. I don’t know the dog story, but I do feel proud that my parents and myself get our dogs from boxer rescue. We take in boxers that nobody wants for whatever reason. Along these lines, I have a friend who’s training a service dog and in-laws who have fostered a ton of strays they literally found on the street.
I also try to be the change I want to see in the world. Even in WoW, I try to be a friendly, helpful, and kind person. I try to post helpful comments or defend those who need defending from trolls.
And I keep the internet f***-wad theory in mind at all times.
Plus, you’re from NEPA, which makes you bonus cool in my book (okay, so maybe you’re weird in the same way I’m weird and I think that’s cool, especially when my husband shakes his head at my “NEPA” customs).
And question for the internet: Joel or Mike? (Joel!)
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