And then my hair went completely gray.

July 13th, 2009 | by TJ |

Hey Internet,

What’s up? Long time no talk. The internet works both ways, you know, guys. Frankly, I’m a little hurt. I mean, you don’t call, you don’t write, you don’t send me flowers any more. I thought to myself, “You know, self, why don’t you just sit back and let the Internet come to you for a couple days?”

And you know what?

IT DIDN’T.

Anyway, I forgive you. It’s no big, really. Please, don’t get up. Let me tell you what’s been going on around here, in generic and informational bullet point format.

  • Work: I’m busy!
  • Arizona: It’s hot!
  • Brinkley: Brinkley was a little sick last week, sort of… I don’t know? It was up and down. Every time we’d start to be genuinely concerned… he was fine. I can tell you, though, he was having fresh cooked rice while I was eating from the drive through, so he didn’t really suffer that much.
  • Phil: I’ve got a couple of new things I like to do to annoy hm. Is that perverse? I mean, that I deliberately look for little things that will drive him nuts? Does everyone do that? I don’t, you know, kick him and then run away*, but for example, two recent tactics: I use the bathroom before him at night and squeeze the toothpaste from the middle and wait for him to notice it. Or I don’t straighten out the blankets when I get in bed and instead pull the sheet and duvet over me upside down, with the sheet on top. Drives him NUTS and it’s HILARIOUS.
  • My sister: I have yet to take revenge.
  • Wedding plans: Oh god, I swore I wouldn’t make this a wedding planning blog but OH MY GOD YOU GUYS OH MY GOD. I need a whole separate set of bullet points.

Secondary set of bullet points:

  • I had to bribe my sister to be the Maid of Awesome.
  • I don’t know what world my mother lives in, but an invitation list of 130 people and expanding is NOT A SMALL WEDDING.
  • EVERYONE has objected to EVERYTHING. My sister had to be bribed to be the Maid of Awesome. My mother doesn’t approve of the fact that I am not asking a childhood friend to be an attendant. My cousin thinks my flower girl of choice will be too old. My sister HATES the idea of a March or April of 2011 wedding. My mother’s answer to me saying anything she doesn’t really care for is “You have plenty of time,” which is code for “You’ll change your mind.” It’s okay, though, because you don’t really have to decide anything until you’re about a year out and that is, in fact, plenty of time.
  • Ok, breathe break.
  • Still breathing.
  • One more.
  • And continuing. So fine, all of this can be sorted out with time, right? So I was telling my mom that my sister HATED the idea of March or April in Pennsylvania and had vocally and continually made her thoughts on the subject known and said “But you think March or April of 2011 is ok, right, Mom?” and she said “Well, aaaaactually…”
  • *this is where I fainted and/or had a stroke, it’s all kind of hazy*
  • “Well, aaaaactually… I think you should get married in 2010.” And here’s the thing, Internet – Phil and I actually do want to get married in 2010, but at the time we came up with the initial idea, it wasn’t possible. However, in between that time and the other day, we came up with a savings plan** and, while it will cut a significant portion out of the budget, we are going to be able to swing a 2010 wedding, and we agreed on a date before he went out for the night.
  • October, in 2010.
  • Every time he called to check in that night, I shrieked incoherently into the phone.
  • There goes my “well, you have plenty of time” buffer.
  • IT’S GONE.
  • However, as of today, I’ve finished asking all of my chosen attendants to participate in my wedding, and they all said yes. Hooray!

Anyway, Internet. That’s what’s been going on with me. I would have told you, you know, if you’d called or something, but this is cool too. Don’t worry.

* There is some debate with regard to the kicking thing, and, Internet, I ask for your judgement. The other day, in the doctor’s office for a follow up on his surgery, Phil did something terrible. I can’t remember what it was, but it must have been just absolutely horrible, because I stood up and tried to kick him on the butt. I was wearing flip flops and don’t do much of anything, aside from shriek, with much force at all, so it is inarguable that Phil would not have been injured if said kick was completed. However, he chose to block my completely harmless kick with his forearm, resulting in a hideous wound in the form of a lumpy bruise to my shin. We are locked in a heated debate as to who is responsible for this wound. He says it is my fault, since I was kicking him. I say its his fault, because my kick would clearly not have harmed anyone, and he is the one who brought harm into the equation.

Phil: YOU kicked ME.
TJ: I did NOT. My kick was incomplete.
Phil: You kicked my arm!
TJ: I did NOT. One, you can’t kick with your shin. Two, you blocked. In WoW, when a warrior blocks, he doesn’t take any damage!
Phil: Well neither does the mob!
TJ: Which only makes my wound ALL THE MORE GRIEVOUS.

** We’re quitting smoking! It’s embarrassing how much money this will save us.

34 Responses to “And then my hair went completely gray.”

  1. By krizzlybear on Jul 14, 2009

    Good for you for cutting back on the packs. Those will save you a LOT of money. My aunt did that all the way up to her wedding, and she was able to afford the reception that she wanted. Of course, she went back to smoking after the kids came, but I guess you don’t really have that to worry about.

    Good luck with the preparations!

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  2. By Lady Jess on Jul 14, 2009

    TJ I gotta agree March wedding in PA…bad bad idea. THREE words. Blizzard of 93. Ok thats two words and a number, but it’s also my anniversary:D

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  3. By Bellwether on Jul 14, 2009

    Your sister was probably afraid she wasn’t awesome enough to be a maid of awesome and used reverse psychology to get something out of it.

    My grandparents are doing the stop smoking thing to save money, too, though it’s made my grandfather so hungry I’m not sure if it won’t cancel out >.>

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  4. By Jheran on Jul 14, 2009

    If a mob doesn’t take damage when blocked, and you have a yucky lumpy bruise, then I would argue that a shield slam was used.

    Those things crit for a ton. Ouch!

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  5. By Bernie on Jul 14, 2009

    It’s not eloping if you give the guest list 5 days to get to Las Vegas.

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  6. By Eric on Jul 14, 2009

    My first time commenting here but a frequent reader. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding. All I can say about the actual planning etc is make sure to do it the way You and Phil want. It’s your day, no one else’s. Do what makes You and Phil happy.

    That’s how my Wife and I did it last year and it was incredible to say the least. Very few people, only a couple of really good friends really, and a nice setting on an ocean beach. Great day.

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  7. By Adlib on Jul 14, 2009

    October is awesome! I got married in October of last year. :) I hope everything settles down, and you’re able to have a fairly smooth time planning! Good luck!

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  8. By Foosa on Jul 14, 2009

    2 words. Disney Wedding. My wife and I did that 6 years ago in December. It was great. Just pick off the menu and they take care of the rest. We had a small wedding. 8 people including the wife and I.

    OBTW you can watch the monorail while the preacher is talking. :)

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  9. By Kayeri on Jul 14, 2009

    October is indeed an awesome month to get married, sharing that month for our upcoming 11th anniversary…

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  10. By Kelmar on Jul 14, 2009

    Hey TJ,

    Hip quit smoking this year. She went to the doctor and got on a medication called… er… Chantix or Chantrix. She actually quit!

    Good luck and congratulations again :)

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  11. By Awlbiste on Jul 14, 2009

    Good luck with the quitting smoking savings plan!

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  12. By TJ on Jul 14, 2009

    @krizzlybear: I’m hoping we’ll be done for good, but you never know.

    @Bernie & @Foosa: Eloping, destination weddings, small gatherings, etc, are all off the table. My family would be very disappointed, and Phil and I would actually like a real wedding. It’s just a bit stressful.

    @Kelmar: Phil’s done Chantix before and it worked (though obviously not permanently, for him), so he’s going through the smoking class on base and getting Chantix again. Unfortunately, I have no medical insurance at the moment, so I will have no such help. I expect that a lot of things will be thrown at heads.

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  13. By TheWicked on Jul 14, 2009

    Quitting smoking to save money for the wedding is a great idea. Quitting smoking while planning the wedding… not such a great idea, no offense. Planning a wedding naturally makes people go insane, especially on a decently tight time frame. There will be violence. People could be killed, especially if both of you quit smoking at once.

    Phil is a paladin! Righteous shield returns damage on block.

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  14. By Kestrel on Jul 14, 2009

    I never, ever tell anyone to stop smoking: If they aren’t smart enough to figure out the costs, both financially and healthwise, I am not going to convince them. HOWEVER…I will congratulate the hell out of any and all who decide to quit on their own. Here’s hoping you figure out (once you kick the habit) you don’t really need that addiction! (Once he finally quit, my dad couldn’t stand to be around smokers. He wasn’t alone.)

    Let me also echo the sentiment above: While your parents and/or Phil’s may think they want a particular kind of wedding for you, what they’re doing is projecting what they wish they had had, and/or trying to create a fairytale for you. Make your OWN fairytale! It’s YOUR wedding, and I’ve seen too many marriages start off on a really bad footing all because the bride and groom didn’t have the wedding they both wanted.

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  15. By Kestrel on Jul 14, 2009

    Jesus…I need to stop sounding like someone’s grandfather. Even though I am.

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  16. By TJ on Jul 14, 2009

    @Kestrel: Oh my family is definitely letting us do whatever we want. My sister is especially vocal about what she likes and doesn’t like, but for the most part, everyone understands and is in favor of the idea that our word will be the final one. However, it is hard not to want to please everyone, you know? I’m perfectly comfortable with deciding what is petty and what is a sticking point when it comes to disagreements. For example, the attendant thing: I considered my mother’s opinion, talked to Phil, told her very clearly how I felt, heard that she still felt it wasn’t the right choice, and went ahead and did it anyway. She’s not mad. Maybe a little disappointed, but she’s not going to fight it.

    And quitting smoking is gonna suck. >.<

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  • By Caroline on Jul 14, 2009

    Good luck and congrats on quitting smoking! A roommate of mine quit with patches, and it made her bearable. I know they aren’t cheap, but there’s a Walmart brand now.
    I’m going to be an attendant for a friend who only has 9 months to plan her wedding, but it’s actually working out pretty well. Some sites offer packages with food and stuff included, so that might make your life easier? Good luck with making the wedding small!!

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  • By Nightravyn on Jul 14, 2009

    Hey TJ, there’s a site out there you might like, called Offbeat Bride. http://offbeatbride.com/ There’s a book that goes with it too, but there’s a bunch of info in there on how to save money, get people to understand that this is your wedding, not theirs, sympathy, ideas, and a thriving community of brides all saying “you too shall get through this!” The “offbeat” goes from punks and goths, to people doing stuff a lot more traditional, but their own way, not what the guidebooks all say.

    And congrats and good luck on the soon-to-be non-smoking! :D

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  • By Armond on Jul 14, 2009

    Quitting may suck, but it always amazed me when I bagged people’s cigarettes (which was technically illegal but I didn’t care so long as I got paid) how much they would pay for so many cigarettes just to come back in a few days and repeat the process…

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  • By Grimmtooth on Jul 14, 2009

    Well, if you don’t elope, just keep reminding yourself “We wanted this … we wanted this …”. This may lead to self-loathing, in which case I suggest you roll and shadow priest and roll with it.

    I tried drugs to quit, and that didn’t help. I tried patches several times, and fell off the wagon. Then my doctor suggested this to me: don’t go off step 1 (or 2, or whatever) until I was really ready to. Stay on step 1 for as long as possible, he said. He also pointed out that it wasn’t as deadly as actually smoking, AND these days it’s cheaper too! Food for thought. Not all things work for all people of course, but simply making an honest attempt at it is (IMO) commendable. Good luck!

    Oh, and I’ve been off since August 2007 now. 3 years ago, I’d've laughed if you suggested such things :)

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  • By kick!? on Jul 14, 2009

    TJ initiating contact, Phil acting in self-defense … I blame TJ! ;)

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  • By Internet on Jul 14, 2009

    TJ is guilty for initiating harmful action upon others.
    Phil is guilty of defending himself.
    Pain caused by either action is due to TJ initiating harmful action.

    TJ is at fault.

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  • By Knife on Jul 14, 2009

    Hey TJ,

    I think I’ve posted on your blog once or twice in my life, but I greatly enjoy reading it.

    Anywho- my wife and I recently celebrated our 1 year in June (a much more sensible time to wed in PA i might add), so we have quite a bit of research as far as locations, catering (sometimes it’s included with venue, other times not), cakes and even both religious and non-religious figures who can legally marry you. You know…if you’re interested.

    We had 120ish at our wedding, were at the Joseph Ambler Inn, they made incredible food (i had a perfectly cooked, medium filet that was probably 10oz) and get cakes through a company in Doylestown called The Night Kitchen. If the name alone doesn’t sell you, The Night Kitchen made us a 4 tier cake with two totally separate flavors because we’re indecisive. 2 tiers chocolate cake with dark raspberry filling, 2 tiers vanilla-ish cake with lemon filling. It was delicious. My wife also got them to make me a WoW cake that was totally right beside the wedding cake for everyone to see. It was awesome.

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  • By Pablo on Jul 14, 2009

    Food for thought – get hitched very quietly at the Justice of the Peace strictly for the sake of getting on Phil’s health insurance. Still plan the wedding and don’t tell a soul, but god forbid something should happen and you not have health insurance.

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  • By Zahrah on Jul 14, 2009

    Your wedding… YOUR day. Do it how you want. When you want.

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  • By Moonesonet on Jul 15, 2009

    Lol, having gone through this twice my best recomendation to keep it small is set a expectation and stick to it. Remind people it is YOUR day. First wedding huge lots of people lots of headaches and quitting smoking while trying to plan something like that would have been borderline suicidal and sooo wished we had just eloped by the time everything was done and said. Especially when I had to kick my sister out of the wedding party but that is a long personal story i won’t bore you with. To keep my second wedding small we made the rule of immediate family only. Yess there were quite a few uncle, aunts, cousins hurt by that decision but we still ended up having near 45 people also we couldn’t afford a huge wedding. We also got married down at the court house where there was hardly enough room for all the 30+ that showed up. Free food brings em out of the wood werk. But having a set rule and not making exceptions is hard and people will be upset but thats life you can’t please everyone but you can please YOURSELF. Just like there were people upset from the first wedding where we strongly worded our invitation to state NO KIDS, we weren’t paying $65 a plate for a kid who wouldn’t eat hardly anything and we didn’t want kids running around our reception.

    BTW might i recommend 10-10-2010 :) Phil wouldn’t forget the date mine is 08-08-08. My first wedding was in Oct and Oct is a awesome month to get married. Also the end of Oct is the wine and food festival at Disney’s Epcot, drink and eat yourself around the world.

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  • By SISTER on Jul 15, 2009

    dear sister,
    tell the internet about the license incident. it’s funny and it involves my butt, so everyone walks away happy.

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  • By Riverter on Jul 15, 2009

    T.J.

    This is coming from a man who recently celebrated his 14th year with in my eyes the most perfect woman in the world! We paid for all of our wedding and when it was all said and done it was a very simple and quick wedding. Remember this, the wedding will last maybe 30 minutes at most, the reception will last maybe couple of hours? Save your money because if you are anything like my wife, a couple of days after she plopped down on our couch and uttered the most famous words ever spoken…..”Can we talk?”, the next thing I knew I was at sears picking out……..washer and dryer…..we still have then both and allot of clothes have be put through them with two boys and a husband you do the math….any way. Do what you and Phil want, but really what you want, the man doesn’t really care it’s about the bride that day anyway….

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  • By lenebean on Jul 15, 2009

    TJ, I hate to admit it, but saying it was not your fault for getting hurt by Phil defending himself against your kick is like saying you’re not responsible for getting shot even though you broke into the home of the person who shot you.

    And I suggest a Halloween wedding!

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  • By Vronak on Jul 15, 2009

    Can we assume that the wedding will be podcast for us? Or are you inviting the Internet to your wedding also?

    Where are registered? Or should we all just send chicken nuggets?

    (A podcast wedding, that would be SO TJ!)

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  • By TK on Jul 17, 2009

    I quit smoking in December and did it cold turkey. I found the hardest time I had was at work because i would not take a break. To remedy that I started taking little walks for my breaks. I still from time to time, jones for a smoke but it gets easier. And oh my god cigarettes have gotten expense. I was a 3 pack a day smoker thats like 20$ a day x 365 = 7,300$

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  • By Ale on Jul 20, 2009

    I got married 10/10/98 which for us was a great choice. It is easy to remember (for anniversaries) and has been beautiful in Michigan on that day for the last 10 years. An easy date helps to avoid the missed anniversary battles.

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  • By Ale on Jul 20, 2009

    Okay, after my previous comment, I had to look up what 101010 (10/10/10) is in binary. Being a huge nerd, I was excited to see it was 42 which we all know is, “the answer to life, the universe, everything.” Just saying…..

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  • By Clioratha on Jul 20, 2009

    To second Zahrah:

    It’s *your* wedding (well, and Phil’s)…. not your mom’s or your sister’s, or anyone else’s.

    Do what *you* want. I wish I’d done what I wanted 19 years ago, instead of having my mom call most of the shots, on my dime… I still have the husband though, so I guess it turned out alright anyway.

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