Are you a Blocker or a Non-Blocker?
November 10th, 2009 | by TJ |Internet, I can’t speak for all of us, but I can speak for me, and this is my blog, so, you know, that’s how I’m approaching things here, but we’ve been Internetting for, what, a million years now? I’ve been blogging for 10 or 11, so I think about a million years of internetting total is about correct.
I’ve done AOL chat rooms, web-based chat rooms where you had to refresh to see new messages, forums, I remember when everyone used AIM all the time, MMOs, blogging, social networks on Ning, I mean, you know, we’ve tried everything, right, Internet?
So in my travels, I have made a discovery: There are two types of Internet People – Blockers and Non-Blockers.
In the course of your Internet stay, you are, most definitely, going to run across not only people that annoy you, not only people that you don’t like, but actual terrible people.
In most situations – AIM and other messaging services, forums, chat-rooms, social media networks, and even blogs, you can block people from Interacting with you, as well as keeping yourself from having to see their messages.
Some people will block, and some people won’t. This is where you get your Blockers and Non-Blockers, and let me tell you about them.
One of the rallying cries of the Internet is “If you don’t LIKE it, don’t READ it,” said mostly to trolls and anyone else who doesn’t agree with you. Personally, I think there’s a certain deep-seated bitch gene involved when someone continually messages, comments, or visits someone they proclaim not to like at all. I think there’s also a certain arrogance involved, to think that your chosen pet hate needs to be made aware on all occasions how much you dislike them. Like it matters.
That is the type of person we all wish would be a Blocker. If you don’t like something, block it, you won’t see it, you never have to think about it, you don’t have to waste so much effort letting the entire world know that you dislike something, and therefore do not need to have the eventual crushing moment when a mirror is held up to your behavior and you realize what a ridiculous caricature of a person you have become.
But those people are never Blockers. That is one of your two standard issue Non-Blockers, the I Honestly Don’t Realize How Ridiculous I am Non-Blocker. AKA, your typical Internet power-tripping bitch. A simple bully.
The other type of Non-Blocker is the Rubbernecking Non-Blocker. Not usually aggressive in approaching their subjects, the rubbernecking variety of Non-Blocker can simply not stop themselves from reading negative things about themselves or others. Also sometimes known as the Self-Punishment Non-Blocker or Schadenfreude Non-Blocker. I am pretty sure we all have at least a little bit of each of those within us, though this kind of Non-Blocker operates in deep secret and would never admit it, unlike the bitches described above, who are actually often twistedly proud of their behavior.
So, then, what is a Blocker? A Blocker is what I try to be. A Blocker is someone who is able to recognize antagonizing behavior and simply remove it from view. A Blocker is someone who is able to admit when something gets under the skin, and simply stop looking at it, without explanation or fanfare. A Blocker is someone who rises above internet trolling, bullying and flat out annoying without announcement or need for back patting. A Blocker hits the block button and doesn’t look back, doesn’t give in to temptation and peek, and is honest with himself about what he can and cannot tolerate seeing and participating in.
Over the last couple of months, I have been striving to be more of a Blocker in some cases. I admit that I am always going to fall a bit into the Self-Punishment and Schadenfreude Non-Blocker categories. Always. But I’ve been making an effort to make a better use of my block button, my comment moderation button, and, in some cases, just stop interacting with things that I do not feel equipped to politely tolerate. Also, when you think about it, you and I, Internet, are very much above some of the ugly behaviors out there and should not lower ourselves to give it our attention. Because that is how you get arthritis.
So how about you, Internet?
Are you Blockers or Non-Blockers? Are you a Self-Punishment Non-Blocker or a Schadenfreude Non-Blocker? Do you have different behavior in different places? Like, do you easily put someone on ignore on AIM or in WoW, but feel like you have to tolerate negativity or anything else in forums or on your blog? Have you ever claimed to have blocked someone or not read something, but do it in secret, anyway? You can admit it, I won’t tell anyone.
By Chibi Jeebs on Nov 10, 2009
Hmm… I’m a multiple-personality blocker. Heh. On message boards, I’m a self-punishment non-blocker, simply because I’m nosy and don’t want to miss anything. On things like MSN Messenger, I will most certainly block those time-sucking emotional vampires that pounce the second I sign in every. single. TIME. I sign in – they get unblocked every once in awhile so we can catch up, but when I’ve had enough? BLOCKED. Oh, and I block spammers on Twitter simply because there’s no other way to make them unfollow me.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Oh yeah, I definitely do different things in different places. I used to not block on forums at all because I felt like I’d miss huge chunks of conversation, but I recently realized that those chunks are chunks I do not need to see.
Also? I hate the word “chunks.”
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Chibi Jeebs Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
LMAO @ chunks. Guess that’s better than moist chunks? Okay, sorry. I’m done now. ;)
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By Kestrel on Nov 10, 2009
Definitely a blocker. For years, I was a forum moderator, then manager, at IGN’s Vault Network. Think WoW Official Forums, but with a bit more moderation; just as much (or more) vitriol though.
Finally got to the point where I really couldn’t take all the negativity, and I quit. And it was a paying gig!
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
But what about other places? Twitter, AIM, blogs, other forums – are you always such a ruthless blocker?
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Kestrel Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
“Ruthless”? Not sure I’m ruthless…and I don’t “actively” block, generally. (Well, Twitter is different: I use Topify, and if I get a follower who is strictly there for spam or commercial purposes, yep, they get blocked or reported (which blocks as well).)
For the most part, I either stop reading a blog I don’t enjoy (Gevlon’s comes to mind), or simply don’t read the content (e.g., wow.com comments, on the rare occasions I even read an article there).
But I don’t actually click a name and then block it. Usually.
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By Tami on Nov 10, 2009
I try to be a blocker. I’m a worrier and I get myself all out of sorts when it comes to drama. I’ve found that 99% of the drama has no effect/purpose or isn’t my business anyway.
I block when I can. Sometimes the drama is related to me and it follows me. That’s harder to block because I feel actual guilt related to it.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Especially when it’s me-related, it’s hard just not to peek. Like someone recently wrote a pretty rude blog post about me, and while I rolled my eyes at it, I seriously had 3 or 4 straight days when I continually read it and watched for comments. I believe that would be the self-punishment non-blocking rearing up.
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Tami Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
*nod* That stuff’s really hard, and it’s toxic. I went through that with Ego with an accidentally incendiary blog post. It was SO HARD to stop going through all those trackbacks and reading the horrible things people were saying, and that was easily one of the worst blog-related periods of my life. That was one of the first times I had to practice being a Blocker.
I made sure I’d been clear to my friends, and stopped checking email on that blog post.
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By jen on Nov 10, 2009
I am a blocker for sure. I came across a very, very nasty inappropriate @reply on Twitter the other day and promptly blocked that asshat. Although the encounter did bother me the remainder of the day until I vented about it to my husband.
I also try to occassionally go through my reader and unsubscribe from blogs that I find myself groaning when a new post comes up. Why keep reading something if it is going to make me unhappy? Not doing it anymore.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Oooh, yeah, the blogs thing! I did the unsubscribing thing a while back – there were so many I was reading out of some sense of obligation or something, that I just didn’t enjoy and knew I’d never comment on. I don’t know why I stuck with so many of them for so long!
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By Kelly on Nov 10, 2009
I’m a blocker. Sometimes I’m a little slow to block the uber-negative emotional vampires because I optimistically think they’ll get over their uber-negativity. Or because I’m related to them and I would never hear the end of it.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I am trying to be more tough on blocking/not speaking to people like that. I have trouble with it, though, because admitting to myself that I just don’t LIKE someone makes me feel like a terrible person.
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Kelly Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
I TOTALLY understand. But when I turned 50, I realized I have no obligation to like everyone. I just wish I’d had that realization when I was in my 20s.
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Kestrel Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Now isn’t that the truth?? It was probably about the time I turned fifty, maybe a bit before, when I realized I don’t have to put up with all the crap I had been enduring (not necessarily personal stuff)…life’s too damned short, and the older I get, the more that realization hits home.
So all you younger folks, learn from us oldsters: Life IS short, so fill it with fun and good times, and refuse to let the bastards grind you down!
Kelly Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Right on! Except I’m not OLD! LOL “Old” isn’t until 80. Or 90. At least.
By lenebean on Nov 10, 2009
I would say both, depending on how masochistic I feel that day! I have absolutely no qualms blocking people on AIM, gchat, etc., either temporarily because they always bug me and I’m extremely busy or because their generally DBs.
I’ve also done some internet dating in my day, and one is really begging to be abused if s/he refrains from blocking creeps and verbally abusive buttholes. Somehow I’m a target for weirdos, don’t know why, so I tend to establish boundaries to either end the conversation early in the game, or simply block them mid-conversation if their creepiness is particularly egregious. There are lots of great people out there on the interweb, but there are also predatory pricks.
As far as blocking people on blogs, I can’t really add anything to that portion of the conversation because I don’t have a blog, but I believe that I probably would moderate my blog and without any regret.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I admit that I have a few words that a couple of people would use as commenting names blocked from commenting on my blog. In the past, I have gone so far as to edit the .htaccess file so as to keep someone from even VISITING my blog. I’m a terrible blogger. I’m much more ruthless, though, like you, with the AIM, gtalk, etc.
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lenebean Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Also, as far as FB is concerned, there have been a few people that I’ve turned off the news on because either their updates are annoying or, in one case, I have some residual feeling for a person that I have had difficulty getting over and don’t want to hear him and his new girlfriend flirting and crap like that.
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By Swistle on Nov 10, 2009
I’m not sure where on the spectrum I am. I have a strongly avoidant personality, but I am also so NOSY.
If I could block commenters, I would in a NANOSECOND. I have no problem with cutting out every single one. But since I CAN’T block them, I struggle all the time with whether I should delete their comments or respond to them—and how far I should keep responding, if they keep going with it.
I’m getting better at blocking out topics I know I can’t handle: I have a few where I am just NEVER EVER going to be happy if I read a post or the comments on a particular topic, and I’m having pretty good success with OUT OUT GET OUT DANGER GET OUT. But if I get caught in, sometimes…well.
I’ve blocked the Facebook info of people who routinely post status updates that drive me crazy, and I don’t tend to peek.
I’ve unsubscribed from blogs where I find I’m getting mad every time I read them—but I still have a few where I feel OBLIGATED to read, so obviously I’m not 100% on that one.
And if I block someone but can still see REPLIES to what they say, I might get tempted to just go take a quick look out of pure nosiness, and then get sucked in, so that’s not 100% either.
I don’t know what I’d do if there were a post and I KNEW it was about me. I don’t search for them, though, so I’m what I consider appropriately avoidant on that one—although I miss out on seeing good stuff about me, or seeing when people link to me, because I’m too nervous to see where traffic is coming from. A couple of times someone has left a perfectly ordinary comment on one of my posts and then when I click through to see who the commenter is, I find the lead post on their blog is something bad about me. I always read those all the way through and then suffer for it. A couple of other times, someone has emailed me with commiseration at how someone has responded so horribly to my comment on someone else’s blog, and even though I hadn’t given a single thought to going back to seeing if anyone had responded to my comment, and even though I KNOW I shouldn’t go now, I HAVE TO.
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Swistle Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Er, my second paragraph refers to nasty, trollish comments, not to ALL comments.
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Kestrel Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I’m curious why you “can’t” block (some) commenters? You don’t know how, or is it a preference not to do so?
I’m fortunate that I’ve had only a couple of trollish comments on my blog, ever, and I didn’t feel the need to block them. On the other hand, I’ve no qualms whatsoever adding spam IPs to my “blocked” list in my .htaccess file.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Swistle uses Blogger. The whole commenting thing is way different over thar.
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Kestrel Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Ugh. Yeah. Been there, done that. Not a fan. Sorry for the laziness; shoulda clicked or something to figure it out for myself.
Swistle Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I’ve been thinking of switching away from Blogger just for that one feature (commenter blocking). But OH THE HASSLE. I can’t face it.
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Kestrel Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Going to wordpress.com is fairly hassle-free; there is an excellent utility for importing your Blogger content.
The biggest hassle with setting up a self-hosted blog is just getting a domain name and web host set up–and that’s really not much of one. Once again, WordPress has an excellent import facility.
TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I am trying very hard to get a handle on the nosiness thing. I don’t know why I persist in following threads and links and chains that are only going to lead to me seeing things that are going to be upsetting or disappointing.
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By Susan (Trout Towers) on Nov 10, 2009
I haven’t had cause to block anyone on my blog or twitter because I am the internet equivalent of white bread soaked in milk. But I’ve hidden people on facebook (not unfriended, mind you, because I am a pacifist slice of bread). That way fb friends can be assholish in relative privacy.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I use the “hide from news feed” thing ALL the TIME on Facebook. It’s like the mute feature in Brizzly. All the silence with none of the hurt feelings.
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By Carrie on Nov 10, 2009
I’m a self-punisher, a very very bad one. No matter how often I have to deal with that gut-roiling feeling that something bad is going on that involves me, I keep going back again and again and again. I tell myself to stop, and yet the nosiness kicks in and I go back and get sucked right back in. It doesn’t happen very often though, and that’s a blessing.
It’s worst with Facebook. There’s a person on there that I can’t keep from checking in on their status updates and things, just to see if this time there’s something there. It’s unhealthy, and I know it’s unhealthy, but as of yet I can’t seem to stop myself. It just worries at me like a dog with a chew toy, and I can’t let it go.
If anyone has any tips on how to get out of this rut, I’ll take ‘em! XD
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I am trying to be way better about that, especially on forums. I just tell myself there is nothing good left in a thread for me to read once certain people have gotten a hold of it and I just force myself to not look again. It is… not easy.
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By Bernie on Nov 10, 2009
Now you had to go and make me think. I read very few blogs and I think I read ones that I find interesting/entertaining. Yes I think you are funny, not clown funny but funny none the less.
What I’m getting at is I have yet to be offended by a blog I have chosen to follow. I do not read “news” blogs or any kind of political blogs so where exactly do I fit?
I will leave it to her awesomeness to pigeonhole me.
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By Awlbiste on Nov 10, 2009
I block people who are antagonizing but there are some people on Twitter who I have come to absolutely hate and enjoy bitching about them privately to other people. (Other people who also enjoy bitching, not people who don’t want to hear about it).
In general there just aren’t a whole lot of people who I block, cos… don’t like it don’t read it basically describes me. Except in the one or two cases mentioned above.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I am also totally guilty of peeking at the Twitter-obnoxious. And then shrieking to Phil about it.
He totally loves when I do that.
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By Stephanie on Nov 10, 2009
I’m usually a blocker (such as on blogs, twitter and things like that), but God help me, I can’t resist things like an all out, name-calling spam war like the ones that go on in Trade Chat in WoW sometimes. I sit there entranced, watching the back and forth, picking someone to back and feeling all righteously indignant. I can really get into it… I think it’s the immediacy of it. It can be exhilarating, but that’s not healthy at all!
But, that’s not a problem anymore as I’ve dropped WoW again. At least until Cataclysm!
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
That’s totally rubbernecking!
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Stephanie Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Hee hee! I know! It’s awful!
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By Tristina on Nov 10, 2009
I’m definitely a Blocker. There is far too much to do, read, see, explore on the internet and (gasp) away from the internet to be caught up in mindless whatever from people I don’t know and probably will never meet. I’ve found there are plenty of well-spoken and articulate folks out there to make up for the trolls and those people are the ones that garner my attention.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
You are a far better Internet person than I, but I am working on it.
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By Shin Ae on Nov 10, 2009
I love to read drama but absolutely hate to be involved. I only block on Twitter and only when those girls who say “hey guys I’m single again” follow me.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I’m trying to avoid even reading drama, even though I too can’t help but to look. I always end up annoyed or upset or disappointed in someone.
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Shin Ae Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Hey, guess what? As of right now? Blocker. Things happened; blocking became necessary.
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By Shin Ae on Nov 10, 2009
That reminds me I need to go check my Facebook.
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By Dragoncroft on Nov 10, 2009
Absolutely a blocker. Right-click on name and ignore was best thing WoW ever did. If your name even hints you’re a 22 year “cool story bro” kinda guy, you’re ignored. Facebook petting zoos, mafia wars, what color am I? quizzes and other stupid social media tchotchkes..Blocked. Basically if you’re incapable of behaving as if you were standing physically in front of me having a civil discussion, I’m blocking or deleting you using whatever tool I can.
And if you’re not a blocker, aren’t you simply encouraging the behavior?
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By Willow on Nov 10, 2009
Pretty much the only place I am where blocking people is an option for me is on WoW…and I do it with wild abandon! There are just far too many 12-going-on 40 year olds…and vice-versa!
I don’t Twitter, Facebook, or IM and I don’t have a blog. I don’t think I’ve ever been blocked from someone else’s blog, tho I have gotten fairly opinionated at times, and once even got a blogger to change the title of her post through rational disagreement in comments.
I think I would probably be with most other commenters here if I had occasion…I would block, but I would peek.
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By morgan on Nov 10, 2009
Hm, you know, I was originally thinking while reading through the blog/comments that I was a non-blocker (and probably moreso of the bitchy kind, tbh). I don’t blog, twitter, or really even check out facebook that much anymore … most of my internet activity is on forums (WoW, Orioles Hangout, random browser game). And as someone above said, I hate missing “chunks” of conversation even if I know ahead of time what that person is going to say and it just makes me roll my eyes every single time. Can’t help myself.
Then I read this, comment by Carrie: “It’s worst with Facebook. There’s a person on there that I can’t keep from checking in on their status updates and things, just to see if this time there’s something there. It’s unhealthy, and I know it’s unhealthy, but as of yet I can’t seem to stop myself. It just worries at me like a dog with a chew toy, and I can’t let it go.”
There were really only two distinct cases on facebook where I had a situation like that (that it was not particularly healthy for me to be friends with someone/constantly checking up on them) and I pretty much just de-friended them immediately. I never looked back, and I don’t regret doing so at all … I would’ve (and had been) driving myself crazy. I guess that’s a pretty different situation though, where you know the person IRL and have a very close relationship with them as opposed to online forums where you may or may not even be friendly with someone, let alone be friends with them in any sort of capacity.
Not really sure how to categorize myself now.
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morgan Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Err, that should read: “I guess that’s a pretty different situation though, where you know the person IRL and have a very close relationship with them as opposed to online forums where you may or may not even really know someone, let alone be friends with them in any sort of capacity.”
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Carrie Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Yeah, this is a person I know IRL, and never liked, never was friends with, who managed to create some very nasty drama in my life. It’s over, and I know it’s over, but I just can’t seem to stop checking in, just to make sure one more time. The desire to stop hasn’t overcome the impulse to have only one more peek. I’m working on it… sort of. blech.
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By Delicia on Nov 10, 2009
I’m a little bit of both. I tend to be an extreme control freak, so I feel like I have to know what’s going on all the time with everyone. Someone left guild?? WHY?!! So-and-so had a hissy fit over loot?? SPILL!! DETAILS!! Yeah, I’m nosy, and I know it. Doesn’t mean I *do* anything with the info.. I’m an information hoarder. I just like being in the Know. I only block if it’s something that is definately a troll, or I’ve tried to be diplomatic and nice and I’m done dealing with idiocy.
-Del
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By Aunt Becky on Nov 10, 2009
I’m mostly a Blocker but sometimes I’m a rubber-necker because it can be so damn satisfying.
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By Mikey on Nov 10, 2009
I tend to laugh at everything so i don’t block that much. The only people i block are those people who spout “Chuck Norris” jokes. I cant stand them and as Happy Go Lucky as i am i would choke the life out of them if i could.
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By Shane on Nov 10, 2009
I’m a blocker. I don’t have a blog of my own, but I have a facebook. Most recently I was dating a guy who I’ve known forever (he grew up on the street behind me). Long story short the relationship didn’t work out, (he was a needy mess). And when I told him I needed some space he deleted me on facebook. Fine. Kind of hurtful, but fine. We have a few mutual friends, and after that he seemed to make a point to comment on the ones I considered to be MY friends. He’d also follow me around and comment on something after I had commented. It really irritated me so I blocked him…. and the only reason I haven’t unblocked him to snoop is I’m afraid to lose the upper hand, because right now I AM WINNING.
ps – I’m also leaving this comment to be a part of your being people who comment challenge. Love your blog.
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By Bellwether on Nov 11, 2009
Blocker, non-blocker…it depends. On things like AIM I tend not to have to block people because the only people who use it are casual, non-annoying acquaintances or friends/family members. I’ve blocked some people.
I quit going to the WoW forums all together because I couldn’t stand to read what people were saying to each other; I don’t know if that counts as blocking?
I block people on Twitter who spam or are just annoying, but…
Well, I haven’t had a lot of reason to block different people. While playing WoW, I can’t really remember why the people on my extremely short ignore list are on there.
I dunno!
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By ZombiePirateXXX on Nov 11, 2009
Defo a blocker. I use the same principle when asked to “spare some gold” in WoW.
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By Sarah on Nov 11, 2009
Been a blocker since I started using the ‘net in ‘99.
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