Just Say No to Surprise Gap
November 16th, 2009 | by TJ |Internet, when I am trying to make sense of the world, or tell you one of my many theories on life, I often start off by saying, “There are two types of people in the world.” Either you are like me in some particular way, or you aren’t. One of those things is correct, and one of them is utterly incomprehensible.
Today, we are talking about surprises. There are two kinds of people in the world – the kind who announce surprises in advance, and the kind who do things correctly.
I am going to go so far as to say I would like to see a law enacted on this topic, that is how strongly I feel about it.
As you may have guessed, I live in a house divided on this issue.
Phil, you see, enjoys calling, texting or emailing me to say “I got you a present,” or “I have a surprise for you.”
Now, as someone who knows the correct procedure for such situations, I say, “What is it?,” fully expecting to be told.
Because if you ANNOUNCE that you have a surprise, you need to be prepared to tell me what it is immediately.
Otherwise, why would you even SAY that you have a surprise? Why would you say that you have something for me and not tell me what it is? If you intend to give it to me, announce its existence as you hand it to me! Why would you tell me it exists hours before I actually get to find out what it is? Have we met? Have you mistaken me for someone with patience?
There are the people, like Phil, who announce that they know a secret, have a surprise, got you a present or any other similar thing, knowing full well that they have NO INTENTION of revealing what they know until some point later in time.
Then there are the people, like me, who understand how to handle surprises and presents correctly. You don’t say that you have a secret, surprise, or present until you are ready to reveal it.
Or, alternatively, you can announce that you have a surprise or present coming at a later date, and then immediately blurt out what it is, thus removing the “surprise” element from the situation. That… is pretty much the way I usually end up doing things.
I don’t understand you people, you others, who insist on a gap between the announcement that you have some item or information and the actual handing over or telling of some item or information.
What you are creating, really, when you do such a thing, is the Surprise Gap. The Surprise Gap occurs when one person reveals that they have or know something, and indicates a period of time when what they have or know will be revealed to all. The time in between the announcing and the designated time is the Surprise Gap.
Is there anyone in this world that ENJOYS living within the Surprise Gap?
I am willing to allow that there are such people, people who revel in the Surprise Gap, because I am not completely closed minded.
However, those people are wrong.
Internet, I am calling for the elimination of the Surprise Gap.
This is my proposal:
Surprise Gaps are not to exceed a unit of time bigger than what could be called a “moment,” to allow for the actual handing over of the surprise, or, in the case of information and secrets, time enough to allow the teller a dramatic pause for effect.
Any Surprise Gaps exceeding the allowed length of time will be punished with a continual and unending “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.,” until the creator of the Surprise Gap cracks and gives in.
Internet, do your part – Just Say No to Surprise Gap.
By Kestrel on Nov 16, 2009
/signed
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By Adlib on Nov 16, 2009
I wholeheartedly agree! If my husband does that to me, I spend the Surprise Gap wondering what it is, guessing, and when I finally get it, I’ve usually over-guessed which is kind of a bummer. So I agree that there should be no gap because it’s just best for everyone involved.
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TJ Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I JUST HATE WAITING SO MUCH!
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By Awlbiste on Nov 16, 2009
If you must tell me that you have a surprise you are required to immediately follow up on that statement by telling me what the surprise is.
However I will admit that occasionally I get a really awesome idea and blurt out the fact that I have an awesome idea but don’t actually want to tell anyone what the idea IS.
I am really bad at secrets and hate people keeping secrets from me.
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TJ Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I have a really really really awesome idea for something right now and I can’t tell anyone about it because I don’t want anyone else to use my idea before I get a chance to and it is SO BRILLIANT it is KILLING ME.
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Awlbiste Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Mostly I meant ideas for presents. I don’t actually have any brilliant ideas for people to steal. If someone got into my head looking for ideas to steal mostly they’d find out carefully laid sleeping plans.
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By Diane on Nov 16, 2009
Yes! A Suprise Gap is a classic Oversell. I will ALWAYS be disappointed when it comes time for the big reveal.
Mostly I just hate surprises, though. ESPECIALLY surprise parties.
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TJ Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
See, I don’t usually have a problem with disappointment (I pretty much always hope for a pony, so I’m used to being disappointed). I just can’t stand WAITING.
And my entire family knows that surprise parties are never, ever, EVER allowed.
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By Shelly on Nov 16, 2009
I totally agree. Announcing a surprise also takes the surprise element out of it, so why did you bother surprising me in the first place?
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By Matt on Nov 16, 2009
Illicit elicit
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By Tchann on Nov 16, 2009
I’m a current victim of a surprise gap. Like, horribly so.
At the beginning of September, I was accidentally made aware that a surprise was being planned for my birthday in October. I had to actively suppress the endless wondering of what it could be, why was it a big deal, WHYISITNOTINMYHANDSNOWZOMG.
My birthday came and was celebrated a few days early, much to my glee. I found out that my friends had ordered me the BJD I wanted! …and it wasn’t here yet.
45 days later? IT STILL ISN’T HERE YET. ;_;
It’s torture, I swear. Outright torture.
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By Alex on Nov 16, 2009
I’m going to go out on a limb here and agree with Phil. I’m all about the Surprise Gap. It’s awesome. It gives me a feeling of ABSOLUTE POWER to be like, “I bought you a present today! But you have to wait until I get home to find out what it is!” Usually his first response is: “Is it eatable?”
I find it all very exciting.
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By Jeremy on Nov 16, 2009
I am horrible at keeping presents or other such surprises secret. My wife generally gets her Christmas present three or four weeks early because I CANNOT STAND THE ANTICIPATION.
Seriously, it drives me insane. However, this does make my wife happy as I have to buy her another present or two the day before Christmas so that she will have something under the tree. Double presents is a win.
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By Kelly on Nov 16, 2009
I’m with you on this one… and Mr. Aerten is totally in the same camp as Phil. I feel your pain, TJ.
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By Ylee on Nov 16, 2009
I’m like Phil and my wife is like you and hates surprises. It does make for an interesting household. At least I get all my presents early cause she can’t keep it a secret!
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By GHOSTKID on Nov 16, 2009
If the giver insists on allowing the Surprise Gap to exist, maybe the giver should say, “I have an anticipation for you.”
Whatcha think?
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By Dzargul on Nov 16, 2009
I am a HUGE fan of the Surprise Gap. I use it as retaliation for a tactic known as Gift Inversion, which is something practiced by every female I have ever known in my life and something no male could EVER get away with.
Gift Inversion: “Honey, today I got you a present but, after thinking about it, I like it so much I’m keeping it for myself.”
If you’re keeping it WHY did you announce that it was intended for me? Why not just say, ‘I bought something for myself’? WHY?
That’s when I launch my retaliatory attack.
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By Iain on Nov 16, 2009
I’m gonna have to vote for Pro-Gap, sorry.
My partner and I Gap and it’s fun having the anticipation nearly overwhelm us.
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By Lara on Nov 16, 2009
Totally Anti-Gap.
The “surprise” should be the present and the fact that it is unexpected. Expected – no surprise. Would you tell someone you were throwing them a “Surprise Party” but not give the date? No, it goes against everything we know about surprise parties, and the same rules should apply to surprise presents, am I right?
Like you, I cannot pull off a surprise to save my life. If I buy something for someone in August that I intend to give them as a Christmas present, I announce the second I see them “OMG I have something for you, here it is, here it is RIGHT NOW!”
I have learned that this makes me buy double presents, which I cannot afford, so I have to do my shopping at practically the last minute.
Anyways, I am here to search out People Who Comment duties, as I was sick and I have a feeling I’m behind on my assignment, oh dear.
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By Swistle on Nov 16, 2009
I hereby affix my seal.
Because the Surprise Gap SUCKS. All it does is allow for FALSE EXPECTATIONS to build up.
I particularly hate it when someone does it on a blog: “I’m going to have some EXCITING NEWS but you’ll HAVE TO WAIT!!!” What a talk tease.
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By Shin Ae on Nov 16, 2009
Agreed. Yes, with the FALSE EXPECTATIONS.
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By Phaedra on Nov 17, 2009
I’m the total opposite. I LOVE the surprise gap! LOVE IT!! How much do I love it? I love that my birthday is in February and have gotten presents in June. Seriously – that’s like having 4 months of birthday!
However, my love of the surprise gap drives my husband crazy, because I totally tell him about surprises that ultimately don’t live up to the hype I have generated.
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By Jason Doege on Nov 17, 2009
You know what your problem is? (I know how you love that.) You appear to be under the impression that the Surpriser thinks the Surprise Gap is meant to be for the benefit of the Surprisee. Really it is that Surprisers take supreme pleasure out of seeing Surprisees squirm for the duration of the Surprise Gap. We supporters of the Surprise Gap are all sadists. Yes we are. Given this bit of knowledge, you should be eternally grateful that we ever terminate the Gap at all.
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By -R- on Nov 17, 2009
I like the surprise gap. I like the anticipation!
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By morgan on Nov 17, 2009
I am a surprise gapper … I figure it builds up the excitement for the actual surprise and makes it much, much better for the person who’s receiving it!
Plus, it’s fun torturing people like you ;)
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By Liz on Nov 17, 2009
My husband is the surprise announcer w/o any follow-ups. It drives me crazy, especially he takes a delight not telling me after the announcement.
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Capn John Reply:
November 17th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
But it’s a surprise! If I told you what it was, it wouldn’t BE a surprise!
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By Vronak on Nov 17, 2009
savoring the anticipation, just like when you KNOW the monster/fiend/Phil is going to jump out behind someone in the movie/show/kitchen.
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By HokieJayBee on Nov 17, 2009
ummm. would it be wrong to admit to using the surprise gap as a research tool?
[insert one hokiejaybee with NO IDEA what to get mrs. hokiejaybee for Christmas]
“ooooooh, honey, i picked up your Christmas gift today! it’s a biiiiiiggggg suuuurrrrrpppprrriiiiisseeee! you have no idea what it is…..”
“ooh ooh, is it the new sirius satellite radio receiver for my car because mine is old and i lost my remote and the screen is blurry and only shows half the pixels in the sunlight and i hate it because i lost the remote and have to change the station manually by reaching across the console and turning the knob at stoplights and i have to hurry and hope the light doesn’t change and sometimes i get stuck on a stupid station because i had to shift back and put my seatbelt back on and drive again because the light changed and people were behind me waiting and i had to listen to some crap until the next stop because i have no remote and i can’t even see the screen because the pixels suck and then of course i catch all green lights and never get to stop again to change the station and have to drive all the way home listening to some crap and then i get home and since i’m home i of course get out and forget to change the station so the next time i drive away from home of course it’s still on that crap station and i hate it! is it? is it? is it a new sirius receiver for my car??!?!?!??!?!”
[thank you research tool]
“maaaayyyyyyyyyyyyybbbbbbbeeeeeee”
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By Julie on Nov 17, 2009
I’m pro-Surprise Gap, from either side of the surprise. I love anticipation. Care must be taken however not to oversell the Surprise, or then you get the “Oh… thank you honey… it’s …nice…” When, had it been gap-free, it would have been a lovely little surprise.
Sometimes surprises can be relaxing too. I would like nothing better for my birthday, than for my husband to completely organise it. I don’t care if it’s just dinner + movie, but I don’t want to have to think about where we’re eating, what we’re seeing. I’d be happy if he even pre-ordered the food, so we turned up at the restaurant and the meals just came out. It’s so decadently luxurious to be able to just turn off your brain for a night and be spoiled rotten.
WRT anticipation… we’re planning a big holiday next year to the US (we live in New Zealand) – disneyland/magic mountain + road trip in a motorhome with some of the US side of the family – and I’m so excited. But now I’m wondering if I’m overbuilding how cool it’s going to be and I’ll be disappointed when we get there, but then it’s such a waste not to enjoy the anticipation as much as possible, and it overheats my brain to worry if I should be bouncy happy or play it cool for the 8 months until it happens.
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