Something, but not quite enough something
November 5th, 2009 | by TJ |Sometimes, when I’m out in the world, living my fancy and glamorous life that I can’t tell you about because you’d be way jealous and I consider you my friends, Internet, so I definitely don’t want to do that to you, I come across things that I would like to blog about, but they are not quite enough of an idea to build a post around.
You may be asking yourself, with the ridiculous amount of half-baked, not quite enough to build a sentence around, let alone a post kind of stuff that’s been showing up here, how is it possible that there are things I hold back? Well, Internet, I am an extremely surprising person.
So when one of these things occurs, I need to try to develop it into a fully baked, or at least two-thirds baked idea, because while I like to believe that my blog presents an accurate picture of who I am and what I’m all about, we don’t want anything getting TOO REAL around here and making people uncomfortable, and the truth is, Internet, I’m pretty far from a fully baked person. Another option is to wait around for another series of events to happen which I can somehow coherently, or, at least, the definition of “coherent” we use around these parts, relate into a cohesive blog post.
Or? OR?
I can just smack them all down in one post and call it blog soup, so this has basically been a huge lead in to tell you that I am totally about to give you blog scraps, and don’t even THINK you’re above blog scraps, Internet, because there are people in Africa who don’t even HAVE blogs.
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There are two things that are kind of semi-related that I’ve been thinking about lately, and maybe you can come up with more examples. I think it mostly comes down to marketing people and figuring out exactly what planet they are living on, and if they’re even come to Earth to work every day or just telecommuting, which would totally explain why they seem to have completely lost touch.
Example one: The SciFi channel is now the SyFy channel. Ok, SciFi? Is already an abbreviation. A widely accepted, widely known abbreviation for the genre that YOUR TELEVISION STATION FOCUSES ON. So now you’ve changed it to an incorrectly spelled abbreviation? Are you now showing SyFy programming instead of SciFi programming?
No. You’re not. Do you know why? Because SYFY ISN’T EVEN A THING.
Who told you that would be a good idea? No, no, let’s set aside why you thought it was going to be a good idea. Tell me what it was supposed to accomplish. I don’t get the goal. It’s like when Stephanie Tanner wanted to change her name to Dawn.
But she was a little GIRL, in the FOURTH GRADE. You are a television station, and you’re not even in a grade.
Also, example two? I was watching Fox, because that seems to be where all the good shows are, and promos were on for upcoming shows – So You Think You Can Dance, specifically – and the voice over guy kept referring to it as “Dance.” Do they do that because it’s supposed to catch on? Is Fox trying to tell us that they want us to refer to that show as “Dance?”
Well, you know what, Fox, then you should have named it Dance, because screw you.
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Remember how I talked about how scary it would be to find Michael Stipe in your closet?
And how I said I’d tell my kids that he would get in if they didn’t close their closet door?
I totally wrote (and by wrote, I actually mean “bellowed at the top of my lungs as it entered my head”) a song about it in the car last night.
To the tune of “The One I Love,” by R.E.M., because I’m a WORDsmith, not a musicalnotesmith.
This is why we close our closet doors.
This is why we close them up so tight at night.
Because if you don’t
Michael Stipe will get in
This is why we close our closet doors.
CHORUS
STIIII-IIIII-IIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIPE,
STIIII-IIIII-IIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIPE.
It’s not really a song, exactly.
It’s a LULLABY.
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Skid Row – An awesome sequel to AWESOME.
Awesomeness Redux.
Awesome, all over again.
You’re welcome.
By Doodlebug on Nov 5, 2009
And now you have ruined another R.E.M. song for me, and quite possibly made me phobic about the following:
1. Georgia
2. Vegans
3. Skinny male singers
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By Stop on Nov 5, 2009
The stated goal of changing Sci-Fi to Syfy was to make the channel appeal to people who might be put off by what basically is the ‘nerd stigma’ behind the abbrevation Sci-Fi.
Which is the dumbest damned reason I’ve ever heard, not to mention now it looks like a cutesy nickname for syphilis. “Oh, did you hear George got the syfy? That’ll teach him to pick up $10 hookers, hyuck!”
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By Swistle on Nov 5, 2009
You know what I hate, is McDonald’s desperately trying to pretend other people gave them the nickname MickeyD’s. It reminds me of George on Seinfeld trying to get people to call him TBone.
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By Swistle on Nov 5, 2009
I also hate that my mother in-law calls Walmart “Wally’s World,” when if Walmart has ANY nickname it’s “Hellmart.”
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By Mikey on Nov 5, 2009
The whole SciFi change irritated me to. I have watched it since it’s inception and the change felt like a slap in the face to me. Another thing that makes me want to kick people in the crotch are the people who think it’s cute to abbreviate 3 letter words ” r u k? o i c!” *shudders*
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By E.M on Nov 5, 2009
I thought SyFy meant ‘Shut Your ******* Yap’ but I love the syphilis meaning too. They haven’t changed Sci-fi UK yet but I imagine it will happen soon.
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By Garrett on Nov 5, 2009
the SyFy change wasn’t an attempt to de-nerd SciFi, it was a branding thing:
http://www.syfy.com/faq/index.php?_source=Syfy_Global_Footer
but yes it still sucks and yes it still looks like syphillis
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Katie Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
“As imagination’s greatest enthusiasts, we’re thrilled to leave the beaten trail, experience the world from a new perspective, and begin a new journey.”
Direct quote from the end of the section on the name change. Wow, what a load.
I understand the “brand” thing, but couldn’t they have figured something else out?
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By Three on Nov 5, 2009
I am SOO with you on that Syfy thing. Branding or not, it has got to be one of the worst ideas out there.
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By Alex on Nov 5, 2009
My middle name is Dawn and Stephanie was always my favorite (what was wrong with me?) so that episode was the most awesome thing in the world to me. It’s like we had a connection or something.
PS: I HATE creative spelling.
PPS: Look at me! I’m a commenting machine! Woo!
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By E on Nov 5, 2009
Sometimes it seems as if everything I say, write or think is half-baked, so I don’t quite notice when I get the same thing I’ve been giving while reading blogs. You have never disappointed in the clever things you blog about.
That being said, I freakin’ love your lullabye! Will you PLEASE write like 10 more and make a CD so I can give it to my newborn nephew for Christmas?
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By Willow on Nov 5, 2009
The whole “Syfy” thing has me extremely irritated. Sure, I get why they did it…but the whole thing just reeks of Lol-speak. I think they could have come up with a more intelligent name. If you’ve not seen the movie “Idiocracy” I highly recommend it. I think it may be a preview to the future of our society if this “dumbing down” continues.
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By Shin Ae on Nov 5, 2009
Mmmmm, baking.
I’m hungry.
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By Mel on Nov 5, 2009
Syfy is just creepy. It kind of makes me think of a pedophile, but I’m not sure know why. Or syphilis like Stop said.
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Mel Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Yeah, I think I was trying to say “I’m not sure” and “I don’t know” at the same time. Oops.
Anyone ever do that, accidentally mash two words together? I can still remember being about 8 yrs old and either my sister or I (don’t even remember which of us, I’m old) was trying to say “wuss” and “wimp” and it came out as “wump” and it turned into a huge joke.
Wow, I can’t believe I just shared that lameness. I think this calls for extra brownie points in the People Who Comment challenge!
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By Iain on Nov 5, 2009
I don’t understand the SyFy thing. My only guess is that they fell into the whole “the younger generation are so stupid they’ll get it wrong” trap and were afraid people would call it SkeeFee or SkyFy or something.
THAT, come to think of it, or they’re falling into the whole “shortening words into txt speak versions is cool” trap. eg: Cnt com ovr m8, wtchin syfy.
“I’m all Dawn now”
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By Phaedra on Nov 6, 2009
See, your lullaby wouldn’t work on all children. There are those (my husband, a gay guildie) who would LOVE if Michael Stipe got into their closet. Besides, how scary can a gay Vegan tea-drinking alt-rocker be? It’s not like he’s Morissey (who, while I LOVE him, looks like he could totally kick your ass).
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TJ Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I’m just SAYING that if you open your closet and there he is, it might be initially a little TERRIFYING.
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Peregwyn Reply:
November 7th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
I’m pretty sure anyone lurking in your closet would be creepy, even the stay-puff marshmallow man
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By Becky on Nov 9, 2009
OMG I totally yelled at my poor husband a few weeks (months?) ago when I noticed the new SyFy spelling thing. WTF? It drives me crazy, because there is NO REASON to change it.
ps. Please tell me that you yell at Toby Joe for things he has no control over because they are dumb…I hope I’m not the only one.
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TJ Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Ok, I totally feel like an asshole, but I am not sure who Toby Joe is. But I pretty much yell at Phil whenever I can, mostly because I like to be loud. He knows yelling is how I show my affection.
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