Archive for the ‘Bloggers who aren't me’ Category
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
The title of this post, Internet, refers to two things.
Thing One:
I went dress shopping today, and it was not a total misery, even though my mother started off the day by telling me she liked my shirt but it made me look “heavier than I am.” And then she was shocked when I went to change it. She wasn’t being mean, it just didn’t come out the way she intended (I was wearing a much less fitted shirt than my usual preferences, and she wasn’t used to it, as I am quite set in my “style” ways). There were very few dresses we were flat out displeased with, and from the two shops we went to, I got a much better idea of what I’m looking for – or at least, what I’m not looking for (dropped waists + short legs = a surprisingly dead on impersonation of Toad).
We’ve even got two dresses tied in a dead heat at the moment, with a third not far enough behind to be eliminated. We took pictures of everything, but… I left my camera cord in Arizona.
DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT?
(I will be picking up a card reader tomorrow in hopes that I will find a way to get Internet input without Phil having a peek – we’re being quite traditional about all of that.)
Thing Two:
Have you ever read Hyperbole and a Half? If you haven’t, I don’t even know what to say to you. You should probably go over and read it right now, and that should probably convince you to continue. If you need more convincing, you should read this particular post, because if you are at all like me, you will probably be like OH MAN ME TOO and if you’re not at all like me yet you’re still reading my blog, you will still probably laugh REALLY HARD.
And if you’re STILL not convinced?
Look what Allie drew for me:
DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT?
You know how we are moving into a whole new house? That is the first art going on our walls, and it will probably be really hard to actually choose a wall for it, so I’m thinking we’ll put one copy above each of Brinkley’s beds (two), so that he knows where they are in the new house and then one copy in the bathroom, because every bathroom needs some classy art, and then one copy in the laundry room to cheer me up when I’m doing laundry! DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT!
Anyway, Internet, I wanted to write about dress shopping today, but it seems so pointless without pictures. I hope to write about it tomorrow, with pictures, but I’ll have to work out a way to keep Phil’s prying eyes away. Not that he’s all determined to ruin the surprise or anything, but you know, once you’re banned from something, it becomes much more likely that you will accidentally see it. Suggestions welcome, Internet.
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me, Somebody's getting maawwweeed, daily BS | 9 Comments »
Monday, February 1st, 2010
February 16th is a very important day for me this year; I have a test that I really need to pass. I want to be a TSgt, not just because I have been an SSgt for way to long, but also I feel the need to have the next level of responsibility.
I am not sure how to explain it, but I’m worried I am not trying hard enough. I do study, but I flash forward in my mind to the day they announce the ranks and when my name is not on it I will just be kicking myself for not trying just that little bit more. I just want this so bad and not just for myself, but to help secure my future with TJ and any of our hypothetical children (I’m shooting for twins, cause why not). So these last few days of being ill and just being plain busy have made me very concerned about the looming date. I have made myself a deal though, even though with TJ gone this is going to be even harder, I will not play any form of video game what so ever until after my test. The days leading up to the test will only be filled with study, taking Brinkley to the park, and maybe the TV on, if only to have background noise.
So if I can do this I think I should get a gift of sorts, say either Dragon Age: Origins or Star Trek online. I am not sure which to get, but I think one of them will magically appear that day. Then of course in June when I find out the results of the test and they tell me that I am a new TSgt I think a present of the 52 inch tv variety would be in order. What do you think, Internet?
******
The above was written by Phil, but the Internet should be aware that we already own two quite satisfactorily large televisions and also a bedroom television and there are only two of us and for the love of pete I don’t understand why, if your current television is big enough, you need an even bigger television, especially at the cost of televisions these days, what with all of their bells and whistles and whatnot, and I’m not saying that Phil doesn’t deserve some kind of pat on the back should he pass his exam, but did you not see that he is rewarding himself with a video game for the mere act of taking the exam, and then he’s supposed to get 50 some odd inches of television if he passes it, almost as many inches of television, I might add, as there are inches of his girlfriend, if we’re speaking in terms of height and height only because if you think you’re coming at me with a tape measure to check how many inches of me there are, you have got another think coming, you buttcake and you know what? Forget it. No televisions for anyone, you jerks. — TJ
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me, daily BS | 57 Comments »
Thursday, January 21st, 2010
Hey, Internet, I’m instituting a new series of posts called “Link to Someone Else Thursdays,” because I found a new blog I like, I’m working on a plot so I’m really busy right now, and it’s Thursday. This series may or may not continue to other Thursdays. It depends on how busy I am next Thursday.
Hopefully, by next Thursday, I can tell you of the secret plot I am working on, though.
So, Internet, I give you the inaugural edition of LINK TO SOMEONE ELSE THURSDAYS!
ANYWAY. You see how I have the BlogHer ads, and underneath the tall skinny ad, links to other blogs in the BlogHer network? Well, you should check those links out as often as they change, because you will find some awesome stuff.
For example, I recently found Slice of Lemon that way.
I would go on and on about how funny and intelligent and interesting and charming she is, but instead, I give you this small selection from her FAQ Page.
Who is “The Boss” and where did you meet him?
The Boss is my beautiful and charming husband. We met when we were 9 years old and our childhood friendship eventually evolved into a wedding proposal.
We married on July 12, 2008.
I noticed you’re wearing a scarf on your head in your picture in the About This Site section of your Web site. Does that mean you’re a Muslim?
Yup.
Does your husband make you call him “The Boss” because you’re an oppressed Muslim woman who has absolutely no rights?
Yup.
Why in the world would you make a joke like that about Muslim women? It wasn’t funny and I’m offended.
My husband made me do it.
I almost peed, y’all. I almost peed.
Anyway, I’ve got to go inform some people of some developments in my plot, and I almost promised a top secret, deeply coded email to another blogger (that you should also be reading, by the way).
If you are desperate for something that I’ve written (but seriously, I’ve brought two whole other entire bloggers to your attention today, so I really think you’re being kind of uppity and demanding), you can check out this post I wrote on SodaHead about Kim Kardashian and $25 lollipops because WHAT THE HELL?
I can’t wait to tell y’all about my plot!
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me, the blogging thing | 3 Comments »
Monday, October 26th, 2009
A while back, I talked about your credibility as a blogger, and one of the ways you could hurt it.
I wrote a story about someone who lied and blogged about an email he had received – a lie easily discovered. I kind of half-heartedly called him out on it, and let him believe that I bought his shoddy cover story. I was already weary of this dude’s lies. Tired out. Exhausted. No longer giving a crap. This guy lied and lied and lied and lied so much that one day? When he admitted to me that he was a pathological liar? He told me he was in therapy for a liar and was on Step 9 of his recovery, making amends.
Dude LIED about LYING.
Like I said, I was over it. Done with it. But still, affected by it. Why? Because I’d watch him post story after made up story on his blog for his 3 or 4 readers. I knew they were made up, his readers didn’t. His [admittedly very few] readers read his stories and commented and interacted with him based on these stories.
Why would that bother me, you might think? You might use one of these two lines:
1. It’s not like it hurts anyone, or
2. It’s JUST the INTERNET.
First of all, if you believe, TRULY BELIEVE either of those two lines, then this post isn’t for you. These things don’t hurt you, and to you, it IS just the Internet. So for you people, here is a link to a video of Phil singing the Bender song.
For the rest of you, I continue.
Now, if you have known me for any length of time, you know that I have a habit of coming up with elaborate and outlandish theories and principles and manifestos (er, you’ve read the blog, right?) to explain and translate my general world. There’s the silly – like toothbrush theories; the kind of silly but actually extremely sound Tom Hanks Theory of Life (which anyone who has ever spent 5 minutes around me in person has been thoroughly schooled) and then the serious, like today’s.
Though this is lifted almost word for word from an email I wrote a few days ago (if you don’t have a squawky baby, you can ignore that part), I hesitated to post it today because to many, it will be very clear that this was inspired in no small part by Nicole at My Bottle’s Up, and she did post a new explanation tonight.
Obviously, there will likely be a lot more posts and Tweets on this topic in the coming days, as the explanation people were waiting for, or, more accurately, the APOLOGY people were waiting for, didn’t come. Instead, a not so subtle chiding – how dare we believe evidence. While I hesitate to be a bandwagoner, there probably will not ever (I hope) be a more appropriate time to talk about the very real cost of lying to your readers.
*****
I hate lying in blogs. I HATE it.
I know it’s stupid, and I know we’re supposed to all be the bigger people, because “come on, you guys, just let it go. Who is it hurting?” but I HATE lying in blogs and I’m going to tell you WHY, because you have a baby and thus are my captive, because I do not speak in squawks and shrieks and demands, which is totally refreshing when you spend a lot of time around babies.
I hate lying in blogs – no matter how many people say to ignore it and that it’s not hurting anyone – because it is insulting and arrogant.
When you make up a story and post it in your blog, you are making one of two assumptions:
A) you are smarter than 100% of your readers and can pull off such a lie, and/or
B) you’re so popular and talented that your audience is completely moon-eyed and would either never call you out or is too nuts for you to realize you’re blowing smoke up their asses.
I do not LIKE to be insulted like that. I don’t like to see OTHERS insulted like that. Screw the whole “ugh, it’s just the internet” thing – these are real people making real connections and I don’t care if your lie is about how many people have seen your butt or if it’s as huge as calling out the TSA – when you are revealed as a liar on any scale, trust is broken.
Once you’re a liar, everything you’ve ever said is called into question or reviewed under the pall of your lies. The people who have trusted you ARE wounded and HAVE lost something, may have shared deep and personal things with someone they thought they could believe in, and, internet or not, that BLOWS.
The arrogance and insult to the intelligence of your readers – that’s not “nothing” either. It’s rude and it’s mean and it’s no boon to the community. The actions of one blogger DO reflect on other bloggers – tell me that mommy bloggers aren’t a liiiittle bit more of a joke after the mybottlesup thing.
Basically, what it comes down to is two points:
1. When you lie to your readers, whether it be small or epic, you’re not only telling your readers “I can lie right to your face and get away with it,” but also breaking very real trust.
2. If you are one of the types to drop either of the two lines above, about no one being hurt, or about the transgression not “counting” for as much because this is the Internet, you’re belittling the real feelings and friendships and relationships and partnerships and communities that have grown from so many blogs, as well as blinding yourself to the fact that when one blogger is revealed to be a liar, it reflects poorly on all bloggers. Including, likely, yourself.
*****
Maybe I’ve been blogging too long. A lot of my posts recently seem to be hanging on nostalgia, for the way blogging “used” to be. Maybe I’m too attached to how it “used” to be and not at all in touch with how it now “is.”
Regardless, however, of the state of blogging or the Internet as a whole, lying is and long has been one of the most bold, disrespectful, hurtful and destructive acts any person can engage in. I don’t tolerate it in my real life relationships, so why do I need to look the other way here?
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me, the blogging thing | 35 Comments »
Monday, May 25th, 2009
Finally, I get to tell my side of the story of our new life together. So, we have been living together since March 14th and while it has been wonderful, it does take some adjusting to.
Let’s start with the toilet paper. Now, as we all know, it should go over the top, which is in fact how I have it go. I say “I” because somehow, she has managed to never change it. Not to say that it’s empty, but by some magical force there is always just enough to justify not changing the roll. I made mention of this the other day and we jokingly argued about if she had ever actually changed the roll. She said she had and I disagreed, but she won the argument. You see, I came into the office from outside and saw her just laughing away. That means she was up to something. So having just talked about this whole thing I immediately checked the bathroom. I found an empty roll with “I did this on purpose” written on the empty cardboard.
The office: Well, it’s very cramped in here, but it is arranged the best way it can be right now. Unfortunately, with our backs to each other, there are occasions when we bump into each other. I try to give her as much room as possible; however, she requires more space to feel comfortable than I. For instance, when she is playing Guitar Hero, she faces the TV and that means that I have about 3 inches of space to use my computer. I just try to stay very still and pretend I’m not here, I find that to be the best way. When we move I am so buying her a Lazy Boy recliner and giving her the living room. I think that will be enough space.
Sleeping: I have never had a space heater before, but that’s exactly what my girlfriend is. Now, as you know, we live in Arizona and it gets rather hot here. I tend to be a bit of a cuddler and that presents a problem when my girlfriend could heat a small home in Alaska, in the winter. So with AC blowing and ceiling fan on, I lay right next to her. I have no idea how long I actually stay like that. But I know when I wake up I am on the other side of the bed with the sheets thrown off. I will say that the sleeping arrangements are probably more annoying to her. I tend to rock in my sleep, I have always just done it and I have no idea why. I also apparently snore very badly, that will hopefully be fixed next week when I get a laser shoved in my nose.
Living with someone is all about compromise, but honestly I have not compromised much. Though we are currently in a cramped space, that will change and in a way it’s more romantic. All I have to do is swing my chair around and I can get a hug or a kiss. I may have been teasing a little here, but I would not trade my current situation for anything. TJ is funnier than you can imagine. Her new thing is to take my hat in the morning and run outside when the garage door opens and run back and forth in front of the house, with arms a flailing. It’s about the cutest damn thing in the world. No matter how stressed I get at work, I know that when I come home I have her there to instantly put a smile on my face. She is funny, we are funny together, and we are happier than you can imagine.
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me, daily BS | 14 Comments »
Thursday, April 16th, 2009
Today, when I woke up, there was an email in my inbox from Boomer, who is probably tied with my friend Brien for longest-standing reader of my blog, considering they both read the previous incarnation back in… 2002 or 2003 or something? I’m not sure. It was a long time ago. Anywho, so I got this email from Boomer:
“…remember when I said i was gonna do a guest post? and you said you’d let me, maybe? here ya go.”
I think he said that about a hundred years and four days ago, and it finally appears today. So please, enjoy some Boomer (my own trivia: Boomer was the one who encouraged me to inquire whether Amalah still needed a babysitter for one Mr. Noah).
A list, by Boomer:
20 inane bits of Trivia (and some stuff I made up) useful (or not) for your everyday life:
- The ‘doink doink’ sound on Law & Order, L&O: SVU, L&O: Criminal Intent and L&O: Tylenol PM contains, among other sounds, a recording of monks stomping their feet. Unrelated: Law & Order is approaching the cult status of Star Trek. Thank goodness L&O fans leave the house more.
- Jim Lehrer admitted being boring on The Colbert Report for April 15th, 2009. America was already watching Adult Swim.
- She-Ra and He-Man: not just brother and sister…twin brother and sister.
- Bobby Brown played a doorman in Ghostbusters 2. I’ve met an inordinate number of people who claim that the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack was their first cassette or CD.
- What’s with all the passive-aggressive language these days? I think it makes you sound weak or like a jackass. Just say what you want to say. Because when I respond, and it’s all aggressive and not passive, you’ll wish you had.
- Not only do I read TJ regularly, I also spend time at The Best Page In The Universe.
- One time, I bought a package of M&Ms made with extra-large peanuts. I think they were called M&Ms XXL or something. In condom terms, the Magnum of M&Ms. Now I can’t find them anywhere, and I wonder if they even existed.
- Alton Brown is the franchise player for the Food Network since Emeril left…but thanks to Bobby Flay and Guy Fieri, it’s hard to watch.
- Last Sunday was the first Easter that I can remember without chocolate. That’s a tough tradition to break.
- Tradition is what you do when you can’t think of a better way.
- Auto-direct-tweets from a marketer or a brand: the most flagrant advertising violation of 2009 so far.
- Episodes of The Simpsons that feature Lisa Simpson are the worst, because she’s inherently not funny.
- It wasn’t funny when South Park made fun of Carlos Mencia, because he’s not inherently funny either. He’s just a nice guy with a few jokes, who appears to have become a comedian at the urging of friends and family.
- Which is why I’m skeptical if my friends or family tell me I should try something professionally, “because you’d be good at it!”.
- Food Hacking. Apparently it’s a real thing.
- Does anyone else feel induced guilt after reading Post Secret? Even if the secrets have nothing to do with you?
- I don’t recommend the E! show “Hot Girls In Scary Places”
- Let’s all pretend that the “Teabag Protests” were deliberately named. And that the protesters got away with the most flagrant use of inappropriate slang since Lil Jon introduced us to “skeet skeet”. It’s more fun that way.
- This Space For Rent.
- You might be a good blogger. I might even read your blog. But chances are, if you’re a good blogger and you also podcast, your podcast probably sucks and I don’t (and won’t) listen. If you’re a good blogger, and I don’t read your blog, you should link it in the comments because I need more blogs to read. But not if you also podcast.
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me | 10 Comments »
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
Hello Internet,
My name as far as you’re concerned is Noelyci but everyone calls me Noel, mostly because nobody can figure out how to accurately say that awful collection of consonant’s and vowels. I was lucky enough to meet TJ and the rest of the Antharia crew lately and TJ asked me to guest here to tell you all about it. So after hyperventilating for awhile at the idea that the audience for her blog was O, about 100 times mine, I sat down and typed this out. O…. if you want to help me feel good about myself, you can read my blog too, it’s over at www.ingmanndesign.com and it has nothing to do with anything TJ talks about.
So, I managed to get an invitation to meet the Antharia folks, including TJ, and we all went to lunch at a very nice brewpub type place in <un-named East Coast town>. I did my best to try and convince the HMIC (not my HMIC but TJ’s HMIC, at least for now) to let me drive as it was a gorgeous day and my rental car got a free upgrade to a convertible, but to no avail. So HMIC and her partner picked me up and we talked a bit on the way to the restaurant which was very nice. We were the first ones there and waited outside until we saw the purple hair. You see, TJ had refreshed her color and so it was still purple, and it looks better in the sun then in the videos, but HMIC had forgotten to give her the latex gloves so she had once again tinged her hands purple. This was a 5 minute conversation you see, about purple hands. Now, I’m not criticizing, I’m just trying to give you all a flavor of what it’s like to hang out. The conversation was wide ranging, fun, and non-stop. HMIC is younger then I thought she would be, but very smart, very outspoken. Her partner is quieter, but whip smart and insightful. TJ is about what you see here, only better. Developer 1 is just as dry witted and funny as the conversations that TJ has shared with you all. The other Coordinator and her daughter were also very nice. The lunch was all about what they do and how they relate to one another, it’s very fast, very smart and quite a bit of fun. The food was good, the beer was better. As far as what we all talked about, I can’t really talk about that…. yet.
So what’s it like to meet TJ after being a fan? She’s a bit drier humored in person then her writings suggest…. she’s just as awesome, no doubt about that, but the twinkle in the eye is easier for me to see in her writing then in person, then again with the amount of people at the table it was hard to pay attention to just one. Secondly, she and Naaldy are just as sweet as anything she types, and not in a nessecarily good way, I almost went into diabetic shock…. which I have a funny story about that but…. the Internet took away Naaldy’s dating privileges for a night, you’ll back me up on this like good supportive people, I know you will. So… not sure that’s enough information or glimpse, but there you go.
As far as everyone else TJ works with, I like it, it’s loud, funny, smart and constant. It’s like hanging with your friends, or watching your favorite sitcom. and I’m not exaggerating, I wish I’d filmed it, I could make millions selling it to ABC for air right after HIMYM. (Look it up.)
So anyway, there’s my guest post, again, I’m Noel, my blog is www.ingmanndesign.com, it has nothing to do with TJ’s blog, and I hope I can write here again sometime, now since I’ve had 12 hours of sleep in the last 7 days I’m going back to bed.
Clear Skies,
Noel
Posted in Bloggers who aren't me | 6 Comments »
