Temerity Jane

Throwing in the towel.

I have had the most miserable 48 hours of my entire life, Internet. I have NEVER been this sick. Everything hurts, I’m too hot and I’m too cold, I can’t find clothes I haven’t sweat through, I can hardly keep anything down, I can’t take enough medicine to keep my fever down. I did essentially nothing today except lay in my bed and cry.

And after spending a good 15 minutes on the phone with Phil, weeping pathetically and nonsensically, I gave in and… called my mother.

Yes, Internet, I am THAT sick.

I do not know what is going to happen at the moment, but I may be looking at possible impending mother visit and I am not even a little upset about that. So I am excusing myself from NaBloPoMo, I don’t even know why I’ve tried to keep it up. Good luck to those of you still working at it.

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 2 Comments »

Please stand by

Well, Internet, anyone who has been around me recently has no worry that whatever I have is contagious – I went to the doctor today when I found it impossible to keep my fever below 102 and it’s turned out to be a kidney infection.

Once I was able to get myself to the doctor, and let me tell you, it was difficult – I can’t remember the last time I felt so miserable – I got a prescription for an antibiotic and the doctor said most people feel better in as little as 1 or two doses.

So of course I took one as soon as I got home. I’m still struggling to keep the fever down, though, and all the discomfort that goes along with that. On top of trying to keep my fever down, keeping down the medicine to keep the fever down is a challenge as well.

For now, I am laying in bed with many, many episodes of Law & Order: SVU, and rolling around and moaning to myself, though it doesn’t seem to be helping.

Hopefully in a day or two I will be up and about and good to go, but for now, I am just going to lay here.

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 3 Comments »

Let’s play doctor.

Not THAT kind of doctor, the kind where I tell you how I feel and you tell me what’s wrong with me.

Symptoms: None.

Well, none like, I have no sore throat, no upset stomach, no real headache, no runny nose, no sniffling or sneezing or coughing. Nothing like that at all.

What I have, Internet, is hurt. Aches, you know, like when you have a fever? Is that just me? I can handle any kind of being sick. I rarely get sick. The last time I was really sick was in 2005, I had the flu for the one and only time in my life. I can handle anything at all about being sick, except for fever and the aches that go with it. I can’t stand it, I find it intolerable, I moan and whine and hurt and complain. The idea of a hot shower sounds fantastic except for the part where I feel like water hitting me might actually kill me. I had to step out of my car to get gas this evening and nearly cried through the whole event, because the cold made it so much worse.

I also have a low fever, though I have not taken my temperature, I am just assuming I do, because I have all of my own traditional fever signs. 1) I hurt, 2) my eyelids are burning my eyeballs when I blink, and 3) I’ve got the dumb. Seriously, if my temperature crawls even one notch above 97.8 (I know it to a science), I am suddenly beset with stupid. I turned down a 1 way mall entrance tonight the wrong way. I had what I am sure is a completely nonsensical conversation with Phil for the entire drive home this evening.

But that’s all, though. Just the hurting, that’s the thing. The kind of full body aches where you need to be in sweatpants, a t-shirt, a hoodie and 4 blankets and then and only then will you feel any kind of comfortable. Nothing else at all. No sneezing or coughing on people, no puking. My head and stomach maybe hurt a LITTLE, but that could also be fake in that I am worried I am getting sick which, did I mention, I NEVER DO?

So, while I am mostly convinced I am going to feel 100% better in the morning because my immune system is actually made of titanium and WD-40, I have some questions I would like you to answer for me, Internet, because it is way easier that convincing myself I have a bone eating parasite.

Question 1: Tell me I am not alone in the whole body fever aches and that I didn’t just spend an entire post talking about something like you all knew exactly what I was talking about and I’m just totally weird.

Question 2: What the hell kind of potentially flesh-eating super disease can a) bring me down (because seriously, as if) and b) causes no symptoms other than terrible aches and a reasonable certainty of lowgrade fever?

Question 3: If you do indeed have a fever and you do indeed have some painful aches but otherwise feel absolutely 100% fine, do you go to work or stay home?

I was going to write a post that just said “I ALL OF A SUDDEN FEEL LIKE CRAP FOR NO GOOD REASON!,” but I figured I could put you all to work instead. I would like to see who can come up with the most plausible (by symptoms) but ridiculous (because I’m rather certain I do not have anything, let alone like… ebola) diagnosis.

And then I will take that internet-supplied ridiculous diagnosis and call my mother and tell her that’s what I have.

Because if I am anything at all, if there is any one thing that will define me as time moves on forever, if there is a characteristic or designation that will forever fit me to a T, it is a terrible, terrible child.

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 10 Comments »

Awesome things for you to read and do and see…

… to distract you from a largely contentless post.

(You’ll thank me tomorrow, around 3pm. Everyone knows that Wednesdays at 3pm is when time slows down to an impossible crawl and you’d give the left side of your ribcage for a nap even though it would mean that you’d be walking around with half your chest caved in for the rest of your life and having to be really careful in crowded situations so as not to squish your lung and have to dramatically stab a giant needle into yourself like they do on TV to reinflate it, thus totally grossing out everyone around you even more than they were already grossed out by your oddly sunken chest and possibly ending up with not only a sunken half-chest but also a whole left side full of giant needle holes as you have not the good sense to stay away from crowded situations since you gave up the left side of your ribcage for a nap that one Wednesday afternoon at 3pm. THAT’S how bad you will need this on Wednesday afternoon at 3pm.)

(You’re WELCOME.)

10 Bizarre Deaths in History
- Basically, Internet, if we can learn anything from history, it is that 1, stubbing your toe always has and always will suck and 2, wear a coat.

One Lucky Guy
- Someone, please, for the love of God, be that obnoxious person who announces that this is a total photoshop, so my heart can crawl back down from where it is clinging to my tonsils for comfort.

My possible future
- This is pretty much the outcome I am imagining that will come from me meeting Phil’s family in two weeks.

Handmade Valentine’s Cards
- One of the downsides of being in a relationship is that I do not think he would find receiving one of these cards nearly as funny as I would find giving it to someone.

Remind you of anyone’s mother?
- Hint: mine.

Perspective game
- I like this one because while I have absolutely no talent for it, I actually do get the hang of it the more I play. My record so far is a pathetic 19 images.

Caps Lock Trainer
- I’m too hardcore to get any use out of this. I use the shift key exclusively. Read back through a few months of the archives here and you’ll see how amazing I truly am.

States placement game
- I apparently have shamefully little knowledge of anything that isn’t the edges.

Free Information Society
- If the pearls of wisdom I’m doling out here daily are for some reason not ENOUGH for you, I SUPPOSE you could find something of interest here.

How TJs like to do things
- So efficient. So clear cut. Impossible to misinterpret. So easily fileable. That is my style, right there.

What’s Your Weather?
- Music channels sorted to suit what the weather is like. It’s actually remarkably fitting, the couple of occasions I’ve tried it.

Spin the Black Circle
- THIS GAME IS DUMB. DON’T PLAY IT. IT’S SO STUPID. (Translation: I suck at this, therefore must declare to hate it.)

Font Conference
- I don’t like the way this ended up. Comic Sans was taken WAY too seriously.

FAIL
- Okay, totally 2006 of me, but FAIL pictures just never get old. For me. And this is my website. FALL IN LINE, PEOPLE.

Same as above
- Never! Gets! Old!

Escalators
- They don’t just pose dangers to TJs.

Posted in NaBloPoMo, Wait, what? | 6 Comments »

Shameless theft of email.

Dear TJ:

Love,
Not TJ.

Dear Not TJ,

Your friend,
Actual TJ

Dear TJ,

Love,
Fionan

Dear Fionan,

Gravitationally,
TJ

Dear Tiiiige,

Existentially,
Fionan (I would go with Fio, but you already have a Fio. One of us may live, the other must die.)

Fio the Second,

Creepily,
TJ

Dear TJ.

There are no dishes in this room, ergo, they do not exist.

Erroneously,
Fio the Second

Dear 2,

Advicely,
TJ

PS – this will learn you some physics – http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/10/physics_invader.html

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 1 Comment »

Pleasantly boring.

The thing about committing to posting every single day for a month is, for me at least, the fact that I have to count on something HAPPENING to me every day for a solid month. Now, those of you who have read this site for a long time will certainly agree with me that this has often been the case. And that works for me, see, because I’m not so good at just making stuff up to post. I don’t have ideas and stuff in my head. Mostly what’s in my head right now are reminders to myself to get out the door 7 minutes early in order to obtain my bagel and the fact that Disengage for hunters is so much more useful than it used to be.

The times I have tried to post the random stuff I pull out of my head haven’t really gone over like gangbusters, except for the one time I posted about how terrifying it would be to be alone in your house, open your closet door, and find Michael Stipe standing there. And that was really only interesting because the comments devolved into an all out pun war between Fio and Doom, the likes of which had not been seen before or since. Obviously no one really took the time to THINK about how they would feel if they had found Micheal Stipe hanging out in their closet, but I urge you to revisit that entry, now that all the groaning hilarity has settled, and really think about what you would do in such a situation. I mean, really think about it.

So, as I said in the previous entry in a way, nothing really happens to me on a daily basis anymore. My commute is all highway, so I don’t meet too many weird men along the way. I am not single, so I am not giving my number out to potentially crazy and highly inappropriate individuals. Even Toodles has gone! Do you know what my life has consisted of today? A nearly 9 hour Skype call with Phil, which I am still in the middle of.

We’re not talking right now, though, because we’re both blogging.

I do not know, Internet, if at this moment my life appears really sad or really awesome to you. But I assure you, it is awesome.

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 3 Comments »

SHENANNIGANS.

Ok, so maybe I haven’t been going out so much lately. Maybe I’ve been keeping a bit to myself. Maybe I have fallen asleep 3 or 4 nights in a row nearly right after work, with all of the lights on. And maybe I spend the weekends holed up in my room.

I ask you, Internet, is that so bad? Does not everyone have their phases of hermitry?

I did, in fact, go out this afternoon. I went to see Zack & Miri Make a Porno with my friend Pie. I got a voicemail while I was in the movie and, listening to it afterward, it was my friend Michelle asking me to come down to the Greene Turtle later in the evening for a friend’s birthday. I called her back and let her know I wasn’t really up for going out tonight, but thanks for the offer, I was really just going to go home and sloth around my room for the evening.

“Are you sure?,” she says.
“Yes,” I says.
“We’d love to see you,” she says.
“I know where the Greene Turtle is if I change my mind,” I says.
“8pm,” she says.
“I’ll let you know if I change my mind,” I says.
“I hope you change your mind,” she says.

I was not going to change my mind.

So, here I am at home, around 10pm, happily slothing around my room when I get a text from Michelle and Dan.

“The band is coming down.”

“The band” being a local band that I greatly enjoy, that I have not seen in quite some time.

Me: Ha, rad.
Them: So come!
Me: It’s past my bedtime.
Them: Bullshit, Phil doesn’t go to bed for another two hours.

Ok, well, they got me there. Besides, I do really like the band. So I sat up, made some half-assed swipes at my hair and make up, and headed out to the bar. Considering I had been telling Phil about 5 minutes previously that I was about to go to sleep, I was pretty impressed with me.

Upon arriving at the bar, Dan had this to say:

“I need to come clean. The band is coming… but it’s not Stokely Rose.”

At that point, I affixed a scowl to my face that was not to be removed for the rest of the evening.

Which lasted about 30 minutes. Enough time for one diet soda, one cigarette and one “Good DAY, Sirs!” as I stomped back to my car.

Now, I appreciate that some people may not approve of my recent attatchment to my lair and refusal to leave said lair. But resorting to trickery to entice me out?

Well, that is just not going to end well for anyone. Now I am the cranky bitch that scowled for half an hour and stomped away, and they are the nefarious duo who lured me from my cave with false promises only to shatter all my hopes and dreams.

Who, Internet, is the buttface in this scenario!

Posted in NaBloPoMo, daily BS | 8 Comments »