January 22, pre-Mexican food
Friday, January 22nd, 2010“Hey, I found $3 in my pocket! A fraction of dinner is on me!”
“A fraction of dinner is on you, usually.”
Archive for the ‘TJ + Phil’ Category
Are we going for a pink? An off-pink? I didn’t know we’d standardized!
Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
To: Military Phil
From: TJ
Subject: HEY
I have a question.
To: TJ
From: Military Phil
Subject: Re: HEY
YES?
To: Military Phil
From: TJ
Subejct: Re: Re: HEY
Maybe I should ask it to you on your non-military email. It’s about parts.
To: TJ
From: Military Phil
Subject: Re: Re: Re: HEY
Ummm okay. Gmail is fine.
To: Standard Phil
From: TJ
Subject: (no subject)
IS MY VAGINA THE RIGHT COLOR?
To: TJ
From: Standard Phil
Subject: Re: (no subject)
WTF? Yes! Why?
To: Standard Phil
From: TJ
Subject: Re: Re: (no subject)
Apparently there is a new product out there so I can dye it to the right color:
http://jezebel.com/5445537/my-new-pink-button-restore-the-youthful-pink-color-back-to-your-labia
I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS A RIGHT COLOR! If there’s a RIGHT color, that leaves the door open for mine to potentially be the WRONG COLOR.
And if you consider all of the other colors available in the world, the chances that my vagina have settled on the one right one ARE PRETTY SLIM.
Also, even it was, at one point, the correct color, it might have CHANGED color since then, or might change color as I get older. I’m 28. TWENTY EIGHT. MY PRIME VAGINA YEARS MIGHT BE BEHIND ME.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?
To: Standard Phil
From: TJ
Subject: Re: Re: Re: (no subject)
WELL?
To: TJ
From: Standard Phil
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: (no subject)
I don’t know what “we” are going to do, but I’m just going to pretend I never saw these e-mails and not succumb to this insanity.
To: Standard Phil
From: TJ
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (no subject)
YOU CAN’T JUST WALK AWAY FROM ISSUES.
We’re in a relationship. We share things. 50/50.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT OUR VAGINA?
To: Standard Phil
From: TJ
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: (no subject)
HELLOOOOO?
January 8, bedtime
Saturday, January 9th, 2010“Hm. Today was a good day.”
“I didn’t even have to use my AK.”
“And no one you know got killed in South Central LA?”
“Nope.”
“Yep. Today was a good day.”
January 2, squabble one
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010“There’s a store I want to go to in Phoenix, will you look it up?”
“What is it called?”
“Buffalo something?”
“Is it actually called Buffalo Something?”
“Buffalo something.”
“I can’t find any store called Buffalo Something.”
“You actually looked up Buffalo Something? It’s not Buffalo Something. It’s Buffalo something!”
“I asked you if it was Buffalo Something and you said it was!”
“No, you said, ‘Is it Buffalo Something?’ and I said “Buffalo something.”
“What? What does it sell?”
“Clothes. Buffalo something. What do you think Google is for? I had faith in you that you would figure this out. What the hell kind of place is called Buffalo Something?”
“That is why I asked you if it was Buffalo Something!”
(from another room “Buffalo Exchange!”)
“Buffalo Exchange! See! That is what I said! Buffalo something!”
“No, you said Buffalo Something.”
“I SAID BUFFALO SOMETHING. DAMN.”
December 27, deep in the irritability zone
Sunday, December 27th, 2009“Auuughghhh.”
“…”
“My uterus hurts, like, real bad.”
“…”
“I’m not hearing any sympathy coming from you.”
“Sympathy.”
“Nothing like this happens to your body every month. You just have erections. And that’s not the same at all. You just have to rub it a bit and that just ends in happiness.”
“Pretty much.”
“It’s like… a joy stick.”
“Exactly.”
“And we just have pain.”
“You guys got the shaft while we just got a shaft.”
“My jokes are funnier than yours, like, 99.8% of the time.”
“I agree.”
December 21, pre-hockey game
Monday, December 21st, 2009“Where did my towel go?”
“There’s some dry ones in the dryer.”
“Can you hand me one, please?”
“Here.”
“This isn’t dry! I need a dry towel to DRY MYSELF.”
“It is dry.”
“It is not dry. Feel it!”
“It’s dry, it’s just warm.”
“It is not at all dry. It is totally damp.”
“We obviously have different definitions of dry, then.”
“You… what? YOU CAN’T HAVE DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS OF DRY.”
“Sure you can. I say this is dry, and you say it isn’t. You’re wrong, but whatever.”
“DRY IS NOT SUBJECTIVE.”
“Agree to disagree.”
“NO YOU CANNOT DISAGREE ON DRY OH MY GOD.”
December 18, Grimaldi’s parking lot
Friday, December 18th, 2009“So how was your dinner?”
“It was ok.”
“But you said the salad was good.”
“It was.”
“And you said the pizza was good.”
“It was.”
“So what part was just ok? The company?”
“Hmm…”
“I will throw your leftover 2am pizza on the ground.”
“Ha. Like you would throw food.”
“… Are you calling me fat?”
“No. I’m calling you frugal.”
“Awww! Thank you!”
