Archive for the ‘NaBloPoMo 09’ Category

Packing in the NaBloPoMo – An interview with Stone Fox of Life in the Fast Lane

Monday, November 30th, 2009

So, another year of NaBloPoMo is ending, and I have indeed posted every day this month. I actually think I wrote some of my most favorite stuff ever this month. If you think about it, though, that’s kind of a waste, because everyone is all busy with holidays, plus everyone you know is posting every single day and everyone has a ton of stuff to read. However, I made up for that greatness by skating my way through the couple of days I was in Luaghlin, and don’t think I didn’t notice, Internet, that you didn’t find poor quality iPhone pictures of our Thanksgiving doings interesting at all. Neither did I, to be honest.

But anyway, it is time to wrap up the month, and I have something excellent for you. Over at Citizen of the Month, the Great Interview Experiment is going on once again and I had the opportunity to interview Stone Fox of Life in the Fast Lane. Rather than bore you with stories about how one of that cats peed on everything and the dog has taken to eating hats/pudding cups/razors (OH MY GOD I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING) and how I am just about ready to shriek so loudly and terrifingly that all four legged creatures in this house immediately teach themselves to walk upright so as to attempt to blend in and escape my wrath, I instead bring you this interview to introduce you to a blogger that you may not have known.

*****

Firstly, I shall ask you a blogging question: Is this your first blog? How long have you been blogging? What made you decide to start blogging? Are there any bloggers who you have read for like, a hundred years and wish you could grow up to be just like them? If you were to be 100% honest, what is your least favorite thing about blogging? THAT ALL COUNTS AS ONE QUESTION!

This is my first serious attempt at blogging. I think I tried to start a blog about a hundred years ago and made it through one post before calling it quits. I was a bit lacking in sticktuitiveness back in the old days. I started this blog on the recommendation of my therapist; she suggested journaling as a way to help deal with my grief over my mom passing away. I think I’ve been blogging for six or seven months now.

I don’t know if there is any one blogger that I would like to be, I tend to follow anyone who makes me laugh, so I guess I want to be funny when I grow up. And FYI, I am always 100% Honest, except when I am 100% Lying. What I like least about blogging is the trend that I am seeing of blogging becoming more of a commercial enterprise. Hey, whoa, hey, let’s not get crazy here, I’m not saying that a person shouldn’t make a buck off of what they can. I am referring to the seminars, programs, etc that are teaching bloggers that if you want to make X money, you should have Y content. It’s like putting your blog through the Same-ulator so You, Too, Can Have A Cookie-Cutter Blog. Whatever happened to writing about things you know about instead of giveaway after giveaway followed by product review/endorsement?

Secondly, I see from your blog that you have three kids under five. Is WOW a question? How does a typical day go in your house? Do you kind of just go with it, or is there a lot of structure required for that many kids? I know that three kids isn’t, like, a LOT, but does it SEEM like a lot sometimes?

A typical day starts with a few hits off the meth pipe washed down by Patrone, and then smoothed out with some Valium. Ahaha hah hah. I wish. Three kids, although numerically not a high number, is a SHITLOAD of kids. Pardonez mon francais. I am completely outnumbered. The noise level is outrageous, someone is always crying, hungry, or needs an ass change (or just peed their pants), and the house often looks like a bomb went off. I like to refer to it as The Damn Hellhole. As in, “Look at this Damn Hellhole. Who is going to clean this up?”

I require structure. I would go insane if I just let them run like heathens; well, ok, in summertime, when I can kick them outside, they can be free.. free like the wind. Winter, when they’re stuck inside? Not so much. I know everyone shits on Kate Gosselin because she is such a control freak, but really? I can totally see where she is coming from. I have less than half the amount of kids she has, and sometimes I am forced to unleash Psycho Bitch From Hell Mom just to get some order around here.

Thirdly, I checked out your Skinny Bitch blog. What kind of plans do you have for that down the line? Do you think you feel more motivated to reach a goal, whether it’s weight loss or anything else, if you have promised yourself to keep the internet informed of your progress?

Heck yeah it’s motivating, knowing other people in cyberspace are watching. My mentality is, ‘I can’t just quit, other people are a part of this too.’ There is definitely accountability, as well, having other people in on my “Journey” (hokey Oprah word), but there is also support. None of us is losing weight without eff-ing up when it comes to food or exercise, none of us has it easier than anyone else. Sharing a word of encouragement, or even a big ole ME TOO! when someone writes about something they struggle with often is a big boost to the writer and anyone else who reads the comments.

Each of us has our own way of losing weight, so there is also an aspect of learning about other weight loss programs, etc. If I plateau on Body For Life and want to switch to Weight Watchers, I can just ask Rukus to help me with that. Or maybe I would go trolling the net, find something new and interesting, and post it up for everyone else to read and give an opinion. I would love to see Skinny Bitch grow into a big, supportive community with healthy encouragement for anyone who wants to lose weight – without judgment of how a person got overweight or how they plan to lose it. Hopefully we can also have a little section on fitness and nutrition education. There is just so much information out there, it would be nice to have someone break it down into digestible pieces.

Fourthly, you’ve written about how you, too, have recently quit smoking. As you know, that’s a subject of current interest to me. How did you end up successfully quitting? Do you feel like a non-smoker yet, or someone still in the process of quitting? Have you noticed any positive benefits yet? Because I feel like I have, at two months out, and Phil says he hasn’t at more than 3 months out for him. WHICH OF US IS INCORRECT?

I smoked for about 12 years. I probably quit about 5 or 6 times and it never lasted more than 3 months. I managed to get to that 3-month mark and think, “I can have just one..” FATAL WORDS, MY FRIEND. One WILL lead to a PACK. Without trying to be a Debbie Downer (which, this totally will be a downer in a Serious Kind Of Way), the reason I quit was because I promised myself that I would quit smoking before the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. She was a heavy smoker for 50 years. She died at 65 of lung cancer. It sucked.

awkward silence…

So yeah. To answer the other questions, I have now made it past the dreaded 3 months, so I am feeling more and more like a non-smoker. Well, not even non-smoker. More like an ex-smoker. Kind of like I was common-law married to cigarettes and things just didn’t work out between us, so we split up. And I know, I’ve left before but kept going back just for one more bang and before you know it, we’re living together again. This time, I was serious. Cigarettes and I don’t even talk on the phone. No emails. No texts. When I see him on the street getting sucked off by anyone with $12 in his or her pocket, I don’t even wave. It’s like we’re strangers now. And I’m totally ok with that.

I do feel much better healthwise since I quit. I used to get these scary dizzy spells while I was driving that scared the ever-loving out of me. Also, I used to have a wheeze and now I don’t. Also, I don’t smell like ashtray or that old-cigarette dirt smell anymore. It sounds like Phil is just bitchy because he still has the Crave. I am going to go with PHIL: YOU ARE INCORRECT. Please do not get huffy about it.

Fifthly, to fit in with my blog, where I will be posting this interview – I have been working on a project called Becoming People Who Comment. What is your own blog commenting style? Do you comment on everything you read, or never comment? When you don’t comment on something you’ve read, what stops you? This is for science.

My own commenting style depends on my mood. Usually I try to be funny, which probably flops more often than not, but as long as I’m laughing it’s cool. If it’s a serious post, I try to leave a thoughtful comment that shows I actually read it, instead of just skimming. There are some blogs that I comment on all the time; other blogs, I only comment if the post is something that is germane or interesting. Sometimes there are just too many posts to read and not enough time, so I don’t comment on any. Basically, though, If I don’t have something at least half assed intelligent to contribute, I won’t comment. Huh. You’d think by that criteria I’d be commenting a lot less.

All of these questions each counted as one question, by the rules I just made up, thus staying neatly within the 5 to 10 questions rules! However, since you have three kids under 5, I will totally understand if you want to answer only one question out of my huge question balls.

HA! As if I would only answer one question. We’re talking about me, here. I can go on and on about myself for hours – as you can see by my essay-like answers. Great questions!

*****

So there you have it, Internet. My “five” to “ten” questions for Stone Fox at Life in the Fast Lane. If you want to check out more interviews from the Great Interview Experiment, you can find them over here, or sign up yourself. The interview was fun, and I think I might do it again some time, so please email me with extreme caution, because I’ve just made up a rule right now that says that if you email me and get back a response that is not only completely unrelated to your topic or question, but is also a huge Question Ball, you are required to answer them all.

That’s the rule.

November 29, post-errands

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

“You turned off Don’t Start a Band for this?”

“Yep.”

Sell Out?

“Yep.”

“The very song that Don’t Start a Band is about?”

“Yep.”

“‘Play that one damn song is what they say,’ that’s you?”

“Yep.”

“You’re a walking cliche.”

“You’re a buttmouth.”

Weird!

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

Weird!

Originally uploaded by TemerityJane

Sitting in a Carl’s Jr drive through, being denied breakfast. Except
over there? At the hotel we just came from? It’s an hour earlier. This
is heinous time zone/drive through coordinated fuckery. Let this be a
lesson to you, Internet. Drive over the Colorado, no sourdough
breakfast sandwich for you.

Atlantic City’s ugly cousin

Friday, November 27th, 2009



Atlantic City’s ugly cousin

Originally uploaded by TemerityJane


Dear Internet,
Please enjoy the view from the traditional Thanksgiving casino hotel
room in lovely Laughlin, NV. The view of the Colorado River from the
window is really quite nice during the day, but I was much too busy
throwing perfectly good money down the toilet to get a picture. Wish
you were here,

TJ

A Thanksgiving miracle

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

A Thanksgiving miracle

Originally uploaded by TemerityJane

And lo, as tradition dictated, the Thanksgiving bingo of the Phil
Family Clan was played. The Gods of Turkey smiled on your hero this
day, blessing her with the rarest of beasts – The Perfect Game.

Knock Off Christmas

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

As many of you know, I stand firmly against paying full price, as a general rule. Basically, my take on it is… why should I?

So, the other day, Phil entertained my sale and clearance shopping needs by stopping into a store I’d never been in before: Beale’s. In case you have one near you, I’ve put together a helpful list of some products you might want to hone in on for all your discount gift giving needs:

sassyfeet

The Pedi-Smooth. Superior to that oval-shaped foot care object because this one promises not only smooth, but also sassy feet. Also? It’s shaped like a foot. I mean, what does an egg know about foot care? This one is shaped like the body part it is designed to care for. That’s thoughtful craftsmanship.

bloopers

How about some male underpants? They’re already slightly imperfect, so you don’t have to be afraid to blooper in them.

skullsofbones

For that expressive, dark, edgy person in your life – nothing says intimidating like skulls made out of bones. On pajamas.

gaspants

Another way I like to save money is by choosing items that have more than one use or purpose. For example, these pants can be given both to people who have careers in the automotive fuel industry or to those who smell really bad in the buttial area. (Though in seriousness? I’m not sure the makers of these pants understood the joke they were supposed to be making.)

Of course, we can’t forget the toys! Just try not to stare at them too hard.

quickchange2

I mean, if your kid hasn’t learned to read yet, “Quick Change Transforming System” is pretty much exactly the same thing.

quickchange1

Look, kids! It’s Ooptimoose Prune! And Bimbleboo!

Bad words.

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

I just feel like this needs to be said today:

Words I Hate,
a list, by TJ

1. Goodies. As in, “We will be handing out plenty of goodies,” or “What kind of goodies did you get?” Hated even more when used in a singular form: “Please bring a goody to share.” God. Never have I felt more awkward than the two total occasions I have attempted to use the word “goodies” seriously. I also get REALLY embarrassed when I hear people talking about handing out “goodies.”

2. Blouse. What am I, 75? I wear shirts, tops, and/or shirts or tops with buttons. I have a very distinct image in mind when I hear the word “blouse.” Cream colored, long sleeves, button sown, with cuffs that are tight at the wrist and then bell out, and ruffles down the buttons. And a high collar. THAT is a blouse.

3. Moist. Pretty much because everyone says they hate the word moist, and I’m sick of the fact that it even exists so someone can say they hate the word moist every time the opportunity to say a word you hate comes along, which, seriously, is really quite often.

4. Orgasm. One time? When I was in the third or fourth grade? I was reviewing for a science test with my mom, on plants and animals and stuff? And I accidentally shouted the word orgasm at her. I wasn’t embarrassed about it until years later when I learned said word and the incident immediately popped back into my mind, clear as day. I was trying to say organism. As in “What is something both plants an animals have in common?” and I yelled, “THEY’RE BOTH ORGASMS.” I’m dying. Right now. I’m dead from this.

5. Panties. What a horrible word. Who even came up with that? It’s like the opposite of sexy. When I’ve tried to say it, it gets all hung up in the back of my throat. I’m bringing back “underpants.” We say “underpants” in this house.

6. Corporate buzz words. See number 3 above.

Now you.