Ok, Internet, I think I’ve reattached the top of my skull to my head.
(there’s a video here, click through your feed reader if you can’t see it.)
For those of you who are not [yet] Nerdfighters, do still feel free to chime in. My blog is not going to be turning into a wedding planning blog, so if you’d like to follow along with the plans, take these steps.
So, I live in Arizona, where the United States comes to volunteer where barely needed and then die, either of old age of by driving their damn golf carts on the road.
Oh, wait.
I’m sorry.
Golf CARS.
Anyway, what do old people like? They like senior specials at Denny’s. They like taking all of the early salon appointments. And they like home shopping networks.
Seriously, Internet, I have never seen so many home shopping channels all at once, ever. THERE IS A KNIFE CHANNEL.
The best ones, though, are the jewelry ones. The live auctions hold my attention for about a minute, but there’s another one that I watch before bed every. single. night.
What it is is this over excited obnoxious woman (there’s several, but they’re all the same, really), showing off different pieces of jewelry like you would on QVC or something. She talks about it a bit, how it’s just about the best thing ever ever and oh my god if you miss it, you’ll be so sorry. Then, the screen changes and these words flash across the screen:
“LET’S PLAY THE GAME!”
So, then the price comes up and a quantity, and the lady keeps talking about it and talking about it, harassing you to call in. AND? As she’s talking? The price DROPS. And you call in and I guess you press a button or something to say you want one, and the whole time, the price drops and drops until all of them are gone and then EVERYONE gets the LOWEST PRICE!
I, of course, have never called. My enjoyment comes solely from elbowing Phil just as he as falling asleep.
TJ: LOOK! Look at that ring! Phil: Ugh… what about it? TJ: It’s an 11 carat glacier topaz! Phil: It’s a what? TJ: OH LOOK! The price just dropped a hundred dollars! Give me your credit card! Phil: No! Go to sleep! TJ: THEY’VE ONLY GOT 3 LEFT! I’M PANICKING! I’M PANICKING! GLACIER TOPAZ! Phil: Do you even know what a glacier topaz IS? TJ: You can only get it from a specific spot in Russia! THERE’S ONLY TWO LEFT! Phil: Uh huh… TJ: You can only get it a few months a year because of the storms! ONE LEFT! PRICE CRASH! AAAAHHH! Phil: *mumble* TJ: Aw, they’re gone– HEY LOOK AT THAT NECKLACE! Phil: *snore*
Second, it has been way too long since I have done this for you:
If you’re in London, it would be extra silly of you to miss out on seeing Julia Nunes. You know it would. (if you can’t see the video, well, there is one there. So, you know. Curse your feed reader.)
And the last, super special, extra awesome thing is after the jump.
I have avoided talking too much about my work or what I do all day because frankly, work is boring. However, as with all jobs, eventually things begin to get under your skin, and since I have no employer who would be horrified about the thought of me complaining to the internet about my job, I think I might just start doing it.
Phil and I both thank you very much for all the advice and well wishes. He is up and around now, but here is a little recap I liked to call “The Confused Pirate.”
(A Having Fun at My Boyfriend’s Expense Production)
Warning: Do not watch if any of the following are true:
The word “chunks” bothers you.
You are uncomfortable with carefully edited, vague, yet still present sexual reference.
Finding out that I swear like a sailor would break your heart.
You’re one of those judgmental types who is going to assume that a 7 minute video is enough information to lay down opinions on our relationship and comment to that effect.
So, Phil signed me up for about 480 magazine subscriptions. They’re all over the place. I pull out coupons and recipes that I intend to use, but mostly, once you’ve read through it once, a magazine is pretty much done.
Something almost all magazines feature is an advice column of some kind or another, and every time I read one, I am struck by the fact that holy CRAP, I could do so much better than these people do. So, from now on, I have decided that whenever I come across an abject failure to dispense proper advice, I will come here and tell you how it should have been answered.
For my inaugural question, I found this gem in Women’s Health magazine:
My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years, and I’m ready to get married. Should I give him an ultimatum?
The answer given by the magazine writer was something along the lines of “Well… why don’t you just talk it out instead?” and was pretty much a paragraph of explaining why an ultimatum probably isn’t the best idea.
I could have saved them about two inches of magazine space with my answer.
Ahem.
WHAT ARE YOU, NEW? You’ve been with a guy for four years, and I assume because of that you’ve actually MET MEN throughout your life. IN WHAT WORLD DO YOU THINK AN ULTIMATUM IS A GOOD IDEA?
And you’d probably be a shrew of a wife, anyway!
Right. So, that’s my first attempt at correctly answering advice column letters.
In other news, since people got such a kick out of Phil and I both on BlogTV the other night, and since I seem to get a question on every single entry these days asking just what it is I do all day, I’ve decided to try a new experiment. Up at the top, you’ll see a new link to a live stream. It’s set up in the office to run constantly. Interesting? No, not really. An excellent time killer and procrastination tool? Definitely. It will mostly be always on, unless I need to throw something at Phil or something.
And as for BlogTV itself, we’ve promised to come back and do it again next Sunday evening, at about the same time (6pm Arizona time) for those who missed it, and to try to remember to record it for those who can’t make it.
So BlogTV will be tonight, because why the hell not, I’m reasonably settled down here, and I will show you my ZenniOptical glasses and explain exactly what the hell it is I do all day now and you will probably get to see me chase away cats with air cans and squirt bottles and Phil will probably be sitting 3 feet behind me and I will show you our new pirate flag.
The embed will be here around 6pm Arizona time, and you can follow this link to get to the chatroom if you want to talk, I especially hope you will choose that option if you’re one of the people who has moderated for me before, lest we have an unfortunate repeat of the surprise penis incident.
Still blows me away, every time. And he’s so damn cute I feel vaguely uncomfortably pervy watching it.
In keeping with tradition, Internet, I bring you what I am sure to be blathering on about in just a month or so again, Susan Boyle. I can’t find a single embeddable version of the video anywhere, but you can click, right?
I swear, if I showed up in England, they’d turn me away at the border for being all around too dull and untalented.
