Ok, so, yesterday’s post got a lot of responses and I’m glad we’re all just assholey enough that we can admit that yeah, there are some people out there that we feel superior to. I understand that I was not saying anything good about myself with that list, but it is what it is, right? And I totally believe that everyone, EVERYONE, has at least one little thing that makes them look at another person and mentally turn up their nose. So I admitted it. Well, I admitted some of them.
Anyway, a little more clairification on my points - keep in mind that I KNOW that these things make me an asshole, and I KNOW that you all are totally assholes about certain things, too. Everyone has a little asshole in them. And I know that these things might not even be logical, or make any kind of sense. And I would never go out of my way to be rude, or hurtful or evil or mean about any of these things to an actual offender, it’s all inside my head and stays there. I promise. Now that I’ve finished making excuses for myself, how about I go in reverse order?
5. People who carry mid-level designer knock off bags. Not the really GOOD fakes, and not the really BAD fakes. The middle ones.
How I feel about it - People who own or are familiar with designer bags are going to know if you have a fake one. They just are. If you like the style of a certain kind of expensive bag but you can’t afford the brand name, go on and get yourself an obvious knock off. So what? Who cares? You get what you like without spending money you can’t afford to spend. But if you can’t afford the designer bag and don’t have the balls to walk around with a glaring fake, then just don’t even bother. Seriously.
What it makes me think - desperate to fit in and poor.
4. Feathered hairstyles.
How I feel about it - Look, it’s very dangerously borderline mullet. And we all know the mullet stereotype - it’s nothing good. Feathered hair is just! so! uncalled for! I am not a trendy-type person. I buy and do what I like, when I like. But how can you NOT KNOW that your hairstyle, the one you carry around on your head every single day, is so outdated as to be comical?
What it makes me think - someone’s tragically uncool mom who probably wears high-waisted stonewashed jeans.
3. Jean shorts on any male over infant age.
How I feel about it - I can’t even believe these are made in adult sizes. There is no excuse for this.
What it makes me think - A male desperately clinging to youth, having no idea that even the “youth” doesn’t wear that shit anymore.
2. Couples with a small budget trying, and failing miserably, to have all the components of a much more expensive wedding.
How I feel about it - I have absolutely nothing, nothing at all, against small budget weddings. I’m pretty convinced you can have a lovely wedding at just about any price range. And I’m also not one of those people who roll their eyes at lavish, expensive weddings. Hey, if you can afford it, more power to you. Now, if you go insanely into debt for it, that’s a completely different story… But anyway. If you have a minimal budget then work with what you have - use someone’s backyard, cut back on the flowers, etc. When you have a small budget and in order to fit every single weddingy thing into it, you don’t cut back on anything but go obviously cheap on everything, well then it’s just tacky.
What it makes me think - Woman can’t let go of her childhood “dream wedding,” refuses to face reality, probably a total bitch who uttered the phrase “But it’s MY DAAAAY!” about 874 times throughout the planning, and an absolutely clueless husband.
1. Parents who set out to name their children in a manner specifically designed so that their child will be the only one with that name.
How I feel about it - This is not about your kid having a different name. The ones mentioned in the comments - I’d have nothing against those, probably. If you hear a name, and you like it, give it to your kid. It’s when you hear a name, like it a lot, but RULE IT OUT COMPLETELY because “Oh, there’s SO MANY Tylers” or whatever that I start to roll my eyes. Or when you spend months and months and months looking not for a name that sounds good to you and the co-parent, but a name you’re positive no other child on earth has had, ever - and that’s your goal - that’s insane. If your specific goal is wanting your kid to be different through their name or the spelling of their name, you are a moron.
What it makes me think - Parents who deliberately seek out unique names or spellings in order for their kid to be different - wow, it makes me think a lot of things. It makes me think the mother is probably going to be a control freak - I mean, you’re trying to determine the kid’s personality before birth. Or it makes me think that the parent is less concerned with the actual having of a child than they are with the having of a little doll they can name! and dress! and play with! Oh and I also think your kid will probably be a great big brat and that it will be your fault. But anyway, that’s just crazy - naming your kid so they will be “different?” I promise you! PROMISE! That your kid, no matter what you name him or her, is going to be different from any other kid you’ve ever met. There will be no kid like your kid, whether you name it Mike or AirforceOne. And you will like your kid. And your kid will develop their own personality. Having nothing to do whatsoever with their name. So get over your damn self, pick a name you like, and don’t break down in hysterical tears if the next door neighbors happen to like the same name.
Right. Well. There you go. Yet more clairification on how I am a huge asshole.